Slipped disc and sex

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can anyone else relate to this, I'm not sure what to do next.

ive had spinal surgery on l5 and s1,disectomey and spacer inserted all was okish but for the last year pain has been getting much worse, I've seen a consultant in London and I do need further surgery but have to lose as much weight as possible. The problem I have is my husband I cannot have sex as much as he wants it, every night he is expecting it and I just can't it causes so much pain it's uncomfortable and after I have to stretch my back for at least an hr to stop the pain. This is causing me to pull away from him the more he wants it the more I dont. What do I do. 

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  • Posted

    Really sorry to hear that you are having this problem.  I from the other way around have been in a similar problem only after talking my wife understood that it was difficult.

    This weekend my wife was out for drinks with her friends, I collected her at about 2 am and when we got home she wanted to make love. I ended up unable to get out of bed until Monday morning because I was in so much pain.

    as a man I feel embarrassed because I can not do it as often as she wants but it is a medical issue and your partner should understand that.

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  • Posted

    Hi Poppy

    I sympathise with you. I can understand how being in so much pain afterwards leaves you feeling distant and wanting to pull away. 

    My husband has similar problems with the same discs, he's currently awaiting his surgery. We have found that trying different positions that have him at his most comfortable are the way to go. It is about patience understanding and communication with your husband so he understands how it leaves you feeling.

    Talk to him and guide him in the most comfy position for you. Explain to him that sometimes it's not going to be possible because of how your back is. May be you can experiment and enjoy the play of different positions. It doest all have to be about penetrative Sex either does it.

    It's difficult for partners to understand the severity of back pain if they've never experienced it . themselves. Your husband sounds like he's being quite selfish for his own needs to be met, what about yours? Have the discussion with him see what develops. 

    I wish you well and hope you feel able to communicate how you feel so he'll be more sensitive in his approach. 

    Wonder how he would be if it was him and the situation was reversed? 

    Good luck.  Hope you can sort a solution between you both..

    best wishes

    purple Jane.

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  • Posted

    Thank you for your replies, I have spoken about the issue, however it has gone on deaf ears he has become suggestive during the day non stop talking about it, even asking for me to wear certain underwear. I now don't even want to touch him in case he thinks it's a come on . He now thinks I'm depressed and need help. He really dosnt understand the pain I suppose because I look normal,he says he forgets . Like you all say unless you know the pain and have suffered this awfull back pain how can they understand. 
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