Slept :-)

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Oh dear I feel a little cheeky making this new thread as I am very aware that patient uk have a space for posting about zopiclone but it's you my friends that I want to share my experience with so my sincere apologies to admin for this.

Well I have to congratulate the doctor on his prescribing just the right medication for me.

I read up on the net about them and some places said they can take quite a while to start to kick in so I took mine at 8:30 wanting to be in bed and asleep no later than 10pm because that is the time I would normally go to bed when working - and the whole point of getting my sleep pattern back is to enable me to return to work.

Well by 9:30pm I was in bed with the whole of my body just feeling like jelly - my brain had no control what so ever over my arms, hands, fingers legs, feet - not even my head!

I didn't feel sleepy or drowsy - just extremely relaxed so relaxed I had grteat difficulty getting my arms or legs to do anything.

At that point (I'd tried to pick the remote for TV up off the floor and as I bent forward my head just flopped right down and was very heavy to get it back up) my daughter turned everything off for me (youngest one) turned my light out and pow! Gone! Me - not her - well I assume she would have gone too lol.

Woke once in night but I haven't got a clue what time as I couldn't be bothered to look at the clock, I just turned over and went straight back to sleep until 7am.

The downside - the most disgusting taste in my mouth and throat. It is still there now and oh yuk! Tried to drink glass of water this morning and it tasted like dirty washing up water YUK! and double YUK YUK

Thankfully my coffee taste ok.

The taste didn't stop me from sleeping which I thought it might because it really is disgusting. Looking back - I don't think anything would have stopped me from sleeping.

The good thing about these tablets is I won't be wanting to take them if I'm feeling anxious or depressed during the day - they don't space me out - they just make me go extremely floppy (relaxed with an OTT) I can't say I enjoyed that sensation at all - but when asleep you don't know so yes - these ones will be kept just for that purpose!

Oh I could hug that doctor.

Good thing is I don't feel hungover this morning - it took me a while to get out of bed when I woke up and was a bit of an effort to get to the kitchen for my coffee but once up and moving I feel fine.

Brain Zaps? Well they are nothing more now than a few light headed spells, they come and go but are bearable, I think Saturday - was it Saturday when I ended up throwing up because of them? Well that day was the worse and they had me in tears but since then they have become less frequent and certainly less severe.

Do you think it would be unethical of me to buy him a thank you gift?

Why oh why didnt I see him 7/8 weeks ago rather than some female nutter of a doctor who appears to give no regard to what the patient is saying to her.

Yes. I think after another nights sleep like last night - I'll be good and ready to sit down with this doctor tomorrow and go through everything that has happened to me over the last 12 months without breaking down into tears and exploding into an anxiety attack.

I'm a little concerned as to what he meant by long term treatment - but I'm going to put all my trust into this guy and try and let him guide me back to good health.

Whadda man!

Admin again my apologies for posting about zopiclone here, I beg that you leave it here for allthe people who have shared and supported me these last few weeks.

If you want to make a copy of it for the zopiclone threads then please do - but please leave it here too.

Here's hoping you all wake feeling good today.

Love & hugs

Melbi xxx

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Oh Melbi it's so good to hear you being so positive!! I'm jumping up and down here for you :D

    Well done on a good nights sleep - now be sensible and only take the med when you need to (I understand you will need to take it for a few days as you have months of sleep deprivation to catch up on).

    No, I don't think you should buy the Doctor a pressy. Perhaps in a few months give him a thank you card. I'm sure you'll thank him verbally and him seeing you trust him and get well will be all the thanks he will want.

    Please open up to him - tell him everything you've felt (and hidden from others) and everything you've done - self medicating and stopping Citalopram. He can't fully help you if you're not honest with him. Please don't be anxious about 'the long term treatment' - it's going to take awhile for you to get better and that could be all he meant.

    I also think that you are depressed so be prepared to discuss treatment with him. OK so the meds your were originally put on weren't good for you but there are others out there. I'm on Cipralex and haven't had the problems with it that you all seem to be having with Citalopram which, by the way, is cheaper than Cipralex.

    Good luck for tomorrow (and the rest of your life! :D ). Please report back here - don't you dare stop posting in this section.

    Hugest hugs imaginable!! :shock:

    Pamela

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  • Posted

    Good morning Pamela

    Hey! There is no chance that I will ever stop posting here! Not ever! I have found a great deal of support on this forum and can't thank PUK enough for providing such a service.

    Even if I ever did rid of depression and that is a huge if because I do think that once a depressive - always a depressive - I have learnt that over the years! I can go years without being depressed - I can have times I feel 'down' but that is NOT depression as many people will say: 'I feel depressed today'. Poppycock! They feel down, miserable, put out but not depressed.

