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Severe fear of intimacy please help

Posted , 4 users are following.

addie1617
addie1617

I have been struggling with this for as long as I can remember. I have a horrible fear of being alone with/ intimate with boys (i'm a straight female 21 yrs old.) In junior high/high school I always liked boys but whenever they started to seriously like me back to the point of a possible relationship It made me uncomfortable and I'd block their number and start the cycle over with someone else. I just kept doing this through college and I never cared much because my friends said "You're so young it doesn't matter. you'll mature when it's the right person." I used to be pretty quiet in school and had pretty bad social anxiety as well as be self conscious but even though I got over that quite a few years ago and am much more confident I still think it plays into the issues I have now. I also have a rare condition that causes me to produce too much norepinephrine all the time and any time I feel any emotions my condition flares up to the point where I'm miserable so when I tried to get over it and hang out with a guy alone I had a panic attack and it has made me avoid it even more since. I also was raised by super strict parents who taught me to hate men and that girls who dated before college were sluts, and I will have to lie and sneak around with anyone I date or even just see. I am very pretty and do super well in school and am a super nice and outgoing person with a good amount of friends so I always have boys talking to me; but nobody knows what I really go through so they usually just end up thinking i'm mental. I'm sure its just a combination of all this and years of avoidance but It's really bothering me because I have been talking to a guy I have liked for a long time and could really see myself with him but instead I said something rude to make him dislike me and I'm realizing i need help. I have considered taking drugs or drinking so much I can't feel anything just to get over it and do it but I want to be able to do it sober ideally since drugs are horrible for my condition and I try to avoid them since they could lead to more issues. I can't see a therapist because my parents can't know I am struggling with this (still no boys allowed till i'm moved out) and it's covid so therapist aren't seeing new patients in person; I don't want to talk to a therapist online. I really am desperate and need help but I don't know what to do. Any help would be appreciated.

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • jan34534
    jan34534 addie1617

    Edited

    i’m sorry you were going through this. I can see how you would be conflicted after being taught to hate men. , and being told that if you dated before College you were really low. I would be conflicted also.

    of course those things are causing you anxiety when it comes to men and it doesn’t really have to be that way. You need support right now. Even if you have to go somewhere to speak with a counselor online, it is something that is necessary right now for you. You are an adult and should be able to make your own decisions when it comes to dating, and anything else. . Getting the help would provide you with some tools to manage this situation.

    is there anyway you can be on your own? Sounds like you really like a certain man and it would be sad if you were not able to

    move forward with him. You may never know what may have happened if this terrible situation continues. you are sabotaging relationships with men that could’ve possibly been wonderful relationships.

    Drugs and alcohol will make everything 1000 times worse and they will lead to other problems. That’s not the answer. You need to speak with someone who can help you with this. it’s time to take care of yourself and put yourself first. Otherwise nobody else will. Be a fighter for yourself.

    • addie1617
      addie1617 jan34534

      Posted

      you are too sweet thank you for your words of encouragement they mean a lot to me

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