Severe Health Anxiety over 1 enlarged Lymph Node.

Hi, this is my first post, was just looking to get some info as I’m struggling at the moment.

Some background information about me, 28 year old male, good health (I assume) doesn’t smoke or drink, eats good and works out. When I was 20 I had a mole removed which turned out to be melanoma, which was a shock at that age, however it was strange as my surgeon said the reason my results took so long to get back (6-8 weeks) was they could not 100% put say it was melanoma, he said if 10 doctors looked at it, 5 would say yes, 5 would say no, but the best option is to treat it as if it was. So I had a wider excision and sentinel lymph node biopsy, both came back clear and I proceeded to have 5 years of check ups. Before this I was never aware of lymph nodes , etc, so during that time I would fiddle and feel around for anything in my body because I was paranoid, of course I found this bump in my neck that I’ve never felt, consistently played with it, Googled it, convinced myself it was cancer, let my mind just take control and didn’t mention it for a good few months just because I was scared. Eventually I did and the doctor said let’s just remove it , so we took it out and I got a letter saying it was just a reactive node, nothing to worry about. Finish my 5 years of checks, brilliant, no health anxiety, feeling good.

Fast forward a few months ago, started to convince myself I was having a heart attack / stroke symptoms as I was falling asleep, was a shock to me. Obviously googled things again, heart problems, mini strokes, I convinced myself I had these problems. Went to my docs, checked me over, said I was too young and I was suffering with anxiety/panic attacks, eventually it just went away. 

Now a few weeks ago, as there was nothing wrong with me, I went for a feel around, right groin, the inguinal node? Felt slightly swollen, oh what’s that? Oh no so Dr Google comes to my rescue again, lymphoma, or a cancer that has spread. For 8 days I did nothing but google, touch, rub this node around 200 times a day, some days it was soft and small, others felt a bit bigger and firmer, it moves under my finger which I read was good. All this time though I’m telling myself I have terminal cancer and I’m going to die, my cancer has come back. Like I wish I couldn’t have these thoughts but they have made my life miserable the last 2 weeks, I went to the docs but had a panic attack the night before over the fear of what was going to be said. I told her everything I’ve wrote on here,  She checked my BP, temp, listened to my chest from the front and back and then felt the node. Literally 2/3 seconds and she said it felt normal?! I was like you are joking?! No she said. I couldn’t believe it, was a relief, I asked what signs they look for and she said lymph nodes can go like golf balls? Anyway that was last week, I thought great, let’s move on, but I can’t, for the last 7 days all I’ve done is prod, feel and google again and again, I know it’s not good for me, I’m making myself ill. I’ve had no other symptoms apart from a couple of days ago a bad stomach and some diarrhoea, convinced myself this was my body giving up. I’ve moidered myself that much I’ve booked another doctors appointment to feel this node again?! I was thinking what if the first doc was wrong? She only felt it when I was lieing down, it feels much softer and smaller in that position as to when I’m standing up straight it feels a bit bigger and bit firmer. I’m struggling a lot atm, like I can’t even think about the future because I think I won’t be around sorry for the long post

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