Should I phone for counselling? Please answer considering all the facts - because I am unsure.

Posted , 8 users are following.

Hi all,

Yes, I have helped many people on these forums - but now it is 'role-reversal' and it is me in the wrong. Well, I think it is... I have tried to keep this as short as possible, many areas of my life are missing - in 2 cases I nearly died from the inside-out, whereby part of my intestines turned gangrene and I have also had Testicular Cancer and lost both of my parents in the past decade.

I have never posted on here before under Depression for myself, but I have been hiding the real truth for many years. It may sound stupid, but I have even given people advice on depression and never let on what was underlying in my own life, not to anyone. However, last Monday I went in to “meltdown” – a complete breakdown, not just in front of my wife but two of my children as well.

What happened on that evening has never hit me before, it was worse than I had ever expected! My wife had gone shopping with my daughter, I was sat at my desk just literally watching the seconds go by, waiting for them to return. At the same time the anger within me, was just building up even more.

I heard the car pull up on the drive, waited until they both got in the bungalow, and then I just ‘exploded’ with shear anger at my wife, firing everything I could think of, and blaming her all for it. After that, I said I am going out and not returning because I am not needed here. Even worse I mentioned jumping off the bridge down the road from us, bearing in mind my son and daughter had heard it all. Everyone was shouting at me to calm down “all I wanted to do was leave the bungalow”!

After a while I calmed down but was an emotional wreck. My wife asked what was so wrong – so I told her.

I said I was fed up with my life of being disabled, being a burden on people, not being able-bodied enough to do hardly anything, and life being just doing the same 24/7 routine, (sleep, eat, go on the computer, very rarely go out, have meals, back to bed at nights and then it all starts over again!). It is a living recurring nightmare, day in, day out…! Then on top of it all, I have to put up with muscle spasms, cramps, swollen legs, ankles and feet, the Cervical Dystonia is so painful and the Generalised Dystonia can be that bad that I cannot even touch my legs without feeling pain.

The Dystonia affects the nervous system, while in many cases this can be all it is, there are other ailments that derive from it, namely Epilepsy and Functional Episodes, and to top it off there is the irritable bowel syndrome.

I went to see my doctor on Tuesday, but she was unavailable, so I had to see a locum. I even broke down in front of him, in my wheelchair – on that day, he said try and calm down and book an appointment for Thursday. I went back to see him on that day, he prescribed Sertraline 50mg one a day and suggested I talk to a counsellor – he gave me 2 places I could call.

One Sunday dinnertime my mother-in-law came around, and she mentioned something, which I was sure she was wrong, so I told her different. After that, she carried on, and I could feel myself becoming more and more agitated as she went on. I am not normally like this, which makes no sense to me, I ‘exploded’ on the previous Monday evening, and that feeling was starting all again. My wife stepped in and said calm down and asked if I was crying. Then my mother-in-law spoke saying something along the lines of you cannot be crying over that, believe me crying was the last thing on my mind, I could feel myself becoming more agitated the more she said, so I said “for God’s Sake!”, then she got on her high horse. If she had of said one more word, I think I would have lost it again! So, I moved away from her, and closer to the hallway to get away from her. The last time I lost control was on that Monday evening, and I was trying to avoid that – and she was talking about the causes of depression, which I did not want to hear from her.

I managed to calm down, I have only been taking Serteline since Wednesday, so it is early days – what I wanted to know was should I phone a counsellor sooner rather than later! I am normally such a placid person, and never felt so enraged as I was on that Monday evening. I do not wish to harm anyone or myself, even though in the past I was asked if I had suicidal tendencies, and I said ‘No’ – it should have been ‘yes’ but at the time all I was suffering from was emotional breakdowns and hiding them. My wife as already said that if a repeat performance ever happened like last Monday, then she would call the Police.

BTW, I am disabled (I know this may sound stupid!), and take over 30 medications a day – split over 4 periods. I have changed in many ways, mentally over the past year, which makes me think it is medicine related rather than just mentally.

