Sertraline lead to me having Hypomania

I am 24 years old, I have always suffered from depression and anxiety since as early as I remember (first memory was probably when I was 7), but I never properly addressed this with the doctor until recently. I always thought that the way I was, was just part of my personality rather than thinking that I actually had an illness. Being extremely unhappy, crying several times a day, and having suicidal thoughts just became normal to me and no health professional diagnosed me with anything.

There have been many events happening in the past year that lead me to deciding to get help. I broke up with my long term boyfriend, I nearly lost my sister from a long-term illness, I had a drug/alcohol addiction, struggled with finding a job, fell out with my family, found a new relationship with someone who really cared about me but then I cheated and messed it up.

I started taking sertraline about 3/4 months ago, and decided 5 days ago that enough is enough and that I am not taking this anymore. This was obviously not advised by my doctor and I know it may not be an intelligent choice for me to make myself but if you read on you will understand why I did it.

I nearly got fired from my job last Friday as a result of my hypomanic behaviour, and this is why I decided enough is enough. 

My hypomanic episode involved talking about inappropriate things to everyone that I could possibly talk to, feeling the need to go out everynight, I was unable to go home and sit there alone, so I would find anyone to get drunk with, strangers, random people I would find at a bar etc. I was putting myself in very dangerous situations, hanging out with strange people and taking drugs they would give to me, having sex with a lot of people, of whom I may have just met. I constantly needed excitement and a feeling of being high. After I would do these things I would tell people what I did, making a joke out of myself so that I would not have to face the realisation of the things I had done. When I look back there was no thought process at all behind why I made such decisions, I somehow just ended up in these horrible dangerous situations.

Once a week I would have a breakdown and feel extremely ashamed and depressed about what had happened but then in order to numb myself I would go out and do it again. This has been going on for at least two/three months now but got drastically worse in the past month. I did not ever feel sad, all I felt was numb.

Now I have been off sertraline for 5 days. I cry constantly, have thoughts of suicide, don't want to talk to anyone at all, and have thoughts about wishing I was back with the boyfriend I had cheated on many times (probably due to the mania), as he seems to be the only one who genuinly loves and cares about me. 

This sounds very strange but although I am feeling extremely depressed and can't talk to anyone about anything, I am very happy that I am not manic. I would much rather be calm and down than up and crazy.

After discussing my behaviour with my doctor and a psychiatric nurse they think that I may be bipolar, which I am pretty sure I am but am still due for proper diagnosis.

This whole year has been pretty traumatic for me and at this stage I am extremely against taking any other medication, as although I felt much better in the first few weeks it lead me to this absolutly horrible manic stage which I absolutly can not live with anymore. I think I would rather be in my normal state than off the rails.

I have been looking online and find it hard to find someone who may have had similar experience. Please share if you experienced something similar or have something helpful to say about my experience.

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