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Single mum who feels like ending it all

Posted , 12 users are following.

mum2angelalex
mum2angelalex

I have suffered with chronic depression for years now and have tried many medications.  I started on sertraline three weeks ago however I feel worse than ever.  My body feels like lead, my head stuffed with cotton wool and I feel totally numb and unable to feel the smallest pleasure in anything, all I want to do is sleep. I am desperately struggling on my own with two boys age 9 and 10 and I am completely isolated with no family at all, my boys father went missing over two years ago and I have no idea if he is dead or alive. I have been seeing a therapist and most weeks I am lucky if she gives me 20 minutes of the hour I am allocated, I was desperate when I saw her today and I told her I felt like going home and swallowing a bottle of pills and she replied that I am too low to engage in any therapy and to come back in a couple of weeks when the sertraline might have lifted my mood a little. I find that totally unacceptable, for weeks she has been telling me I simply need to engage in more physical activities to raise my motivation and that is literally the ONLY advice she has, she hasn't even asked me anything about my life and I have never received any counselling after the death of my baby boy in 2005. Should the sertraline have started to at least make a small difference after three weeks, and is it possible to feel worse in the first weeks of taking it? I have so much responsibility with my boys having no family and I don't know where to turn anymore I can't eat anything at all and I have lost frightening amounts of weight and even my hair has started falling out. Feeling utterly hopeless........

Sharon

0 likes, 23 replies

23 Replies

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  • nicola891
    nicola891 mum2angelalex

    Posted

    Hi there really sorry to hear that ur life has been so stressful. Yes the sertraline will take a few wks to kick in and sumtimes it can make u feel worst before u feel better. What about asking for help like respite from social work my mums a foster carer and helps out lots of mums needing help dont doubt urself x
    • celtics
      celtics nicola891

      Posted

      Good advice nicola she could also try samaritans to help her deal with her immediate feeling of helplessness !
  • celtics
    celtics mum2angelalex

    Posted

    Hi sharon sorry to hear you feeling so helpless please remember.you have your children to live for.! When i felt like.it wasnt worth going on my sister who has had mental health problems her self talked to me at length  and told me i would be missed by her she had never said this before and said i should when i feel so low i should remember that i have a wife and family who would miss me ! Ive had depression for as long as i can remember unfortunately 2 years ago i had a brain bleed which made it worse i at times i feel like crap as my short term memorys bad ! Sharon could you please tell me if your in scotland or england ! That way i can point you in the best direction to help you david
  • nick34171
    nick34171 mum2angelalex

    Posted

    Hi Sharon, just saw your post as all the posts from this group go into my inbox. Sorry to hear you are feeling low, have you been to the gp and asked to change your therapist? It sounds as if you don't gel with her. I have trouble talking to anybody really but someone mentioned the other day about 'grief counselling'. Maybe you could approach that with your dr. Do you have anybody you can trust to look after the boys to give you some respite every now and then? I see you said you don't have family but how about care workers or social workers? Surely they would be able to give you advice? All anti - depression drugs have side effects it's possible that the sertraline is not maybe the right drug for you. Somebody from here told me i should talk to my gp for what i suffer with and the meds, i'm glad i did even though i felt like just wanting to remain closed up. So i can only pass on that positively, you need a discussion with your gp. Try and eat something even if it's just soup otherwise you'll have no energy at all. Did you file a missing persons report with the police for your partner? Nick.
  • Dondons3
    Dondons3 mum2angelalex

    Posted

    hi, so sorry you feel so down, Im a single mum of 5 and have had those thoughts a couple of times but i have to carry on for their sake, the tablets can take a few weeks to have a positive effect and often do make you feel worse before you feel better, try to stick with them for a couple more weeks at least, then if you still feel they aren't helping then maybe go back to your gp and explain this and they should change them to another type which could be more beneficial to you, I tried a few different anti d's before settling with the mirtazapine that I'm on now. Your counsellor doesn't sound very helpful at all, maybe you could try to find someone different? 

