Sertraline

Hi Clare thanks for your reply.

I was on a maintenance dose of Sertraline for a couple of years and felt great so weaned off correctly in August. This all hit me a few weeks ago too like a ton of bricks. The pressures and expectations of Xmas haven't helped. I have little or no interest in anything and the minute I wake up (not sleeping well) my head is racing and I feel so overwhelmed. I can't imagine I'm going to feel normal again.

I've always had high expectations of myself and doing simple tasks is a struggle that I can't understand what's happening and why it's all such hard work. The negativity drives me mad. I want to be better now but after 4 weeks my doc says it'll be 6-8 before my mood lifts. I go back in 2 weeks to see him.

Everyone says it'll get better and I have to believe that but it's so hard when you're out of control of the feelings.

I'm here to chat anytime Clare xx

Hi Clare - I meant to say that I started feeling better after 2 weeks then I dipped again. This maybe due to Xmas and kids being at home and all the demands that come at this time of year.

I worry that I just don't have an appetite to eat therefore don't feel like cooking either. I have the dry mouth and anxious feelings but not some of the bad side effects I've read on here.

Sue xx

Sue, it sounds like we are going through something very similar.

I'm struggling to believe I'm ever going to get better. Things have got so bad that I've had to ask the kids Dad to have them as I can't cope with them seeing me like this. That's completely unheard of as my kids are my whole world and in the past when I've suffered low mood I've always carried on for them. I'm ashamed that my love for them isn't enough to make me get better.

I'm exactly the same as you in that I have very little interest in ANYTHING! I've always loved my own company and just sitting relaxing with a good book. My bed and sleep have always been my haven but this horrible illness has taken that away from me!

My mind is constantly buzzing around with negative and unhelpful thoughts and no matter what I do they won't stop. I've had overwhelming suicidal thoughts but not because I want my life to end I just want to stop feeling like this! I know for sure I can't spend the rest of my life like this so I just hope and pray that things start to improve soon.

I'm doing everything anybody suggests, been running every day for 3 miles even though it's the very last thing I want to do! I'm trying yoga tomorrow and hoping that offers some relief!

Like you everybody tells me it takes time but it will get better. A friend who has suffered herself in the past though hit the nail on the head the other day when she said telling someone who is severely depressed to give it time is like shoving somebody's head under water and saying give it time you'll be able to breath soon! When we are feeling like this we don't have time!!!!! We want to feel better now!

Please keep in touch! Maybe we can help each other through?!

Clare xx

I think that is so odd Clare! Did you check to see if the brand of Citalopram had changed?

Hi Lauren, how would I know that? X

I feel so much reading this and my heart and prayers go out to you, as I have just been there myself.  I didn't want to kill myself, I just didn't want to exist any longer because I couldn't see myself going on consumed like this. I prayed to God to take me home in my sleep if I had to continue living like this. And there were days when I couldn't even bring myself to take a shower, let alone jog 3 miles a day. And I am here now telling you this, almost as a testament to the efficacy of Zoloft. So it will get better! You will get better. You will return to your former self. I really didn't think I would be here today if you had asked me a month ago, but I am. Stay strong - you've pulled through this many times in the past, you'll do so again. 

 

Hi .... your positive outcome really helps to believe that I will feel normal again. I do find it hard to believe as I'm scared it won't be me and this is how I'll stay. How long did it take for you to feel normal and able to cope again?Sue

Hi Clare

I've never joined a forum and shared my feelings like this but I've just felt so desperate lately. So we will keep in touch as it helps to talk to people who know what this feels like.

Your friend's comment does hit the nail on the head as people don't understand - it's not their fault I know. I have a friend gone through similar and I helped her then it hit me. She seems to have made it through and this should convince me yet I struggle to believe I will.

My kid's went away for a week with their dad (I'd been ill for 2 weeks) (mine are 14,14,17) which was already booked anyway but the break did help but then it hit me again when they returned. I could've done with longer but had no choice. I can imagine how hard this has been for you to ask him but it will help. I missed them like mad but equally the lack of overwhelming pressure and responsibility helped.

I too normally like my own company and love to read and always ready for bed and a read. At the mo I'm ready for bed but then don't want to go as the horrible feelings return the next morning. I pray every night I'll wake up minus the anxiety and such low mood.

I can't take this much longer it's no way to live. It is a chemical imbalance and I just want the meds to work and bring "me" back.

Do you have work to go to Clare? Have you a network of support?

Sue xx

I'm hoping that in 2 weeks when I see my dr that (after 6 weeks) there'll be improvements as the thought of increasing the dose and having more side effects fills

It's great you've managed to run that's amazing under the.

I'm the same Sue I've never joined a forum or anything like it but I was so desperate firstly to hear that sertraline can work but also to talk to people who really know how it feels! Even me who has suffered with low mood in the past didn't realise that depression and anxiety could do this to me! I've always been so strong and independent! Maybe that's part of the problem though! Up until now I've never liked asking for help and always just taken everything on my own shoulders! I guess everyone has a breaking point!

Do you think once they sort your imbalance out you will stay on the medication for life? The physiatrist told me last week that I will need to stay in them for life. I'd happily take 100 tablets a day if it meant I could go back to how I was before this!