    I am not being negative when I say once a depressive always a depressive. I truly believe everyone can learn to deal and cope with depression most of the time - with occasional bouts where they need the use of a drug and support. Recognising when those times are, is a part of learning to cope and eal with depression.

    I am not depressed - I might not be feeling 100% about myself and things at this moment in my life - but I'm not depressed - yes possibly bordering on a depressive trip, but I know that given some good nights sleep I will overcome it and have the strength to continue living my life without the use of anti depressants.

    I have suffered depressive spells from the age of 14 and as I told the doctor yesterday when he offered me some leaflets on depression, I could write a whole book of depression never mind a leaflet!

    He agreed with me - my records at the doctors must be bursting with medical notes of my past depressive states.

    What I finally achieved yesterday was seeing a doctor who respects me enough and read my notes carefully to know I can and will deal with this dreadful illness in my way - I will ask for the right help should or when I need it!

    I have never hidden the fact that I do suffer depression from time to time and during my medical for my last job (present job) I was asked if I would recognise the symptoms of depression returning to which I replied yes I would!

    The answer to that is yes I do and when I went to see a doctor about my problem of sleeping 7/8 weeks ago it was because I am very, very aware of what may happen to me if I don't get my sleep - it is a very rapid spiral downwards!

    I don't need anti depressants at this moment in time - I just need to getb my sleep pattern back to normal.

    If I'm positive today it is because I have finally achieved what I have been fighting for the last few weeks.

    To even think someone suffering depression could wake after one night of good sleep and no longer feel depressed is absurd!

    Depression goes so much deeper than that - so much deeper than feeling sad.

    Happy pills do not cure depression! They just give the person (hopefully) enough strength to cope with the illness and look for ways to get better themselves.

    LOL sorry you have got me going off on one now - rant over!

    Off to shower and visit my mum for the day.

    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    Good news Melbi! So pleased the Zopiclone worked for you. :D

    No one can function properly without sleep and when you feel at a low ebb anyway, it really is the last straw to be lying there night after night with your mind tormenting you.

    Have a great day today and, armed with another night of proper rest you'll hopefully be able to have a positive discussion with your doctor tomorow. Let him know your hopes and concerns and discuss how he can help you to get better. Don't leave until you're content you have the answers and the way forward you're looking for.

    Stay strong.

    Best regards

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  • Posted

    Good morning Stiltman

    I took your advice and ensured I was in a relaxed state prior to taking the tablet. Thank you for that :D

    I am probably feeling so good too knowing like you said, I will have anothergood sleep tonight - wait - he gave me enough for 14 good night sleeps lol.

    I'll be dancing around town full of energy in 2 weeks :roll:

    Thank you so much for your kind words and support.

    During my self obsessed state of think me, me, me all the time - I have been rude and not asked about your good self - I do apologise for my rudeness :oops:

    How are you doing Stiltman? Are things looking up for you?

    love and hugs

    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi melbi,im so glad the tablets worked for you last night.I hope you had a good day at your mums...

    kim.x

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  • Posted

    Hi Melbi. Glad to hear you so positive.

    Up and down with me. I have one or two good days, think I'm on the mend and then I'm in a pit again. I find it very hard to concentrate for any length of time and my attention span is almost non existant.

    Also, I'm not that good at taking my own advice and get furious with myself sometimes for not being able to snap out of this.

    I have forced myself to try and socialise throughout this, not to cut myself off from people. Everyone's reaction is pretty much the same - total surprise \"You, depressed, how can you be depressed you're far to tough/hard nosed/decisive/in control for that\".

    Actually, no I'm not, but I guess I've done a good job of hiding my insecurities over the years - I'd grown a hard shell which has now cracked!

    One thing I have learned from all of this though is that I am very fortunate to have the unconditional support of my wife, family and friends without which I think I would have gone under altogether.

    When I do get my head together, I think I need to reassess my whole life. Stop working 13 hour days. Make time for people and realise that work have managed without me since January so I'm not indispensible after all :shock:

    Take care of you and all good wishes for tomorrow.

    Best regards

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  • Posted

    [quote:77bd41d7c6=\"kimoli\"]Hi melbi,im so glad the tablets worked for you last night.I hope you had a good day at your mums...

    kim.x[/quote:77bd41d7c6]

    Hi Kim

    Well would you believe I actually did enjoy the day with my mum :shock: For months now I have just been so intolerant of her constant eh? eh? what? Or her going on about her aches and pains LOLOLOLOL

    Bless her!

    We had a good laugh and chat, I didn't get all 'worked up' with her for once. Must have been the nights sleep I had lolol.

    It was such a lovely sunny day we ended up going for a walk (she lives right on the edge of the countryside) It's beautiful - silly because I only live 5 minutes walk away but don't feel quite so close to the countryside as she is! Okay, we all know I'm weird!

