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Severe depressive disorder/ BPD

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sarah20344
sarah20344

Anyone with severe or any depression and Borderline personality disorder, am interested in the medication U r taking, what has hasn't worked. I've been under mental health services for over 20 years 10 of which I wasn't told I had BPD. Finally got a doctor who has experience in treating BPD. But my depression has always come and gone but the last 6 months I have been constantly and chronically depressed, I have finally had a change in medica

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • mary82457
    mary82457 sarah20344

    Posted

    MedIcatIon Is of lImIted use for people wIth BPD. (I don't care for the borderlIne BPD label, even If the profIle fIts.)

    I've been moderately depressed for what seems lIke forever, a decade at least; part of that came from old famIly Issues, problems wIth relatIves, then from hIdIng myself away for the world. Most of the tIme beIng around frIends brought me out of It temporarIly.

    I took prozac, (whIch worked for a while and then didn't), effexor (yuck!), and buproprion, (whIch did nothing), and lamictal, (did nothIng), so I stopped takIng anything.

    What snapped me out of depression was falling off the roof and breakIng a bunch of bones. I don't know if it's because I can't afford to dwell on it, but I haven't felt  depressed since the accident. I've had to focus completely on mendIng my bones. (I don't recommend it as a cure for depression, though.)

    The accident forced me to have a lot more human contact, and also allowed me plenty of time to research problems, BPD, and other things, and talk about them. For me, knowing why I feel and react the way I do has enabled me to control my emotions a lot better. Talking to people (those who don't judge me) is always enormously helpful; so is exercIse and diet, (more exercise than diet; I love sugar).

    I also had to divorce myself completely from my mega-dysfunctional family-of-origin; Yea! I fInally realIzed they were never goIng to let me be whole, and need  me to be "the sick one". It took almost 6 decades to make the decision. Now there's no one to talk about all the things they think are wrong wIth me, (at least not to my face). That had a Huge effect on gettIng over my depressIon.

    I may also feel better because the mild-ish paIn medicine I'm taking for my poor old broken body is also a serotonIn re-uptake inhibitor (like prozac). (I sure hope that's not the only reason I feel less depressed). 

    I really think beIng actively engaged wIth life and stayIng away from critical and dysfunctional people works better than pills, at least for me.

    Hope this helps.

    • sarah20344
      sarah20344 mary82457

      Posted

      Hi Mary Well done everything U have said is so true I have always been able to pick myself up and get bk on my feet but this time I just can't my family seem to think I am weak and lazy and I wish they knew just how much strength it takes to keep breathing. Exercise was my release but I just can't get motivated at all and I'm caught in a cycle becoz I feel scared to go by to my gym as I no IVE put on weight I also no logically no one cares its all in my head but I also no that it then becomes an obsession. I'm currently eating junk and crave sugar all the time which then makes me feel awful, My doctor told me to cut my family off years ago and I should do. U have done amazing, I did my back in 7 years ago and was in hospital I was put on bloody tramadol which I am still on I really wanna get off these but have tried alone and the withdrawals R awful. I just want to get out of the house I no only I can do it and I'm hoping that eventually I will. Thank U for sharing it is so helpful. I often think to myself If something happened to me like UR accident would I appreciate my life more after. I just really hate that if I had cancer or any other physical condition ppl would b more supportive my sister texts me R u ok wen she knows I'm not and I no she just wants me to say I'm ok so she feels better about herself I asked if I could go stay with her for a while as I no it would help greatly but she is not interested and just said she is sorry I'm struggling. My therapist told Me to just stop expecting anything from her then I cant b disappointed but it's so hard she can support her friends which really hurts.
    • mary82457
      mary82457 sarah20344

      Posted

      Oh, that message just really hurts to read. God knows I don't have any solid answers, but I know just what you're talking about. 

      Tramadol is what they recently switched me to, (down from stronger meds), and I was amazed by how effective an antidepressent it seems to be. From what you've written I guess it won't work forever, any more than prozac does. I know about withdrawals; have been through them many times, from other pain meds, especially since my accident. The depression is the worst. It does pass, though it doesn't seem like it ever will.

      The problem is, I suspect, that when depression is caused by the way we think, it can become a way of life, and no pill can make it go away forever.

      I  always used justifiable anger as a way to overcome depression. Anger  works, but can get a person into trouble if that's all they have to hang onto. (I'm talking about me, of course).

      For me, the most important thing is to be OK wIth myself, by whatever means necessary. I'm so used to being the bad guy that it feels normal to beat the crap out of myself mentally. That's why getting away from the family dysfunction was so important; I fInally realized that I'm not really all that dysfunctional when I'm not in the thick of it. (Unless some neighbor or stranger invades my territory or backs me into a corner or otherwise triggers the old family crap...) 

      I am trying to practice mindfulness, to be constantly aware of what's real and what is old defunct patterns of thinking; that's where all the self-education about emotional dysfunction comes in handy.

      I took a course at our guidance clinic that bored me to tears, but some of it may have sunk in. I don't remember what it was called, but if I can find the material I'll write you about it. It was basically a how-to course about making a plan for what to do when your emotions and thinking spiral out of control, a good idea for those who have a tendency to be "unbalanced".

      On the darkly humerous side, I'll tell you a story about my accident:

      After a few days in the hospital, they wanted me out of my expensive bed, but couldn't find a nursing home for me. So they started accusing me of jumping off my roof. If they could say I was suicidal, they could sent me off to a psych ward.

      (I was alone, 100 miles from home, with no clothes, no purse, no phone and no visitors. I'd been weeping, and moaning that "I don't want to be here anymore" because of the pain and the filth and the unemptied bedpan. Still, no one I've heard of would try to commit suicide by jumping off an 8 foot roof!) But they threatened me, so I judiciously signed myself into the Alzheimer's (!!) ward that was all they could find. Because I "volunteered", I knew they couldn't force me to stay there. I called for a rescue the next day. It was pretty hilarious, and would make for a hysterical screenplay, but not so funny while it was happening.

      At any rate, the whole bizarre accident and hospital stay was so scary that I had no choice but to rally and force myself to stay calm. I'll do whatever it takes to keep from being "unbalanced", because I never want to see the inside of an Alzheimer's ward again! 

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