    It's so hard being a single parent especially on top of the things you've had to deal with but try to have hope that things will get better x 

    Wishing you well 

    Donna xx

  • sarah12391
    sarah12391 mum2angelalex

    Posted

    Hello, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling worse rather than better at the moment. Unfortunately I cannot offer you advice on the medication as mine is slightly different but with the exact same symptoms as yourself. Along with understanding how you are feeling. I too am a mum of 2 children. Back in March this year I did exactly that tried to end it all. Went through hell for 1 month whereby could not see my children, didn't even know who I was or had children. Since then am still struggling  on new meds now, not sure if helping. Review next week. Having CBT again not sure if helping. All I am being told is that the severe depression I have and what I am going through takes time and I should not fight it. Doesn't help but have no choice. Guess what I am trying to say is you are not on your own. With this illness it appears just to be time or so I keep on being told. Take care x
  • linda83143l
    linda83143l mum2angelalex

    Posted

    I am so sorry to hear your plight.

    The counsellor should have contacted your GP.

    In my opinion she should be sacked!!!

    That is no way to treat anyone.

    Can you confide in your Dr it may be he needs to change your meds.

    Please do not give up, the forum will support you.

    Are you in the UK?

    There is an organisation called Borderline they are very good counsellors..

    Keep in touch, big hugs and love, Linda xxx

    • celtics
      celtics linda83143l

      Posted

      Linda ive read your reply and it was extremely.good  not only did you ask the right questions  but you showed you cared. Take care david  xx
  • krollette66
    krollette66 mum2angelalex

    Posted

    You are so not alone... When my children were young my husband walked out on me. I Was 8 months pregnant with my third child and felt totally alone. When I Was giving birth I did so alone.

    When Christmas came along everyone seemed to have everything and looked so happy and I felt like I had Let my kids and family down because I wasnt copeing  and my husband had a new Updated version of me.....a decade younger and a flashy car and career.

    One night after struggling with post natal Depression, money worries and feeling like I wouldnt be missed I planned  It all out.

    The one thing I hadnt accounted for Was my 4 year old Son walking up crying.

    I walked into His room and He pulled me down to His Level and hugged me.

    He feel asleep and I climbed In with him and  sobbed like never before.

    That Was Christmas 1988 and while I wouldnt say its been plain sailing since. I suffered a Still birth and recieved No counselling and for the second time my husband left us This time I sought help...I Was terrified Social Services would take my kids but they were understanding and offered me a listening ear them and my local Samaritans pulled me through.

    Your not alone you can Come out the other side of It. Just dont expect yourself to be Mother Earth No such woman 

    Just accept your having  a bad time and not feeling great Right now and We all have days like that. Be kind to yourself and take things one day at a time.

    My kids are all grown happy and healthy and are ages 20 and Over and I have my own Business.

    You are so worth a happy Life and things Will improve.

    You Just need a listening ear sweetheart

  • lor793
    lor793 mum2angelalex

    Posted

    Hi Sharon 

    I felt dreadful when I started taking my tablets it wasn't until 4-6 weeks I started to feel the full effects. I think the 'help' you've received is awful it sounds as though this woman has no care or compassion. Maybe it is best to request a different therapist? Keep strong remember you have two lovely boys who love and depend on you it's the people not in your life missing out you are stronger than you know be patient and although it is hard try to carry on and think of the positives . Sending love x

  • mum2angelalex
    mum2angelalex

    Posted

    Thank you everyone for your advice, it actually feels really weird connecting with other people who understand, I have been so isolated. I have a a little history with social services and they treated me appallingly, I felt like I was put in the stocks and pelted for being a bad mother, they never offered me any respite just forced me into parenting courses and told me to lighten up or lose my children - I really am not exaggerating. I had to pretend I was cured of my depression to get rid of them.  To David, I live in Staffordshire, England and a signpost to resources would be good, I joined the organisation Changes however being the only female in the group was a little uncomfortable, I don't mind talking to men at all but being the ONLY female was a little awkward. I know how you feel Donna about carrying on for the sake of your kids, I wouldn't be here otherwise but the responsibility is overwhelming at times isn't it? I asked my gp about another therapist but resources are slim to none in the nhs at the moment, I waited 8 months to see this one and I really am nothing to her but a name on a file, the last time I saw her she told me she was feeling ill and was going to head home straight after seeing me, not an insightful thing to say to someone who has used their last scrap of willpower to attend - I felt like a burden. She has obviously been in the business too long and has disassociated from her patients as she has zero empathy and interest, she told me to go to my local library and find a social group I could join, when I told her I could not do this she got annoyed and said she could'nt help me if I wouldn't co-operate. Actually, all of your responses has given me a feeling I am not used to.......a tiny bit of positivity? 

     xx

    • Dondons3
      Dondons3 mum2angelalex

      Posted

      God yes! It's so hard and I often put myself down as a parent but at the end of each day I know I've done the best I can, and they're beautiful happy children and I wouldn't know what I'd do without them let alone what they Would do without me, I feel like a failure at times but deep down I know I try my best and they All need and love me. 

