Severe Depression/ Panic Disorder/Gad.

Posted , 9 users are following.

Hello everyone, first post atfer plucking up the courage to do so. Here is a brief background of myself. I am a 40 Year old Man, Used to be very outgoing, quite confident "Normal" fellow, was a very heavy bring drinker ( Everyday Drunk) , had a good job,money, alot of friends etc, never took tablets or went to Doctors, but always had something that was not quiet right about me. Anyway, in April 2011, my world came crashing down around me without any warning at all, I suffered a Mental Breakdown! I went to work as normal, was having a laugh, a good normal day when suddenly myself and a work  colleague had a minor argument, i started to cry and could not take anymore, i flipped and walked out of that job and my life changed forever. I went home and said to my Mother that i needed help etc, and see called Local Doctors for an urgent appointment, which was very rare for me because i had only been to the doctors before a handful of times. I went to doctors and was placed on citalopram 40mg, some propranolol 80mg and some 10mg of diazepam, which all in all knocked me totally out for the first few days of taking them, during my treatment i had to go to the Doctors every 4 days, then upto a week, then every 2 weeks which i did for 8 Months, I also had some CBT Sessions which were totally useless for me. In this time i totally stopped drinking Alcohol,and i am Tee Total to this day.

After 8 Months of hell, i finally got my self back into working mode and found myself a new job and seemed happish, which lasted for 2 years and then i suffered another smaller breakdown In January 2014, which then led to another year from hell. In the Nearly 4 years since all this began, i have  mostly been treated by my GP's, apart from when i had the CBT. My medication has changed numerous times, i was on citalopram various dosages, Trazodone 350 mg a day , Tramadol 300mg and then back onto Citalopram 40mg and i have had a beg for 2mg Diazepams which i was given 4 to last me a month!. In December 2014, i virtually begged my doctor to send me to see a Mental Health specialist, because i felt i could take no more, and i was just wasting too much of my life. I was a nervous wreck, crying all the time, only ever left the house for Doctors or Hospital, lost all my short term memory, i was a Broken Man ( Again).

During all this time, i have also suffered severe panic attacks, i have had thousands of them, and i have aguements with myself in my head, and i think of any situation, and i have the answer to every possible outcome in my head, what i will say, what other people will say, will i attack them, this, that the other, my head was totally full.

On Wednesday last week, i went to see the Mental health psychiatrist Consultant that i have been waiting to see, and i am so so happy that i did, finally i was seeing someone who understood me, someone who could listen and help me.

I was prescribed Quetiapine 50mg at night for a week then upto 100mg at night and Escitalopram 10mg to take in the morning, and also to take 3 x 2 mg Diazepam a day. I started taking them yesterday and today i feel the best i have done for many years, i feel totally relaxed, happy "Normal" 

Sorry if this is a long winded post, or confusing, i just need to write and get it off my chest.

1 like, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Welcome, this group has helped me so much, even today. I'm still struggling with my tablets, justing hoping that they'll work. Everyone is great on here, we are here for each other.
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  • Posted

    I forgot to add, i went from begging to Diazepam from Doctors where i was given 4 to last a month,to been give 96 tablets ha ha.
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    • Posted

      Slightly, I have problems like going in the kitchen to make a drink, then forget why i am in the kitchen, and then panic because i am out of bed. I can remember every single detail from when i was roughly 8 months old, but i have to read over and over this page again to remember what i have just written. 
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  • Posted

    Hi, I read your post with interest and great similarity to myself! This illness does come from no where.. So pleased to hear progression is taking place! Take care x
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  • Posted

    Thats great you finally got the right help you needed and i wish you lots of blessings for a happy future ahead smile
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  • Posted

    Many thanks for the replys, it really does mean alot, to be finally noticed and listened too :-) xx
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  • Posted

    Your Welcome we are always here for support

    you are never alone smile

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  • Posted

    Start writing a diary of your thoughts and or a blog. Sit under a tree in the warmer months and think of your life, then how you can combat it. Start walking a lot through countryside, get a pet, listen to music, decide that you will be someone, when the wind tries to knock you over stand tall against it and never let it do that, and eat lots of fruit. Help others who are vulnerable and protect animals and the weak and tell the world it will never defeat you. 
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  • Posted

    Thank you for sharing with ussmile 
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  • Posted

    Dale, I think i can safely say everybody who has had the misfortune to experience depression has at sometime convinced themselfs they are going insane, its not until you get knowledgeable people to talk to you realise your not bonkers ,your ill !!! i also have struggled with different pills , have been diagnosed with ptsd and have done 3 years cbt yeah i do have more "normal" days now but am looking in the shadows for IT to rear its ugly head......its good to talk is definately the way forward . good luck Dean
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