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Hi I am new to this site.
I had a baby who suffered brain damage at birth last year which has broken my world and my heart. I returned to work 4 months after the birth and due to the nature of my baby's complex needs I was getting no sleep (and I mean 2 hours max on a good day) and the emotional impact of my child's disability was immense.
I started to find work increasingly difficult and have gradually lost all of my confidence in my career aswell as a mother. I was working long hours just to meet my work demands and it has all got too much for me to bear on top of coping with my child needs. I was having so many panic attacks that one night my husband phoned an ambulance thinking I was having a heart attack.
My behaviour has changed since my child has been born but more so over the last 6 months. I am either running on adrenaline doing a thousand things a day, can't sleep and agitated, constant worrying thoughts racing through my mind and me constantly doing endless jobs to distract myself - ----to not being able to eat, smile, think,net out of bed, totally numb. No normality, just UP or DOWN.
However I seem to have sunk into a very deep dark place and feel that this depression has taken hold of me. I just can't cope anymore. My physical health is suffering as a consequence and I have had lots of minor physical symptoms.
I have been off work for 6 weeks and still feel completely depressed (although I did start some antidepressants yesterday so I hold out hope for that). I am worried that i have been absent from work for too long and feel incredibly guilty. I feel that I should be in work instead of getting better as I thought that with this amount of time off I would be feeling so much better by now. No such luck. How long do people need to recover from episodes like this or will I feel like this forever now?
I don't know whether I should be just returning to work regardless off my mental health-sometimes i don't even feel human anymore. My heart is just aching with sadness for my baby that sometimes I feel like I can't breathe anymore. Please help.
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