      I too have had a bad experience with social services, although I didn't ask for the help, they were only in my life due to my ex (their dad) beating me up whilst the children were in the house, and they were awful to me, made me feel even more inadequit, I was glad when they finally closed my case, i feel now that I can't ask them for help and also feel I need to limit the things I disclose to my doctor and counsellor in fear of them getting involved again.

      There are always people on this site that can help or at least sympathise, and you're right it is a comfort to know you're not alone in how you feel.

      Every parent struggles, let alone a single parent and with having other things/horrible things to have to deal with too, so try not to put yourself down, no one wrote a book on it right? Nobody's the same, everyone handles things differently but we try our best right? So that's something to be proud of! 

      I'm glad you found a little comfort in speaking out

      Wishing you all the best xxx

      Donna x

    • hypercat
      hypercat mum2angelalex

      Posted

      Hi I feel so much for you. It must be very hard especially as a single parent.  I am full of admiration for how you cope.   I can't add anything to what has been said except stay with us here coz we all understand depression.   Even though it is only online you are not alone any more. 

      This is a good site and you will get all the support and help we can give you.  Isn't it amazing to find others to talk to?   So use us please.   Take care love.  x

    • medxrx
      medxrx mum2angelalex

      Posted

      Well hello there smile  I just had to say that to see you respond with "a tiny it of positivity" is music to all our ears I'm sure.

      Once again may be someone on in the forum could answer this question.  In Canada a licenced psychiatrist is usually covered by the government whereas, therapists are not.  I am going to put this out there because of some of the horrible things I've witnessed over the years working in clinics or - with patients dealing with depression and not feeling they were getting the assistance they had hoped for.

      First, personally I really believe that it is in anyone's best interest to see a licenced psychiatrist rather than a therapist - perhaps as they begin to feel better, a therapist would be better at that point.  If a patient sees a therapist that cannot prescribe any medications, then they are required to send the patient back to either their pg or a psychiatrist who can write a prescription.

      Here's the short version (and I'd be happy to give anyone detailed information if you would like).

      Psychology is the study of people: how we think, how we act, react and interact. Psychology is concerned with all aspects of behaviour and the thoughts, feelings and motivation underlying such behaviour.

      Psychotherapy involves the treatment of a client's mental health problems by talking with a psychiatrist, psychologist, licensed clinical social worker or other mental health provider. Psychotherapy is usually meant to help the client learn about their moods, feelings, thoughts and behaviors and how to better respond to life's challenges.  Psychotherapy may also be performed by practitioners with different qualifications, including psychiatry, psychology, social work.

      The practice of most psychiatrists in Ontario for example is focused on prescribing medications and consulting with family physicians, psychologists and other health professionals. Psychiatrist's tend to focus on the biological aspects of mental health while psychologists tend to focus on the cognitive, emotional and behavioural. Psychiatrists are licensed by the Government to prescribe medication as I mentioned. 

      If you think about it, they are better qualified especially in the initial stages of treatment because they also have the medical background and can assess, and determine what medication is best suitable for you. Sessions are covered by the government, here anyway - and yet, many opt to go the total opposite way.  I bring this point out for the simple fact that it appears one would rather pay for a session so they don't have to think to themselves that they are seeing a psychiatrist. They fear that they would be looked at as "crazy".  Another very big reason to educate people about depression and get the word out there anyway we can.

      Hope this helps.

      To you mum? Way to go!  You keep fighting the fight and get yourself better - and if you need someone to hold your hand or vent?  I'd say coming here to the forum seems to be a great place -  there's quite a few of us here that would be more than happy to help out wink  

      Sincerely with a smile, and big hugs coming your way, H.

  • UK-Ven-medicate
    UK-Ven-medicate mum2angelalex

    Posted

    A little shocked by Mental Health Counsellor, while she right the sertraline needs time, if  you had called your local crisis team or gone to A & E she might have has a bit of a problem and here actions would be investigated.

    I lost my wife because of my depression, and with that I now miss my kids loads, 

    And I have had my ups and downs. There are plenty of people on here that will support you and dont want you to do anything silly. Give the sertaline some time and keep us all posted on how each day is going and we will all help you thru.

    I have had so much support and help from people on here and I never get to meet them but I would call some of them really friends and people that care.

    Dont forget to keep in touch and we can all help you thru....xxxx

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