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sex and genital herpes

Posted , 5 users are following.

b22745
b22745

im starting a new relationship, the first since i was diagnosed 4 months ago. when having sex i obviously know using a condom will reduce the risk of me spreading it (hsv2), however where do i stand in terms of oral sex? i am a female, is there a chance he will get hsv2 around his mouth if he goes down? also, has anyone experienced spreading hsv2 to their partners even by wearing a condom?

also the biggie, how do you tell someone new you have herpes. this is such a distressing thing to live with, i feel i have a constant weight on my shoulders.

any help and advice at all is welcomed

0 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • mary55677
    mary55677 b22745

    Posted

    Yes, unless you use oral protection it can be passed. You need to be honest with your new partner. I think it's better to say you have been diagnosed with hsv2 instead of saying herpes. Although it is the same, it seems to be an easier, more acceptable intro. Also, follow it up with your med regimen and all the appropriate info. Good luck. Don't wait to say what's up.
    • b22745
      b22745 mary55677

      Posted

      thanks for your reply, in terms of passing it orally i assume it would be more painful thany your ordinary herpes cold sore? i know i need to be honest, i just cant get it straight in my head how to drop the bomb shell. will keep u updated, thanks 
    • mary55677
      mary55677 b22745

      Posted

      If you come from a confident place of knowledge and responsibility, you will be suprised at the reaction. Do not be emotional about it, just state the facts.
  • Koolredd
    Koolredd b22745

    Posted

    I didn't think you could get HSV2 on your lips .. Not to push the luck or anything but me and my boyfriend had sex during an active break out (thought it was a chemical / 2nd degree burn at the time) and now 2 months later basically & 2 tests he somehow hasn't contracted the virus., which has me in serious awe and very thankful...

    I'm not on any suppressive medicine or anything and we've had sex at least twice un protected since my last outbreak , still nothing plan on having him go back at the end of February to get another test done ...

    I can't say or for everyone tho , as far as oral he has given me oral like once .. He has a pretty boy face so me is very scared to give me oral which I can't say I blame him I was very scared for him to do it & not trying to get to personal but a female also gave me oral no issues I'm not quite sure how that works but I would love to know the rights and wrongs ..

    Sorry about your diagnosis ... Don't let it get you down tho you seem pretty positive about the whole thing.. I'm completely scared to let anyone know about my diagnosis . Scared of their opinions and how they will look at me ..

    Only person that knows is my boyfriend .,,

    At least you have something or someone wanting to lead a relationship with you

    I can honestly say that if things don't work out with me and my boyfriend I don't plan on doing the dating scene or sex for that matter for a very long time ., I'm just to embarrassed and more so ashamed .., scared and frightened...

    What happens when you let this information out to someone . You break up and they throw it back in your face and tell everyone .

    Like I don't think that I can deal with it ..

    How many outbreaks have you had since you got diagnosed ,? Just one ?

    How is the medicine that they gave you?

    Just a future reference ... If you are already having an active outbreak the medicine won't do anything .. It only prevents future breakouts ..

    I'm so so so happy that you are someone that is not letting the disease overcome you its major Motivation if you ask me and I hope everything goes well with you.

    • b22745
      b22745 Koolredd

      Posted

      Hi koolredd, im so so so so so scared of passing this on to anyone. I never confronted the person who passed it on to me but the anger and hatred i feel for them and that they failed to tell me they had this virus makes me ill to my stomach, as someone could feel this way towards me if they ever caught it..

      do you feel comfortable and ordinary in your sex life? how did your boyfriend react when you first told him you had herpes?

      i feel this guy is going to run a mile if and when i tell him, i keep putting off sex because im scared of the consequences when i tell him. 

      i ask those questions too, if i tell this new guy is he going to go and tell family or friends and make an embarrassment out of me. he knows somethings up, we have only been seeing each other a few months and he recently told me he feels im holding back on letting him get to know me - and this is the reason why but how can i just blurt it out to him.

      im trying to remain as positive as i can but inside it is killing me and its not getting easier. i have only taken meds for my very first outbreak but i feel i need to begin suppressive therapy. 

      thankyou for your advice and concern, im very happy you are in a happy relationship with someone who accepts you have this silly virus. what annoys me most is at the end of the day herpes is nothing but a skin condition with no danger attatched to it at all, its the fact there is so much stigma surrounding it - people associate it with dirty people and promiscuity, when in fact anyone can catch it just like anyone can catch a common cold. 

    • mary55677
      mary55677 Koolredd

      Posted

      Hey koolredd, send me a private message, it seems you have received some false info, I am a nurse n know a great deal about this, especially meds, they do work!!! I can maybe ease your mind a bit..smile
    • Koolredd
      Koolredd b22745

      Posted

      GIRL.

      I'm in the same predictament as you !!!! The person that infected me never let it be known that they were infected at all , like how can you purposely have sex with someone and not let them know you have herpes . And now I'm stuck with it ...

      Sex with me and my boyfriend is completely different man .,,I can honestly say that , we were really active sexual people with each other and now it's like he holds back from me which I can't say that I blame him .. We just can't out of no where have sex right that second in the heat of the moment we have to stop and wait for him to put on a condom ... It's a scary scary thought to think I would ever ever give him this disease that's why I'm always telling him to leave me and move on I feel like he deserve so much better ....

      Hell I can tell you honestly if anyone ever told me they had herpes before I caught this I would've ran farrr away so i guess you can say that it's karma for me .. Smh

      I can tell you that it doesn't even look like I have herpes down there . I would like to take suppressive medicine too so I don't have to worry about too kudu but as of right now I don't have any health insurance and I'm worried that it might be reaaaally expensive to pay out of pocket ..

      My main when it came to telling him was that he would leave me which I couldn't even blame him if he did .. I deserve it completely .

      The best advice that you can ever get from a situation like this is just be honest. ..took me a while to tell mine , but he knows .

      And the man will either accept it or he won't . If he doesn't then he wasn't meant for you .. At all ..

      And when you do tell him make sure you got all the facts together for when he asks questions they really like that .

    • snow25382
      snow25382 b22745

      Posted

      ask him to get a test. say you want to know if he'c clean before jumping in that boat. If he comes back with positive results, you've nothing to worry about. If he's negative, don't bother. Just break it off. Make some excuse. Say first that you're on your period. Then tell him you've met someone else and aren't interested in him anymore. If you don't do that, chances are he'll run and tell everyone on social media. Nothing can stay a secret anymore.
  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus b22745

    Posted

    Hsv2 rarely infects the mouth, but the first few months to a year of infection are the most infectious. You should consider suppressive therapy to further reduce the transmission risk to a presumably negative partner regardless. Condoms only reduce transmission by up to 50%.
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      If hsv2 were to infect the mouth, it would be indistinguishable from a regular cold sore and would rarely ever recur or shed.
    • snow25382
      snow25382 FelizCastus

      Posted

      It could be dormant in someone's mouth for years. I don't allow guys to kiss me anymore because I know I have it and could potentially pass it on.
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