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Sick and Tired

Posted , 3 users are following.

jennx
jennx

Hi all,

Just wanting to vent really.  I am new to this page and am looking for some advice if possible.  Ive been battling with major depression for 6 years now after a major move, a miscarriage then a break-up.  I have been swapping and changing my anti-depressants constantly to try and find one that doesnt turn me into either a zombie, someone who gives a sh*t about nothing, overweight, lazy, vague, unmotivated and terribly anti-social.  I just want to be who I used to be, someone with heaps of friends, very strong work ethic, was house proud, energetic and had hopes and dreams.  I constantly feel like I am living for nothing.  I have no reason, no ambition, no hope!!!!  I have one child who is 13 and I try so hard to hide all this from him but as he gets older the more he can see.  I know I am not setting a very good example for him and I want to start caring about that.  I love him dearly and I know he should be my reason for living but sometimes I just think he would be better off without me as a role model.  Deep down I know this is not the case.  Im not suicidal by any means but I just want to feel excited about life again.  Am tired of seeing psychologists because they continuously tell me what I should be doing, which I am well aware of - but the anti depressants just kill everything emotionally and physically.  Im nearly at the point where I cant work (I have lost the last 3 jobs Ive had for not being switched on enough).  Previously I had NEVER EVER been fired or asked to leave.  Im ashamed of myself and who I have become on these tablets.  I tried reducing my dose of my current prescription and whilst I sort of sprang back to life physically, I became extremely over sensitive and had to increase my dose back again.  Does anyone have any advice at all??? 

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • johndiggle
    johndiggle jennx

    Posted

    Listen, while reading this i could feel that you are in a deep depression and all of what you said is depression. I know how you feel and i know how it can be. the first suggestion i would give is your child, your child is everything in your life right now and i know it. He does not need to know you are depressed but your child will by himself know how u are feeling and probably a single hug from him or a kiss would make you feel better, try mking activites with him and taking some days off work. Go out with your child or even better idea cook with him delicious stuff such as chocolatee and stuff that boost your mood and help you with your depression, chocolate is good for that.

    Keep in touch with some old friends, maybe even go out to a small party or by one another home for some fun and catching up memories which will bring you back to the good memories you had.

    I know it can feel wrong like u do not want to do anything nor go out but force yourself to do so and convince yourself this is how you will feel better, your child needs you and you need to keep your job for your child.

    Fight this off with all you've got do not keep thinking about it.

    • jennx
      jennx johndiggle

      Posted

      Thankyou for all your input.  I really appreciate it and it has made me remember how important my son is.  I have tried most of the suggestions you put forward but I have also given up on them too quickly.   I made a small change afew days ago and started taking my medication at night instead of first thing in the morning and it has made a bit of a difference.  The rest will be up to me now.  

      Thanks again hey smile

  • Tryingagain
    Tryingagain jennx

    Posted

    It's very difficult to have any motivation, Zest for life when you feel miserable pretty much most of the time. I know because I struggle daily with this black cloud! I do however force myself to go the the gym and exercise...go to work and try my best and if it's not good enough for the people at work well then they are rubbish people to work. The problem with depression is we are our own worst enemy and continuously put ourselves down but you know what...be yourself and have courage because you can be better. Set some small goals and do your utmost to achieve. Maybe don't try to reduce your meds yet until you are more stable in life. Hope this helps a bit. Take care of yourself 👌🏻
    • jennx
      jennx Tryingagain

      Posted

      Thankyou for your help hey.  I made a small change and started taking my medication at night instead of first thing in the morning and it has helped enough to give me the determination to keep trying.  Its what we are all best at hey (otherwise we wouldnt still be here).  Reading through all the discussions on this page has made me realise what an amazing group of people we ALL are smile
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