Should I see my doctor?

I think you should go and see your G.P. It sounds like you could do with someone to talk to. Judging by what you have said about your family laughing at a letter you had recieved. It seems like they are not very helpful.

Some people and i just don't mean families but ,friends,neighbours and work colleagues. Don't seem to realise the effect how just a simple joke or and act of laughing, has on some one with depression.

Try to look on the positive side of things, you said you have had a good week,which is a major achievment.

Good luck with the housing.

I hope all goes well for you, and keep battling on.

madmouse

Yes, concentrate on the good week. You have to realise that there are people who simply don't recognise depression as something that has to be treated seriously - just as you would a serious physical injury. Have more to do with the people who seem to understand.

Thanks for your support madmouse and John. Im just going to take it easy for a bit-then see. Im worried, I start back at Uni next week-Ive not even had my results yet-everytime I think about them I choke and find myself staring down the big long white tunel-I dont really know why.

Then theres this letter-my mad disorganisation skills are driving me crazy so much that, grrrrr, I want to sort it, but its never my priority to do so. I want it to be like my mothers house, neat warm , cosey , cocmfortable etc, Sometimes it is, but other times ....anyway, its not that bad, but its not that good either.

Thi is my madness though, I just always throw the real issues under the rug , then find something else to worry about. Whne Im most upset I concentrate on my size, usually as I feel big or something. Like today I satrted to get paranoid about the sixe of my chin( I nkow its not important) but its what I do. I dont knkow if anyone can understand this-does anyone understand what im saying? Anyway, I wanted to add-when I first started citalopram-20mgs, I was jumpy - more so than ever, I was really tired but couldnt sleep, I walked for miles, I lost my apetite. Now....and remeber Ive taken it for ages, I cant stop sleeping, I dont seem to face my realities,( I dont want to). i cry when things upset me, but im more socialable. My mum and sister have been my best support..Ive put on weight, my knees feel like they have fluid or something in them...and while I go off to a tangent....I hate this remark:we spoke about it the other night, dont you remeber?\" Followed by , :Look darling ( grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!) look darling ( scrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaammmmm) Im going to do my dissertation on domestic abuse and the unseen, a cross cultural study! Ok, Im getting carried away -didnt mean to wirte all this.all I want is my bed, I want to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppppp!!!How do dactors and those I dissaprove off 9 lawyers do it?Okay, im going now...the rambles of an idiot are above. got to go. take care.

Hi Bad Girl

Is there any way you could de-stress your life a bit. I know this can be difficult. Perhaps you could also make some me time. When you can just do something for you, maybe go out and have a coffee or sit at home with a book for an hour. something that you want to do.

What are you studying at uni?

any how, stick with it

madmouse

Hi madmouse-im sure I could find some me time somehow. Thank you for your support. Iam worried this weekend as Ive still got stomach ache, Ive had an upset stomach for ages. I am thinking -when is the last time I had a normal stoamch day. Yesterday was really scary and this is really embarassing but it didnt do me any good. I tried to get dressed up, to feel good about the day. My mum was brilliant, but I had to walk to the school, and as I was on my way I had that choking thing, had to spit, and it all got stuck in my hands and then trying to throw up. Then my bowels were giving it. get to the lou quick-I thought I was going to die on the toilet -it went on for ever.....then I met mum , she took me to the pictures -with the girls, It was fab. To story 2 in 3d. I loved it, but when I got out, I was on a real downer. I cant believe my dad, what hes done. Thats he even sanctioned a letter like that posted to me. I only see him 2xs or maybe 3xs a year. Now I dont know how I feel. I just feel hurt and useless. i wish I could just let it float by me. My stepdad has stated that he would NEVER have thought that of me, and what a lot of nonsense. It hurts that my own flesh and blood think what they do-hey hoo, ill get over it. I see my nurse next week , so was hoping to hold off seeing a doctor for a bit, not sure im going to make it. Ill just stick to fruit and veg over the weekend and see if it helps. Hope your all right madmouse. I get so scared about my body. I know its stronger than I think it is, but I also know that little things can make it go snap, bang your dead.Do you understand me?

Hi Bad Girl

Perhaps you could see your G.P or talk to the nurse about your stomach problems. It can't help the depression if you are worried about stomach aches. When i was really low in november and had some chest pain I started to think the worst, like i was going to have a heart attack and die. I think that has something to do with being low mood. It sounds like you had a good time at the pictures. Use this when you are feeling low as another positive. If you still have the letter, maybe you should take it outside and burn it, because well it is still around, you maybe tempted to keep reading it, making you upset again.

stick with it.

madmouse