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Just wanting to vent really. I am new to this page and am looking for some advice if possible. Ive been battling with major depression for 6 years now after a major move, a miscarriage then a break-up. I have been swapping and changing my anti-depressants constantly to try and find one that doesnt turn me into either a zombie, someone who gives a sh*t about nothing, overweight, lazy, vague, unmotivated and terribly anti-social. I just want to be who I used to be, someone with heaps of friends, very strong work ethic, was house proud, energetic and had hopes and dreams. I constantly feel like I am living for nothing. I have no reason, no ambition, no hope!!!! I have one child who is 13 and I try so hard to hide all this from him but as he gets older the more he can see. I know I am not setting a very good example for him and I want to start caring about that. I love him dearly and I know he should be my reason for living but sometimes I just think he would be better off without me as a role model. Deep down I know this is not the case. Im not suicidal by any means but I just want to feel excited about life again. Am tired of seeing psychologists because they continuously tell me what I should be doing, which I am well aware of - but the anti depressants just kill everything emotionally and physically. Im nearly at the point where I cant work (I have lost the last 3 jobs Ive had for not being switched on enough). Previously I had NEVER EVER been fired or asked to leave. Im ashamed of myself and who I have become on these tablets. I tried reducing my dose of my current prescription and whilst I sort of sprang back to life physically, I became extremely over sensitive and had to increase my dose back again. Does anyone have any advice at all???
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