Severe panic attacks, agoraphobia and ptsd? Need to take meds? Help!
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hi everyone, i've suffered with panic attacks since i was 7. I'm now a 27 year old mom with 3 kids! i also have agoraphobia, OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and PTSD. i have been isolating, scared to leave my home, i shake, hyperventilate, i wake up gasping for air, i have nightmares, my legs go weak, i feel faint 24/7, i cant make doctors appointments, tingly hands, sweating, i cant go into a store or even near a store because i don't want anyone to see me, i get very angry at people easily, im constantly on edge, i cant drive anymore, i cant go to my kids school nor be friends with anyone because im so fearful ill be hurt, judged or i will attack them with hateful words for hurting me.. i always feel attacked so i just avoid everyone. ive had the worst childhood you could ever imagine... and i also live in an apartment complex with 300 other apartments which triggers the unhealed childhood trauma in me because someone is always yelling/fighting, slamming doors, people are always dying here, cops are always here, lots of crime happens and im deathly afraid for me and my kids. (just imagine yelling at someone to stop with a gun pointed to your head) This is why i have panic attacks so severely now. I'm afraid ill get shot, see the dead or ill be attacked.. i don't belong here. i went to college, i have all my kids, i have an excellent credit score, i was a firefighter, i used to work now I'm on disability.. i fought for everything i have and everyone else here lost their kids, they're on dr!gs, they party, drink, they're criminals.. i need out. i just sit inside and mind my own business. i used to fight with people here because they vandalized my yard/car or their kids hurt my kids and the parents don't care to watch them or discipline them .. i sit inside all day long or have to run to my car with my kids to avoid everyone here and in that time frame my anxiety is so bad i nearly faint.. i hate going outside here. i also have groceries delivered here for me and my kids... luckily my husband has been absolutely amazing to me.. he quit his job until I'm better.. ive had severe panic attacks for the past 1.5 years.. i feel trapped in my home.
i took citalopram when i was younger and it worked so well for my anxiety/ptsd/depression.. i asked for it again last December (5mg) and i didn't have anxiety all day long until at night while i was trying to sleep i felt jittery while trying to fall asleep and i woke up 6 hours later having a severe panic attack but my nightmares had stopped... the panic attack was soo bad i nearly fainted in my bathroom but it stopped a full minute after.. i stopped the medication immediately after that and now i regret it. i wish i stayed on it. i want to try the meds again.. i miss myself. i miss the happiness i felt. i left my home without a fear. i felt great for once in my life... now i cant even go fill out home loan papers for my family because i am so fearful of everyone. i feel so useless.. i just want a beautiful peaceful home for my family... (i have 2 therapists, 1 psychiatrist, and 2 doctors) they're no help! anyone have good experiences with citalopram with such severe anxiety?
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