Severe anxiety about losing my boyfriend

Edited , 6 users are following.

Ever since I was a child I have worried significantly about losing a loved one. I would worry myself sick that my mom would die from the age of about 6 by suicide if she had had an argument with my dad to being in a car accident.

I'm now in a relationship with my boyfriend of 7 years (I'm 25) and I truly love him more than anything. He is my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without him. I get so anxious about him dying and it can be truly debilitating and I rarely go out socialising in case anything happens to him whilst I'm out and I'm not there to call an ambulance for him. My mind manages to turn any typical activity into a thing of grief - if I'm picking clothes out for work I get thoughts like "this could be you picking clothes for his funeral", or if I'm shutting my laptop down I will think "he bought this laptop for me. Imagine if he died, how would I feel about the laptop then" and other weird, random, upsetting things.

He is a healthy person - goes to the gym 4 times a week, eats well, doesn't smoke and rarely drinks - so although I don't worry about losing him to illness very often I am constantly plagued by thoughts of losing him to an accident or being attacked. Tomorrow he is going somewhere with his dad for work which will involve them driving on the motorway and I instantly felt sick and cold when he mentioned it. All night I have been on the verge of tears and feeling down and irritable - I didn't want to talk to him (not in an angry way, I just felt too anxious to talk) but at the same time I want nothing more than to talk with him all night in case it's the last time.

If anyone can offer any advice at all I would be really grateful. I have recently started therapy which I don't feel is helping much and I've joined the gym which has made my anxiety attacks less frequent but I still have periods like this which can last for days. I feel like I'm at my wits end - I don't want to be stuck in these loops of anxiety for the rest of my life rather than enjoying my relationship, my work, and my friends.

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  • Edited

    Honestly i think this might be a common fear.

    If its taking over then maybe see a therapist to talk it all this and see whats going on.this has a route cause in there. Best to figure out before you have children. The same worry will keep going. Its a touch of ocd once it takes over.

    It is lovely you found someone you love with so much of your heart.

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    • Edited

      Thank you Lisa. It is comforting to know that it's a common fear and for a few years it was just a worry when he would go out or anything - just a small worry that I could put to the back of my mind - but over the past 18 months or so the anxiety I had as a kid has come back with full force. I am going to therapy but to be honest the waiting time between appointments isn't great and I just don't feel like it's working. The techniques for managing my anxiety just make me think that I'm masking the symptoms and that won't help if something does happen to him. I know it's a stupid mindset to get into but I'm struggling to look past that

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    • Edited

      If you could stop it im sure you would. Stupid is harsh. You will get thru this. You did when you were younger and you will again. It is a mindset but its hard to change a mindset especially when you have picked this one as it is very dear to your heart. Be patient with your self. Thees  cbt all over the web see what you can pick up drom looking at it. Maybe a a book or video to help a little. 
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  • Edited

    wow seems like im hearing myself.mine came true I have anxiety PTSD from loosing my 1st fiancee he was 28 I was 22. after him my family all kept dying from cancer,I found my soulmate at 25 we had 2 children he passed away at 24 yrs old i was prego with our son.had a 1 yr old an a 10 yr old.lost my  best friend when she was 38 i found slept with many deceased people.my life has been hard. but i live at the graveyard. everyday i go. I wish I could help you. but mine has all really died. you r so blessed to have everyone in your life. something has happened for these raxing thoughts you have and I lived. so i send love to you.it's horrible I have only my 2 kids now.an a male school friend im 57.if you ever want to talk email me or direct mess. me start trying to see. there still with you.

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  • Edited

    This can be a common fear. I think most of us deep down are worried about losing people. Parents, siblings, friends. The reality is that life can be scary, but most people are able to bury those worries and fears so that they don't affect their daily lives. But since you have heightened anxiety, FredIj, those worries are intensified 100x the average person. So you're feeling extra emotional and extra vulnerable right now. I'd really recommend therapy. You'll learn some strategies to cope with all these feelings. I can remember Dan Connor from the 1980s sitcom Roseanne telling his son, "DJ, if you spend all your time thinking about dying, living isn't going to be much fun" And that's soo true! So try to focus on the moment and not worry too much about what might happen. Feel better my friend. 

    Peace 

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  • Posted

    You are having obsessive thoughts. You  need to see your family doc about  this and get on some medication. 
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  • Posted

    I'm here today because I feel exactly the same way. I'm always scared that my boyfriend may die. I don't wanna speak it out loud because they say that if you say it aloud it might happen.. I'm constantly scared if he doesn't call.. if he doesn't pick up.. if he is out too long without communicating ..I'm overwhelmed!!! I don't know what to do honestly I'm so scared

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