    Anyway, came home and youngest daughter had put the pork joint in the oven so all I had to do was peel the carrots, chop the brocolli and wash the new potatoes. Then of course I had to cook it, serve it and oh! wash the pots after! :roll:

    Eldest daughter had asked if it would be okay for her to go out tonight with a couple of friends to which I agreed so this meant I had to bath the baby, feed her and put her to bed. Then make up 6 more bottles and change the steriliser. Loved every second of it really but Shhhh! :wink:

    Next I had to feed the cats, sort the litter tray and give one of the cats his medication because he has epilepsy. Washed his eyes and made sure he ate enough (he forgets what he is doing so needs constant prompting).

    Tidied the lounge - usual stuff - college bags, shoes, empty coke cans, empty glasses, crisp packets, bibs, socks etc etc

    Emptied the bins, tidied the bathroom - yep the usual stuff :roll: wet towels, make up, hair sprays, garments that a visitor really wouldn't want to set their eyes on should they need to pay a visit while visiting - not that I'm expecting a visitor or visitors but isn't it just so typical to think sod it this once - this once I'll leave it all un til the morning - next thing door bell rings and you have a visitor oh and of course rushing to tidy cushions and hide kids shoes etc you completely forget all about the garments those wonderful teenagers leave hanging around the bathroom until!! --- arghh!

    Your visitor asks if they can pay a visit to your loo! Sure it's just up the stairs across the landing first door on your left...... they take the first 3 steps of the stairs and panic!!!! No - the bathroom - oh what will they think? Too late :oops:

    So now, I'm all ready for any unexpected visitors - of course if you want to be guarnateed a quiet night with no visitors you have to make sure the house is spick and spam - no mess. By which time, you fall into a chair, look at the time and realise no one would call in at this time of the evening anyway!

    Today, for the first time since I can't remember when I have had some decent energy, I didn't start to feel sleepy or start yawning until about 2pm. Amazing! Incredible! Absolutely delightful!

    To even have enough energy to come home and do dinner not to mention see to the baby and the house has been sheer wonderment.

    I'm very tired now - but hey! Not bad off one nights sleep :P

    I won't be taking the tablet until later tonight - for obvious reasons - although my youngest daughter is old enough to care for her niece while her sister is out - I don't think it would be right of me to take it and go to sleep until I know she is home and we are all safe and well.

    This concerns me slightly as I have to be at the doctors for 10:30 in the morning. LOLOLOL listen to me - worried because I have to be somewhere for 10:30 in the morning - what ever happened to being up and out of the house for 7:30am.

    Anyway, trying to calculate from last evening - I took the tablet at 8:30pm went to sleep at 9:30pm and woke at 7am.

    Forget that lol daughter just come in chatting and lost count of calculations!

    LOL can you

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  • Posted

    Hi Stiltman

    You describe me so well ............. oh wait..................sorry you were describing yourself :oops:

    We are such a clever lot aren't we - we can cover up so well - appear one thing on the outside and something completely different on the in.

    I have always been the practical joker at work (how much of that is due to me hiding the real me and how much of it is because I love the lighter side of life I am not too sure. I can pull some pretty silly jokes both at work and at home - my family say I'm crazy! :nahnah: oh if only they really knew how close to the truth they are :weird:

    I'm good at dishing the advice, but like you I'm an hopeless case when trying to follow it for myself. Oh well - least we know what we should be doing LOL

    I was told at work a couple of months ago - well will be longer than that now - I've been off sick almost a couple of months now eeeeeeeeeeek! that is scary and doesnt bear thinking about :oops:

    Well anyway, I was told I had made myself invincible at work - yea? I haven't seen anything on the news that suggest my place of work has folded due to my absence lol.

    The thing that gets to me is this:

    We go to work - we get paid to do that! Work is the last thing we neglect despite any illnesses we may encounter yet we don't get paid to stay at home and be with our families - this we do because we want to - because we enjoy it and yet - it is our families that we 'neglect' the first - long before work!

    Okay, so bills and the like prevent us from neglecting work - we need that to keep what is closest to us - our families and loved ones - roof over our heads - food in our stomachs.

    It does stink though doesn't it because (for me anyway) I feel I have and am delaying my recovery because I worry too much about being off work.

    Well done you though for keeping up with the social side of your life - that is the first thing that goes when I'm like this. I tend to isolate myself from everyone and everything.

    Stay strong Stiltman - take comfort in knowing you have a very loving and caring family - give them all a huge hug and a big thank you for being there for you - not that you need me to tell you to do that anyway - but it is our families that quite often bear the brunt of our illness.

    I'll let you know how it goes at the doctors tomorrow. I'm certainly feeling much better and just hope I can convey that to him.

