Should I have an abortion or keep my baby?

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I am 36 yrs old and have 4 children. I have just found out i am 4 weeks pregnant. I don't know what to do. Husband wants me to consider abortion and I have made plans to talk to an advisor tomorrow from the abortion clinic. The thing is I have suffered a miscarriage before which effected me greatly. I just wish I wasn't in this position.

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  • Posted

    Personally I would be fuming at my husband for even suggesting an abortion. Just remember how much joy your other children bought to you when you saw them for the first time. You might find that when you get to that age where you can no longer have children, you will regret not keeping this one and it will hurt you even more than having a miscarriage did. If you fall pregnant and have had a miscarriage in the past, there is actually no greater risk of having one again believe it or not. Obviously the older we get can have its own risks. You may get a lot of criticism for this post, but do what you feel is best for your life right now. I'm not completely against abortion, I know it's necessary if there were major defects or risks to the mother. But if you are living a stable life and are living comfortable money wise, would it really be such a bad thing to have another little one?
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  • Posted

    This really is an ethical dilema.  I don't think that morality changes based on a person's belief, it is an eternal constant.  Morality does not depend on yiur age, station in life, the number of children that you already have or how your husband feels about having another child.  Right is right and wrong is wrong.  All I can say is stand up for the life of your unborn child.  You couldn't save the baby that you miscarried but this one is entirely within your ability to save.  Find someone else to stand by you and give your courage in keeping your child.  Yes having live kids can be tough but as you already know having a dead kid is even tougher. If you have to tighten up your belt, add another bed to the bunk, another potato to the pot and beg friends for used clothing it will all be worth it in the end.  I grew up poor as one of nine kids in a 2 bed 1 bath house but I would never have at any opint have wanted to trade the life of my sibblings for a life of ease.  Stay strong and do right, not just because you want to but because saving the life of your child is the nobelest thing you can do.  Be glad that you are in this situation because this situation you can control unlike your miscarriage.  So sorry for your loss.  
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  • Posted

    Thanks for posting here, Karen.  You're in a tough spot, and that took guts.  And as one of four boys in my family, I understand your husband's position as well.  But please, please consider adoption, if you cannot keep the child yourself.  If needed, my wife and I would be honored to raise your child ourselves.  Just let me know.

    Again, thanks for your courage in posting.  



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  • Posted

    Hello Karen! I'm sorry that you are facing this difficult situation. You must be really stressed out.

    This is, at the end of the day, your decision. You need to make the decision for yourself. Lots of different kinds of considerations can go into making that decision-- resources, whether you have or are willing/able to make space and time in your life for a pregnancy or a child, whether you have the support of your friends and family, etc. While a consideration of the support that your husband or friends and family can offer to you (no matter what you choose) is an important thing to think about, at the end of the day this needs to be your choice. Your husband cannot make the decision for you.

    Your miscarriage was a traumatic experience. You are absolutely not alone in that, and I am so sorry that you had to go through it. It makes sense that given that history you would have complicated feelings about abortion.

    You have four children. You know what it is like to be pregnant, give birth, and parent those children. You need to listen to your gut on this one. Can you raise another child? Can you give birth and then give away that child?

    People come to the decision to have an abortion for so many different reasons, but the most important thing is that the decision comes from YOU. If you do decide to have an abortion, please know that it is TOTALLY OKAY. It is a safe procedure, especially this early in the pregnancy. It will likely not be anything like the miscarriage you experienced.

    People have a wide variety of responses to making that decision-- some people feel nothing but relief, others may have more complicated feelings-- guilt, sadness, stress, etc. Some people say a prayer for the child they could have had, some people write that child a letter. Others feel okay about it without doing those things-- they knew they were doing what was right for them. All of that is totally normal and totally okay!

    What is NOT okay is OTHER people making that decision for you. This is your body, it is your life, it is your future and your conscience. Whatever you decide, there are resources to help you-- folks who can help guide you through the experience of having an abortion (and sometimes help cover the cost, if that is a concern), folks who can help guide you through the adoption process (including people who can specifically help you through the physical and emotional challenges of giving birth to a baby that will be leaving you), and folks who can help you with the resources you would need to parent if you decide to have the baby.

    This is a stressful time. Listen to your gut. You are the expert of your own life. Trust yourself, and please take care. You are precious!

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