Sertraline Diary
Posted , 17 users are following.
31st March 2018.
Having read the huge number of posts about this drug, and the side effects associated with it, I thought it might be helpful to start a diary of my own experience as I am new to it and wonder whether others can relate to what I'm going through.
If this diary can be of mutual benefit to us then it's worth it! Any positive comments would obviously be greatly appreciated.
I've suffered from what I would consider to be mild to moderate depression for a few years, enough to take the edge off life, but controllable without drugs. Then, at the beginning of March an episode in my personal life set me off on a full-blown panic attack: going cold, violent shaking, severe nausea, cold sweats, worse case scenario thoughts, complete lack of appetite, insomnia etc, the attack lasted about 36 hours. Another attack later and my very supportive husband took me off to the doctor.
I have been prescribed 50mg sertraline, with 80mg propranolol beta blocker (to take the edge off the panic attacks).
The course started 28th March, I'm taking the tablets at about 9am. Having read the leaflets that come with the medicines, I understood that side effects were possible and that the benefits can take a while to kick in. But..... Oh My Goodness!!!! Hardly slept that night.
29th March, spent most of the day in bed, could just about get out to use the loo, had to rely on husband to cook dinner for the kids (16 and taking gcse's- arghh, and 11 and stressed from moving to secondary school- arghh). Felt very nauseous but actually had a half-decent night's sleep.
30th March, day started okay although there is a constant feeling of nausea and treading on egg shells so as not to elevate the kids in case it sets off another panic attack. I bought a book from Amazon called "the mindful teen" to help my youngest deal with his stress and therefore with my own. We started reading it together. Also I'm doing a mindfulness course for anxiety on "Headspace" although can't help thinking that I'm well beyond help from that point of view, however I will persist. Was able to eat a slice of toast for breakfast and spaghetti on toast for lunch but by the time dinner time came, couldn't face anything. Again I had to rely on hubby. I'm also finding it difficult to drink a whole drink, eg only some tea or coffee and only sips of water. Cannot bear the thought of alcohol, which I guess is a good thing! Had a terrible night's sleep, worse case scenarios going through the head again.
I will see how I go with my diary, if it becomes too much for me to continue I'm sure you'll understand. I'd love to hear from anyone out there going through the same thing, we can help each other.
3 likes, 91 replies
PopWop
Posted
5 weeks
Can't believe it's 5 weeks already! Okay, so while I was going through really black times it seemed like the hours and days dragged by and I was quite sure they were the worst days of my life. But looking back, it's only been 5 weeks and I've lived to tell the tale.
I feel better, not 100%, but better. Perhaps 70%, could do without the fatigue though!
It wasn't many days ago when I was wondering if I would ever feel better, just a week ago was one of my blackest days. I'm not going to kid myself into thinking I won't have any bad days when my anxiety comes and smacks me in the face, however I know it will pass.
I recommend therapy.
My first session really got me thinking about my trigger factor (which cannot be resolved) and how I'm going to live with it. It helped me get some perspective back in my life. I going to have ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy which is CBT for problems which can't go away). I don't like speaking to strangers however I found myself gabbling away for 50 minutes about everything, zipping from subject to subject, how she kept up I don't know. She seemed to be able to get in my head and said a lot of the most troubling thoughts I was having but have never had the courage to say out loud.
I recommend Mindfulness - try Headspace if you want a suggestion, it's online.
I recommend booking an appointment with yourself.
What do you like to do? A jigsaw puzzle? How about Friday morning between 10am and midday? Or reading a murder mystery? How many of us just squeeze 10 minutes of a book in before lights out when we're completely knackered? Make time to read - how about an hour or so before you start cooking dinner? I've just ordered an intricate painting-by-numbers set so I can do some mindful focusing on something constructive that I think I'll enjoy. Take your mind off your anxiety trigger by giving yourself just a few hours a week to do something for you. My therapist gave me an activity sheet to fill in and I had to plan 2 activities ahead that I wanted to do for my own enjoyment. I had to really think about what I liked to do because I simply couldn't remember! How sad is that?
