Severe Depression/ Panic Disorder/Gad.

Hello everyone, first post atfer plucking up the courage to do so. Here is a brief background of myself. I am a 40 Year old Man, Used to be very outgoing, quite confident "Normal" fellow, was a very heavy bring drinker ( Everyday Drunk) , had a good job,money, alot of friends etc, never took tablets or went to Doctors, but always had something that was not quiet right about me. Anyway, in April 2011, my world came crashing down around me without any warning at all, I suffered a Mental Breakdown! I went to work as normal, was having a laugh, a good normal day when suddenly myself and a work  colleague had a minor argument, i started to cry and could not take anymore, i flipped and walked out of that job and my life changed forever. I went home and said to my Mother that i needed help etc, and see called Local Doctors for an urgent appointment, which was very rare for me because i had only been to the doctors before a handful of times. I went to doctors and was placed on citalopram 40mg, some propranolol 80mg and some 10mg of diazepam, which all in all knocked me totally out for the first few days of taking them, during my treatment i had to go to the Doctors every 4 days, then upto a week, then every 2 weeks which i did for 8 Months, I also had some CBT Sessions which were totally useless for me. In this time i totally stopped drinking Alcohol,and i am Tee Total to this day.

After 8 Months of hell, i finally got my self back into working mode and found myself a new job and seemed happish, which lasted for 2 years and then i suffered another smaller breakdown In January 2014, which then led to another year from hell. In the Nearly 4 years since all this began, i have  mostly been treated by my GP's, apart from when i had the CBT. My medication has changed numerous times, i was on citalopram various dosages, Trazodone 350 mg a day , Tramadol 300mg and then back onto Citalopram 40mg and i have had a beg for 2mg Diazepams which i was given 4 to last me a month!. In December 2014, i virtually begged my doctor to send me to see a Mental Health specialist, because i felt i could take no more, and i was just wasting too much of my life. I was a nervous wreck, crying all the time, only ever left the house for Doctors or Hospital, lost all my short term memory, i was a Broken Man ( Again).

During all this time, i have also suffered severe panic attacks, i have had thousands of them, and i have aguements with myself in my head, and i think of any situation, and i have the answer to every possible outcome in my head, what i will say, what other people will say, will i attack them, this, that the other, my head was totally full.

On Wednesday last week, i went to see the Mental health psychiatrist Consultant that i have been waiting to see, and i am so so happy that i did, finally i was seeing someone who understood me, someone who could listen and help me.

I was prescribed Quetiapine 50mg at night for a week then upto 100mg at night and Escitalopram 10mg to take in the morning, and also to take 3 x 2 mg Diazepam a day. I started taking them yesterday and today i feel the best i have done for many years, i feel totally relaxed, happy "Normal" 

Sorry if this is a long winded post, or confusing, i just need to write and get it off my chest.

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