    Love and hugs

    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Melbi

    I can relate to so much of what you say. Do we use humour because we like the lighter side of life or just because we're scared of letting the mask slip and frightened of letting people see the vulnerability underneath? I've used humour and cynicism as a defence mechanism for years.

    I have pretty much stopped worrying about the work side of things. It will just have to wait until I feel better. I think I have to let my concerns about work go in order to recover. Does that make sense?

    At 23 I felt invincible. At 43 I know I'm not.

    sad

    Hope everything went well for you with the doctors this morning.

    Best regards

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  • Posted

    I think I pressed something completely wrong there then lol and my message got sent into cyber space - will probably end upon Gordon Brown's desk :shock:

    Stiltman may I please ask a personal question.

    You say you have had to let work go - may I ask how you cope financially because as much as I love my job - right now I don't think I'm strong enough to cope with the everyday stresses my job entail?

    My stress/anxiety and depression are not caused by my work - they are all family issues, but going to work is going to mean extra stress on top of what I am dealing with right now.

    I cannot see how I would cope financially if I were to resign.

    Melbi xxx

    Please don't feel you have to reply - or if you want you could reply via PM

    I won't be offended if you do not want to reply at all. x

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  • Posted

    Hi Melbi

    Probably didn't make myself clear. I've not quit my job, resigned or anything.

    What I meant was I've stopped fretting about when I'll be able to return to work. I will return when I am ready.

    My GP & counsellor have both told me that it has taken a long time for me to get into this pit so I must expect it to take time to clamber out. For me, not worrying about work is part of the acceptance and my road to recovery.

    I do, however, enjoy some pretty generous sick pay terms and am still being paid my full salary - some recompense for giving 26 years of my life to the same company - so the financial side at least is not an issue for me at the moment.

    From what you say, I do think you would benefit from a return to work on a phased basis rather than going straight back in in one hit to your full hours and duties. That would let you get used to the working environment and its stresses and strains gradually rather than having to confront the additional stress/anxiety head on. Your boss in conjuction with OH should be in a position to discuss and agree a rehab programme with you. It makes sense for all parties.

    Just my feeling - please don't think I'm preaching.

    Hope today finds you well rested, calm and positive.

    Best regards

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  • Posted

    Good morning Stiltman

    Yes, I'm sorry, I did misunderstand a previous post of your re: work.

    I think I have come to a point that I need to get back to work if I am to improve further.

    I've never done the staying at home thing too well - I always seem to start isolating myself and then feeling lonely and miserable.

    I think for me being at home gives me no real reason to get up in a morning and everyday becomes the same as the last with weekends just becoming yet another mundane day. That's me and that is probably why I end up exhausted and feel like everything is falling down on top of me.

    It must just take a lot to keep me motivated :roll: I am a restless person at the best of times and can have several different things going on at any one time - this, I feel, is something I need to address in the future so that I can learn how to relax, how to stop and not feel guilty, isolated or de movitated.

    Going back to work is really stressing me out - well not the going back to work - it's the interview that is really getting to me - I just wish it could have been sooner so I could get it out of the way.

    I'm also worried that once back I find that I am not coping - what then?

    Well I coped before, so I should be able to cope again.

    Like now, being at home it is so much of an effort to do anything, even the simplest of things like washing a few pots or making a slice of toast. It is just so much easier to close my door and stay in bed all day. :oops:

    Is this a part of my illness or recovery? Or would I always be like this if I didn't work? These last few weeks have made me realise there is so much that I don't know about me. Who is the real?

    Hopefully when I start my CBT on Tuesday I might start to understand myself more - who knows :roll:

    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Melbi.

    You sound in a bit of a \"Catch 22\" situation, wanting to go back to work and yet nervous at the prospect. I think these feelings are entirely natural when you have been out of the workplace for a while. Concerned at what might have changed and how you will fit back in to the day to day dynamic and wondering how people will react to/treat you. Fretting if you will be able to cope with the demands of your old role.

    All the more reason to take your return gradually. Voice your concerns to your boss and don't be frightened to ask for help if you need it. [b:82b3ec44b7]It isn't a sign of weakness, believe me.[/b:82b3ec44b7] Acept that some things may need to change or be changed to facilitate your return.

    I'm the one who always worked the extra hours, refused to ask for support, needed to prove I could cope and for what? The ones who were always complaining about their workloads were the ones out the door at five o'clock sharp and they're not the ones screwed up with depression now.

    Hopefully the CBT will, as you say, help you find yourself but ask yourself this one question:

    Do you expect more from yourself than you do from others? Are you kinder to others than you are to yourself?

    OK, two questions but I suspect the answer to both maybe yes and if so, why are you so tough with yourself?

    It's yes for me and I'm trying to work out why because I think it's part of my recovery.

    Be kind to yourself.

    Best regards as always

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