When I told my Mum, whom I love dearly, about trying to make time for myself as suggested by my therapist, rather than doing mundane chores constantly, she said something which made me realise where some of my problems perhaps stem from. She said "Unfortunately life's not like that though is it? Life is all about doing what you have to do." It shouldn't be. What is the point of life if you're not really living it and you're just doing stuff you have to do? I've spent my adult life so far feeling guilty for not being able to live up to my Mum's standards. She never critisises me or the state of my house, I've just never felt good enough.
My family is housed, fed, clothed and loved, the bills are paid on time. Enough.
My goodness I've rambled a lot today! Sorry, another update in a week.
nicky_09303 PopWop
Posted
Thanks Mum (NOT)
Second week on and sleep just awful. Feel like am losing my mind.
PopWop nicky_09303
Posted
Hi Nicky
2 weeks in was a rough time for me, as you'll see in my diary above. My sleep was awful. I got mild sleeping tablets from my doctor, had a cup of weak hot chocolate before bed and tried not to use any screens for an hour before I tried to sleep.
I'm week 5 now and my sleep is much better. Have faith, and you are being strong to get through this.
merridah nicky_09303
Posted
Yes not helpful at all. I didn't want to tell my mum that i was being medicated when I was on my first batch trying Citalopram (I am 33 for goodness sake!) but eventually I did and she told me to get off them immediately and that are so bad for you blah blah, made me feel really rubbish as I was already judging myself for being on them. Now I am on Sertraline and have a different outlook ie not judging myself and I also haven't told my mum this time.
We don't need that extra judgement when we are already judging ourselves! Unhelpful comments are so uneccessary!
I am on week 3 so similar to you nicky. Mine have just been upped to 100mg and had my first bad night sleep last night.
Echoing what Popwop said you are doing a great job and are being strong for your children hence you getting the help you need. I am a step mum to 3 young children who live with us full time as well and its bloody hard sometimes!
Be kind to yourself, perhaps if your mum is a trigger for your anxiety then maybe tell herself on a need to know basis - thats what i've resorted to
merridah PopWop
Posted
PopWop I feel the same as you - I don't feel good enough either but like you say my family is housed, fed, clothed and loved and that is the main thing!
I've been told to make time for myself but I feel so guilty for doing so! I would love to start doing yoga again and I really need to make time to go.
My appointment for CBT has come through so when I go I am going to speak to her about ACT as i also have triggers that are out of my control and also cannot be resolved.
I love how far you've come! You really should be so proud of yourself
nicky_09303 merridah
Posted
I have just asked doctor to call me back to see if I can get some sleeping tablets and also not sure if I should take it at night or morning.
My biggest biggest thing is my mind wandering not doesn’t stop jumps from one thing to another for someone who hasn’t sleep at all last night I have done so much this morning.
I just don’t know how to relax leave things I am always fast paced at everything like my brain is go go go that’s how I am. The mind can’t sit and just watch tv it will think of other 100 things no wonder I am so tired and can’t sleep.
This is week 2 for me on 50mg and I hope it does the trick. I just need to stick to it and just don’t stop as like you I always am questioning myself should I be on them what am I doin. Is this right is that right. Etc
Am rambling on but thanks for reading
Xx
merridah nicky_09303
Posted
Not rambling at all its best to get it out of your head so you can acknowledge your feelings
I find my mind is like yours when I am at work so I've started listening to nature sounds during the day - it really helps me clear my mind and pretty much stops my mind from overthinking, replaying things over and over and worrying. My doctor recommended a website called calm and I just have that playing throughout the day. They have some activities that you have to pay for but I just listen to the noise playing on the website (you'll know what I mean when you go on there) If you are able to listen to that I think that will help.
The lack of sleep won't be helping your anxiety either, I find I am more vulnerable when I've had a restless night.