Regards,

Les.

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  • Posted

    Hi Les

    so sorry to hear about your circumstances right now. I am of the view that it is medication interactions that's making you feel this way. Settling down on an antidepressant is hard in itself and usually takes a few weeks to stabilise. But if you are taking over 30 medications daily then it's vitally important that all these med are checked out for possible adverse interaction with sertraline. My thoughts are your experiencing severe depression (eg anger,tears etc) and now having to adjust to sertraline and possible interaction with some of your other drugs.

    Try explaining to your family how unwell you are feeling and that you will get another appointment with your doctor to iron out some of the concerns especially side effects and interactions of the drugs you are taking.

    It may be good for them to look up a page on depression too. It's so hard for others to uunderstand what a day in our shoes is like.

    i hope you have recovered from your other illnesses. ..you really have been through the wringer.

    god bless you Les. .stay strong

    hugs to you

    Lorraine xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you for replying Lorraine,

      I have booked a 15 minute appointment with my main Neurologist Consultant, because he mentioned he did not like me being on Tramadol 200mg and Amitriptyline 20mg (for pain relief), because these two drugs can cause seizures, both Epileptic and Functional Episodes. In the past month I have been rushed into hospital 4 times, one session just over a week ago, I had 9 seizures in the space of 2 hours which even with me, is totally abnormal. They tried to remove Tramadol but  side-effects from the new medication they added before trying to take me off them, made me feel really ill.

      Cancer, I was signed out of the remission period in March - even that was not easy. Just before last Christmas I was having tests for Prostate Cancer, this was given the all clear in February, it took longer because a polyp was found, luckily it was benign.

      I am on the highest dosage of Sodium Valproate of 2,000mg a day, any higher and they have to be changed.

      Madopar I take about 70mg a day, for Dystonia - but on top of this is 6 BoTox Injections every 10 weeks done by a Neurologist.

      They try to not change medications drastically, because of the ccomplexity and reactions.

      Is there any benefit from talking to a counsellor, I have never phoned one before, but at the moment my head is all over the place. The doctor I seen said he will see me again in 2-3 weeks, which is fine - I noticed Sertraline has some pretty potent side-effects, so I have stopped drinking anything with caffeine in it.

      I wish life was a lot easier, instead of getting worse - the things that go through my mind are just negative all the time.

      I am grateful for your input regarding the medication, my main ones can only be changed by my Neurologist at the moment, which is not until early January 2016.

      Regards,

      Les.

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    • Posted

      Hi Les

      my goodness your in a difficult situation as January is a way away.

      Lots of people recommend counselling and are of the view it really helps. Personally it's not for me. I tried cognitive behavioural therapy which although good was nothing i didn't already know. To me things will be easier to accomplish when my depression has lifted. in your case i think counselling would be very good for you. You gave experienced so much trauma which most people will not experience in a lifetime. Our brains try and make sense of everything we experience but the level of trauma you have endured has made this task tricky for your brain to digest/accept and adapt. In your shoes i would 100% go for counselling. Post traumatic stress is something that will be hard to shift without professional support.

      here for you at anytime

      Lorraine x

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  • Posted

    Oh, I feel so much for you. I recognise your anger symptoms but I have much less reason to be angry as you have. Stress, anxiety and depression cause all sorts of reactions that we would not have in normal situations. Its only my opinion but I think you should get as much help as possible. Counselling from a professional and seeing your doctor, emergency appointment if things are desperate. I hope and pray that you get the help you need asap. Thinking of you with love.
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  • Posted

    Yes, Les, I most definitely think you should get some sort of talking therapy. 

    I am so sorry to hear how bad things are for you, it must be terrible to have to put up with so many physical problems.....I would be amazed if you weren't depressed.  I think you are very brave. 

    I will keep you in my thoughts and look forward to hearing how things go.  Stay positive and strong.

    Pat xxx

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