Sertraline support - my story so far (looking for and giving hope)

Hi all, maybe you're new here or maybe you're like me: searching these forums frequently for advice and hope. Either way welcome, I think community is important for everything in life and i'm glad you're looking for it too during this. Repeat after me: We're never alone.

I'm currently on my second treatment for depression and anxiety. I have gone through periods of my life that I experienced waves and weeks of these experiences but they seemed to pass or i could ignore them, until i couldn't. A tough life experience tipped the scales for me and i now think it really just exposed the things i'd been pushing away before.

After many months of thinking I could be strong and fight back, meditating, exercising, eating healthily, trying to distract myself with uni work, I needed help and got an emergency appointment with my GP. I was waking up with severe anxiety every day, experiencing every classic symptom of both conditions. I stopped working, was barely continuing with university, I had called the doctors months prior and been given an online course of CBT, which helped me feel less alone in my symptoms and pushed me to try and manage things better, but I knew after some weeks things were just getting more serious.

I began to be possessed with endless rumination, only able to distract myself for short periods, and never really able to drown out the thoughts which were becoming more alarming.

The GP prescribed me SSRI, sertraline at 50mg a day. I was terrified that it had come to the point I needed to take drugs for my health. How had it got this bad? I thought. But this was a also a moment to celebrate, I deserved to get better, and taking this drug was self care, and a spark of hope. I started counselling through this period through a donation based charity, and the support was a life line. on the days I felt there was no end to this, I was forced to get out of bed and go and talk about it, and after some weeks my counsellor reflecting my progress back to me was such a nice feeling.

I can go through the symptoms of the first few weeks in more detail for anyone in need but overrall I felt calmer by week 4, and continued to see light and joy and growth for weeks to come. I even got so well I was forgetting take my dose some days. I graduated, went travelling, got a new partner. and decided after 5 months to taper off.

for those how are searching for hope, this is part 2 of my story and not something i want to alarm you with, just a word of caution to think about for the future. don't be scared, take care of yourself and keep battling and trying. there is light.

The initial first weeks were okay, but i felt anxiety creep in. discontinuation symptoms i thought. But i continued determined to be 'healed'. Over the next few months I was Okay, but winter crept in and I thought I was experiencing 'the winter blues'. 4-5 months later it clicked, this was a reoccurrence, not just a low mood. I cried every day, the paralysing anxiety was back. I was so disappointed in myself, after my whole journey only to end up in the same place. I knew it was time to get help.

I called the GP, explaining that nothing had triggered this episode and i didn't know why this was happening again, i suggested diazepam just to see if this was an episode. But she assured me that would only pass symptoms and not treat, I may just be someone who needs to stay on meds, and thats okay. I prescribed sertraline at 50Mg again.

This is the part that i'm looking for others to reflect on my journey. I had so much weighing on this med working again. So at the 1 month mark, when i wasnt better like my last experience, i felt so hopeless. But i persisted. At 7 weeks of 50mg, I had a check in with my gp, I said i'm better ( maybe 50% myself) but not where i want to be. She suggested 100mg. Again scared I hesitated and she prescribed me enough meds that I could adjust if I changed my mind. A few days later I went up to 75mg. At which i've now been on for 2 weeks.

I thought there was a small improvement, but I also got tonsillitis which i took antibiotics for, which can i believe impact the effectiveness of SSRI's. Also effecting the gut biome, which is where a lot of our serotonin for those whole dont know is made, and there transferred to the brain. So maybe that's stopped progress. Things got really bad again, struggling to get out of bed, distract myself from those thoughts. A dip ? The dose settling?

But I'm unsure of where to go at this point, i want to get on with my life. but i am unsure of treatment options. I'm starting counselling again soon which i am excited about. But should i increase to 100mg, change med? add a med like Bupropion?

side note on side effects: Most things settled after 2 weeks, besides from sexual effects, still experiencing stool issues lol, and also random one but i developed tinnitus? My first round i think i either got used to it or it got better. This time its still super annoying and definitely louder on my bad days- anyone got any thoughts on that bit?

it's nice to know theres lots of options. And I know I will get there, just like you will if you are suck too. I will use this forum to track the rest of my story. Any advice and stories are appreciated. Here's to fighting this, and being strong and hopeful people 😃

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