With a house of 3 children there is ALWAYS something to do so like you there is no time to relax because there is always something that needs to be done. I can't concentrate on the TV or read a book, pretty much as soon as I stop I fall asleep haha.
Are you on the waiting list for CBT as well nicky?
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PopWop nicky_09303
Posted
Hi Nicky
Have you tried Mindfulness? It's been scientifically proven to work in calming the mind and stopping it pinging all over the place. Have a look at Headspace online it you feel like it (I have no affiliation to them).
Good luck and keep posting.
nicky_09303 PopWop
Posted
nicky_09303 merridah
Posted
Thanks for ur reply,
I just today got on the waiting list I did have cbt a while back he was very young and not had that much experience he referred me back to doctor saying it’s a sleep issue. So didn’t have a good experience but I am back on it. Have you had CBT?
I had my tutor call today too asking where my last project was I was like go away 😓
PopWop nicky_09303
Posted
Good luck.
merridah nicky_09303
Posted
Hi Nicky sorry for the delay I completely forgot that you replied to me!
Yes, I had CBT about 4 years ago now and I had it about 5 years previous to that. I have never been on medication before so this is new to me. Really hoping I can get things sorted! My last bout of CBT was really good but it was through my private health insurance via the company I worked for. My work said I couldn't have anymore and they were stopped short which is unfortunate as she was really good.
Really really hoping I can gain control again. I do feel better on the tablets though, a couple of situations have arisen in the last week and I coped much better than I have previously. I also stood up for myself to one of my triggers which I've never had the courage to do before so that made me feel great! I didn't overthink it too much afterwards either haha.
Hope you all had a lovely bank holiday weekend!
julie02213 PopWop
Posted
PopWop julie02213
Posted
Hi Julie
I'm on propranolol to help me cope with the anxiety (it's a beta blocker), you may feel like you want to ask your doctor about that?
Many people say on this forum that sertraline takes 6-8 weeks to work. Just because I feel better (not perfect) by 5 weeks doesn't mean you will. You may need another increase (my doctor said 200mg was the most she would prescribe) however if it was me I would wait until my next scheduled GP appointment or 8 weeks, whichever is the soonest, and then discuss how you feel and how to proceed.
Good luck and keep us posted.
PopWop
Posted
6 Weeks
Woohoo - 6 weeks!
Oh my goodness, I'm like a different person, I feel so much better.
I just read my diary back and I'm so glad I wrote it. I thought I was writing it to help others on their own individual journeys however it's been so interesting to look back and remember just how awful I felt.
Really, it's like reading about a completely alternative me. I know it was me who wrote it but I cannot relate to those dreadful feelings and thoughts I was having.
I have had 3 therapy sessions now, helping me to learn to live with my trigger factor. Everything is far more in perspective and I can be logical about it now. I am making space in my life for things I want to do so not everything revolves around my trigger. I used to think about it constantly and now I hardly think about it at all, and when I do it's in a constructive proactive way, doing something which will help the situation.
I have a much more positive outlook on life, my interest in everyday activities is back, as is my energy for doing stuff. I hosted a BBQ for my friends last weekend, the first one in 3 years, it was a massive achievement for me, something just 3 weeks ago I thought I would never want to do again.
The main thing I now have to address is fatigue. It's an odd sort of tiredness, I can push through and still want to get lots done, however I can fall asleep during the day at the drop of a hat and have twice fallen asleep at my desk in the middle of a task. I rarely sleep well at night, but the big difference there is when I wake I don't lie there all anxious and mulling worst case scenarios over in my mind, I generally lie there and think "I wish I could sleep"! I don't get anxious about not being able to sleep, I just wish I could sleep - it's a huge difference. I've been prescribed mild sleeping tablets if I get desperate.....
I saw my doctor for my 6 week check recently, she was delighted at the change in me. I'm going to stay on 100mg and have another check up in 4 weeks.
My message to those of you who are going through hell at the moment, stick with it if you can. I am proof sertraline can work wonders, just read back on this diary and see!
Good luck!