Posted , 4 users are following.
Well I'm brand new here. Thought this would be the perfect place to spill out the contents of my mind and ask opinions. Apologies in advanced if this is a little long...
So basically I'm wondering if I'm "normal" or should get myself down the doctors...
A bit of background. My life has always been pretty good. However, my mother became severely mentally ill when I was about 4. My father looked after her a lot and so we were pretty poor. Few days without electric and that kind of thing but no shortage of love. We were a regular family.
Has always been in the back of my (and my older sisters) mind that my mothers illnesses could be passed on (we were told this years ago).
Well anyway, more recently my mother has passed away...a year ago now. And also my wife has had an affair, with a women! I spend a lot of time working away which gets lonely too.
So what I'm really asking I suppose is are all my negative thoughts something I need help for or just part of having a tough year. Let me list a few that concern me most (and I'm sorry if some of these seem silly)...
- I don't sleep even though I'm tired. I just can't bring myself to go to bed. I often fall asleep on the sofa because I'm just too tired to stay awake anymore.
- I am terrified of stupid things. My job, to the point where I avoid places. Waking my kids and sometimes facing people.
- Every so often I just want to run away on my own and be depressed. It's like I go in to almost a blank state.
- Some reckless behaviour (which I don't really want to reveal on here)
- General constant tiredness, disinterest and nervousness.
- Constant eating.
- A bit of paranoia
- Negative attitude
I have had all of these for a long time, probably since childhood but more recently it has all become a lot worse. I've always felt like I'm a bit mad, but I'm becoming to be convinced of it as they get worse.
Now what is really holding me back is that no-one I know has noticed, so maybe I'm imagining everything? And I don't want anyone thinking that I'm making it up for attention or anything like that. I'm especially reluctant to see a doctor for much the same reason. If he says its nothing I will feel very silly and will have to explain to my family that I'm being an idiot...don't really fancy that.
I've done my research and it's like I've had most symptoms, but not really severely.
So...is it all in my head, or could it be something more?
Thank you for taking the time to read such an essay.
0 likes, 11 replies