Should I trust when I've been so hurt?

Posted , 4 users are following.

I wish some days I could turn back the clock, I am so worried about what I revealed to 2 'friends' last night. I am trying to move out to a bigger property in order to adopt as my child or the chance to have one was snatched from me when I was raped aged 25. I know this sounds odd to put on here but it's relevant because these 2 'friends' needed to know why I'd been rejected for adoption, so I said the main thing in my past had nothing to do with what they thought I'd been rejected for but I'd been raped twice and now I feel really worried as they know my mother and she didn't cope when this happened. I have felt really sad all night because of this as if my mother finds out about this I dread to think what may happen. I am just so untrustworthy of most people. What if anything can I do to regain trust at all? Even writing this is breaking my heart. Just feel a real idiot for letting it hurt me so much. Please help don't know what else to do.

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  • Posted

    Sam

    I could not place wen this attack happened, and if te two friends had anything to do wit the rape. I can however understand how your Mother and yourself must feel and that needs addressing with a course of treatment so you can talk out the attack

    Did you report the rape to the Police. This would seem to be an important thing to do.

    Are you married or not, can you have children or not and why do you feel unable to adopt after a rape ?? I cannot understand the reasons if this is so.

    Please talk to your GP regards your PTSD and if now still possible explain what happened to the Police, you need a facilitator to help you move on, your GP and Social Services may help you move on. You are not a bad person you need to understand the people who attacked you needs to be jailed

    BOB

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    • Posted

      Hi border river, I am struggling at the moment because I can't access my counsellor, I was really ill last week with my ibs and due to this my counselling is now cancelled. The person I speak to is a ptsd expert which is fortunate for me it's what I need! As for adopting I have been told I can't because of mental health issues ie the rapes I suffered I am unfit as a human being and woman to have any happiness and live happily. I have days when I just feel absolutely useless. My doctor thinks anti depressants are the only way to help but chemical treatments don't suit me. I have irritable bowel so anything else chemical will upset a broken system. Sorry I don't feel happy at the moment.

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    • Posted

      SamĀ 

      Sorry you are really going trough the Mill. If your Counsceller appointments have been cancelled I would ask the reasons why and your GP should explain to you the reasons why.

      You are still in need of treatment and understanding, that is what your GP is for

      BOB

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  • Posted

    Hi border river, my appointments were cancelled to allow my physical health to pick up, but my named doctor is useless at supporting what I'm trying to do as she will only offer me anti depressants which I don't want at all.  I need her to do something but non chemical, which is why I've spoken to other health outlets about ways to cope. I have written to my counselling service providers and the person who runs it is yet to contact me back.  There are things they can do, but it's now clear my doctor needs to support me, but without chemicals as in general my ibs won't cope with this and I don't usually suffer from depression as I've asked before, the depression I have is due to the ptsd and in my mind if I can get to these counselling sessions that really will help, but it's how I do it.  Let's see what my doctor says at my next face-to-face appointment in a couple of weeks time.  Sent to border river, damn computer!

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  • Posted

    Hello, Sam,

    I'm very sorry about your troubles, and that you had to become one more victim of the worst of human beings, a thing which, as you have found, destroys the ability to trust.

    It is natural that you feel that way. That which hurts or saddens us, we do our best to avoid in future, and part of that avoidance is in never trusting anyone again. I know that from experiences of my own. But does not trusting people to keep ourselves safe from further harm or unhappiness mean that no one can be trusted? No, it doesn't. Just as the existence of worthless rapists doesn't mean that all men are bad.

    So the thing to keep in mind is that it is wise and instinctive to distrust, but that good people do exist and might enter your life one day, and show by their behaviour over time that they can be trusted. Even then you would still be wary of believing in them, through fear of being proved wrong. But that wouldn't mean it's going to happen.

    Step by step a person can earn your trust through how they treat you, how they speak to you and so on. It isn't a matter of being able to turn on your trust of people again like a light-switch. It can't be. You've every reason not to trust people. Our brains are geared for that, for our safety and survival. But don't think it means you'll never find a fine person who will show you just how good some people are. There's every chance you will.

    Paul

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    • Posted

      You're right and it's taking a while for me to realise this, but that is because I have been so hurt in the past and forced to keep it hidden for over 20 years! I do trust some men because if I trusted none I wouldn't have got married. I am just very cautious.  But it goes deeper than that as I have had women who I have been let down by before I am now distrusting of some women too, that is why I test every female I come in contact with too, especially counsellors as I have had really bad experiences of the hospital fertility one who should by rights have been struck off.  What she said and did isn't worth repeating! Any way I will try to follow some of your advice. Thank you.

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