How are your kids with it Sue? My 13 year old really struggled at the start which is mainly why I asked their dad for his help as I wanted them to be able to relax in a house without seeing me struggling to get through each day. I've still been seeing them every day but I just want to get better so I can be the Mum they deserve.

I do work in a school so it's term time. I was signed off 2 weeks before the end of term and I'm due back Wednesday. I can't see how I can go to work like this though! Then again I'm very routine based so actually I think I've found this whole thing a lot harder because there's never any sort of routine during the holidays! I'm thinking that I might try and go back 9th Jan and try just giving it a couple of hours one day and see how I get on! How about you do you work?

I've got amazing family and friends who are so supportive (you definitely realise who your friends are when these things happen) but I know they just feel completely helpless and I feel so guilty for putter by them through this!

How was Christmas for you?

Clare xx

Well, I wouldn't say I am normal yet, but who wants to be normal, really?! Normal is boring. But seriously, I am slowly but surely returning to my old self. Could work now, could function, could get out of bed and leave home, could sorta crack a joke. 

I think it took about 6-7 weeks, so far, starting from 25mg to 50mg to 100mg to 150mg for 2 weeks and then back down to 100mg starting Jan 1. It hasn't been easy, if that ain't an understatement, but stay strong and don't not ever give up hope that you will get better. I know it's scary to go thru it because you want to be able to get out of it and be on the other side, but it's normal to feel scared. I was scared I wouldn't come out of it, too. And look, here I am, and I am on 100mg. 

I always remind myself of this line: In the midst of my winter I found that there was in me an invincible summer. 

Xx

Clare ... if these tablets work I will stay on them for life. I don't ever want to be where I've been recently. From the outside looking in I've wonderful children, family, friends, a great job, lovely home. I have a fabulous partner that doesn't live with me

However .... Being a single working parent with 3 children who are very sporty and I'm all over with them competing over the 4 points of Yorkshire as well as running a tight ship at home as I'm a perfectionist with everything and feel I should do the job of 2 parents and whatever I don't do I'm riddled with guilt - I don't look at what I have achieved but what I've not. I personally take everything on board and finally reached breaking point with the build up of Christmas.

I was off for the first 2 weeks of this then went back to work 3 days before Xmas. It was hard but helped as I had to really dig deep. Luckily it was quiet as most staff had finished for Xmas. The next 3 days were good then Boxing Day I dipped again and the overwhelming anxiety returned.

I'm due back in work on Wednesday and anxious about this as it's very apparent that I'm not the usual "me" and all staff will be back.

I tend to feel quite different in the evenings and a better mood. I wish this could extend to Morning.

My children are ok and think I had a bug initially and then really run down. They know I'm not myself and I feel guilty that there's no-one else here to deflect my low mood. I suppose being away with their Dad for a week and Xmas activities and surrounded with family and friends has deflected a bit. I just keep telling them I'll be back to myself soon and I just keep digging deep but it's so so hard. Your. Holden will be fine with their Dad and will just want you better and back to the Mum they love so very much. And you mustn't lose sight of this. Yours and their love is mutually unconditional.

Like you I am very routine based and don't function as well out of routine and being a perfectionist really doesn't help. I wish I could lower my standards and expectations.

Well I will go to bed again tonight hoping to wake up feeling different and wish for a better day.

Stay strong ... Sue

Sue we really do sound so similar!

I'm a perfectionist as well and give myself such a hard time over what are essentially aren't important things! Well not as important as my mental health!

I'm always so busy as well because my son is a performer and has gone from doing a year in Charlie and the chocolate factory to now being in Matilda! My brain is constantly buzzing with his schedule and making sure he's where he needs to be when! Also don't want my daughter to feel left out so try to make sure I put just as much into her as well as working and running a home!

My family think I've just taken on too much and my body is trying to tell me to take a break! I do like to be busy though! Who knows why this has happened I just want to start feeling better now!

Clare xx

Hi Clare...check your prescription bottle or you can go to the pharmacy and have them print out your history. They will be able to tell you if they switched manufacturers of the drug. Not all brands/generics work the same

Hi Clare

Oh gosh we do sound very similar. My family and friends say the same about me taking too much on as my daughter has now been selected for England Hockey Performance Pathway she also plays at County level. My son plays rugby for school and County level and my other son (twin to daughter) just started football. I worry I leave him out with the other 2 so feel I can't say no. Juggling all this with work and trying to have a social life whilst insisting everything is done to the highest standards is impossible for 1 person. On top of the physical strains it's the mental strains and constant worrying that i have to have it 100% right plus take on everyone's worries.

I don't know which to give slack on as I'm anxious if it all isn't achieved. I'm told that when the medication settles into my system all the above will become manageable as I will be minus the worry and anxiety. Hoping for this is keeping me going but believing it is hard.

I do feel better after 4 weeks as I'm functioning and back at work tomorrow but I've still no appetite, no interest, very flat, anxious and worried. Going tomorrow won't help as I'll be noticeably different and people ask but it will help in that it's routine.

How have you been today?

Sue xx