Sexual anxiety and how you conquer it?
Posted , 3 users are following.
I need some help/advice on how exactly i can get my confidence back in regards to performance anxiety.
I'm 31 years old and been with my girlfriend for 3 and a half years. Sex has always been great and no issues at all. A couple of months or so back we were partaking in this activity when it went flaccid after 15 mins of various positions. This is the only time this has happened so i was shocked/anxious/frightened but sort of brushed it off to my girlfriend.
Since the day of the latest episode it has been on my mind. On bad days i literally cant go sleep. Ive since spoken to my girlfriend who is always very supporrive and relaxes me. I suffer from health anxiety issues previous to this (basically if i get sick i think its more severe than it is etc..always fear the worst and also if i get a sickness i basically think it will never go away).
Anyway since that day we have had sex and its been ok (but im still always thinking about not going flaccid which results in it sometimes going flaccid and not enjoying the moment as much). I would have a week or so when im good then back to negative thoughts. Then good then bad etc.
I know its not anything more than performance anxiety because i'm fine when ive had a few drinks to make me forget about it (and last for a long long time without any signs of it going soft), i get morning wood most mornings (when ive had a good sleep and i'm feeling good about myself and not thinking about it), i get erections pretty quickly during foreplay and ive had my Testeserone levels checked last year out of pure interest and was on the highish side of things (725 was my T). The anxiety is really damaging me though and when i think im fine...the slump just hits me. Some days i think "oh it will never get hard again" despite being hard the day before which leads me to test it out and see if i can make myself hard...its like an obsession. As i said, getting errect with my girlfirend is not an issue as she always turns me on but i cant help overanalysing things. If i get erect quicker some day then another day i start feeling negative and trying to work out why it happened etc etc. I just want to overcome this anxiety i feel at the thought of sexual intercourse since the first incident ( i used to be the one always excited about the thought of sex with my girlfriend and always ask for it constantly). Also the sleep issues due to this may sound pathetoc but its really effecting me.
0 likes, 3 replies
Italia06 Kingdawson
Posted
your T levels are good. it appears you're worried about pleasing her, which means you don't want to disappoint her by performing poorly based on your opinion in doing so. there could be times you feel sex was great and you performed well and even may have asked your partner if it was great to which you'd never really know despite positive feedback from your partner. point is all this worry is hindering your performance. anxiety can cause you to go limp or take longer to reach an erection. you should focus on having really good T levels at 725. obviously, it's all in your mind and you're so focused on pleasing her as if you want her to have to ideal perception of you.
in your current situation it might be best to focus on your wants and desires, prioritize them over worrying about satifying your partner. don't be afraid to finish quick if you feel like it and explain to her, for example..."sorry but i couldn't wait". admit to being selfish at times when you do.
a lot of guys have been in your shoes...i have as well. the more you focus and think about it the worse it becomes. you get so caught up in fearing she'll leave or you're not good enough etc...
like you've written...you're being too analytical about all of this and putting way too much pressure on yourself. try not to care regardless of performance.
Kingdawson Italia06
Posted
Cheers for the response mate. I followed your advice and had 2 really positive days where i felt good about myself and yesterday resulted in a really good session with the girlfriend. I've basically decided to ban myself from watching any porn and literally just visualise the feeling of being inside her as a way to sexually stimulate myself (not to masterbate but to put me in the mood). Its sort of allowed me to be excited about the prospect of sex again rather than be nervous. I still get these random thoughts at some points of the day where i think "hmmm maybe today is the day it wont go up" (despite it never happening) and that usually comes when my penis is at its smallest flaccid size. Im thinking how can it get from that..to being erect which is obviously silly. Anyway i feel better though and have also had 2 really good sleeps as well which helps.
Kingdawson
Posted
Health anxiety is a real b***h.
So on saturday i made the huge mistake of going to the doctors for a general check up. Doctor checks my BP and its high ( due to my health anxiety i suffer bad from white coat syndrome and panic when i'm in a doctors office/hospital/dentist). Anyway i told him about this and that its always high when i'm in the gp's but its in the normal range when i calm down and check it at home (average around 127/70). He seemed fine with it and just told me to record my readings daily and we will take it from there. Went home and the first reading is usually high due to the anxiety i have with putting the arm cuff on but goes back to normal after i'm calm (average the last 3 days around 125/70). Anyway i know its the anxiety but my brain is always working extra and telling me (what if it is high BP) then i somehow try to make a connection with the sexual issues etc etc. Now ive had rubbish sleep for 2 days due to the anxiety kicking up.
During the time i made the original post me and my girlfriend have literally had sex near enough every night with no issues. Just great sleep, great sex..everything great. Now that i visited the doctors i feel panicky again even though i bloody know my blood pressure is just fine and ive had this white coat syndrome since i was in my early twenties. I Hate how health anxiety tries to make you connect the dots that are not there. So annoying because i really thought i was starting to overcome this but now its back to square one.