So confused about relationship

Posted , 7 users are following.

So confused about my relationship.

I have been with this guy for 4 months. He is my first boyfriend and first everything. He is sooo lovely and treats me so well. He would do anything for me. He told me he loved me after 2 months. The problem is I don't and it freaked me when he said it. We went through a bad patch when my mum tried to commit suicide a few months ago and I couldn't handle having a boyfriend too. I let him back in because I really wanted it to work, but I am a very anxious person and am struggling with the whole thing. I don't know how I feel because when I'm with him I really care for him but when we are apart I just worry about everything and feel like I don't like him enough. I keep thinking maybe I'd be better off without him, but then I can't imagine being without him and it upsets me a lot. I'm really stuck and it's depressing me, I am in a pretty bad place anyway with my mum being really ill still and I don't like my job anymore. I just don't know what to do for the best and I really don't want to break his heart, but I feel like eventually I will. It just goes round and round in my head like torture. I keep thinking maybe it's just me who isn't capable or love at the moment, but then I think maybe we just aren't compatible coz sometimes I find him quite boring and we have a different sense of humour. I feel guilty when I'm with him sometimes because I know how much he loves me and I don't feel the same and might never do. And because he is my first I don't have anything to compare it to, to know if how I feel is normal or if I would feel different with someone else. Please could someone advise me??

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Wow! This must be really tough for you. This guy sounds like he really cares for you! There are not a lot of people out there who are like him. And if they do act like him they usually pretend just to get one thing. I've been there 🙄 Although im still a virgin. But enough about me !

    I feel like even though you say you're not in love with him, its obvious that you care for him in SOME way! If you really didnt care for him you wouldnt care about how he felt and would just leave, in all honesty. Maybe try to stay friends? And when you mentioned suicide i got very sad because that must have been a very emotional experience for you sad i had a friend who was suicidal so i can have a bit of empathy for you. You should go for some counseling! They could help you with problems like this. I have sever health anxiety over my heart, thinking that i will drop dead at any moment... I had lots of tests done and everything came back "perfect" according to the doctors. If you have any questions just reply! I'll try to help as much as i can..

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    • Posted

      I forgot to mention that the counseling helped me with my anxiety.. Although its still kind of there ... It reduced it by like 98%.. Im not trying to say you never cared for him btw.. But thats something that happens a lot these days unfortunately.
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  • Posted

    Las,

    It is a good thing that you are looking for answers. I am sorry about this whole situation and your mom's illness.

    You said you feel anxiety and depression with some obsessive thoughts and worry. You have stopped enjoying things including your job. With extreme stressors like the situation with your mom it makes sense you would be having a reaction.

    I am going through a similar situation with my ex girlfriend now from the other side. She had work stress very badly and stopped liking it and started having many stress reactions with depression symptoms. She had been diagnosed with anxiety before but hasn't been getting treatment. For months she loved me , baby names, discussion of buying a house together, sharing family events and then in the span of two days she says she just doesn't love me and that my presence stresses her. I am confused and hope she gets help.

    I know your situation is different and you said that you said you weren't sure on your feelings with him regarding whether you loved him to begin with. But I encourage you to talk with a professional or see a GP. It is is so exhausting to have so much worry and stress and no one deserves it. I hope you see a professional and can gain some help. Even if it isn't for your BF you will in whole feel better and possibly not replicate the relationship in your future.

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  • Posted

    If you're not sure about your feelings, don't string him along any further. It's not fair to either of you.

    You only get one mom, so she should take priority over everything, especially a guy you've only been with for 4 months.

    I certainly don't mean to sound harsh at all. I just want you to remember that a boyfriend can be replaced, a parent can't.

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  • Posted

    To be very honest, it sounds like you are using this boy, and being quite unfair.  If you dont feel the same way - say so and move on, dont string him along.  You seem to want everything on your own terms, thats not how a relationship works.  You either feel the same or you dont, if you dont you are being cruel by stringing him along
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  • Posted

    Young love even in my time was always so complex, we would look on relationships as been frightened if we would get no-one else and would look at ways to make things work even when these first relationships were going to fail. We would go over and over the problems we had with this partner.

    If you feel it is not going to work you need to let this person go, even though He has the attributes that you love about him.

    Most of the population is boring and life is full of routine, could it be your disatisfaction with your work is causing you to question your life in general, if this is the case look around for that dream job while you still attend the job you are doing now. Sometimes when we are young and get our first job we have mixed confused ideas of what we are going to expect what working is about and boredom will set in. All I can suggest is either do above or stay at the job for a while longer as sometimes whatever you do in work environment you will be the tip of a dogs tail and be expected to do all menial tasks, this will change when some new juniour takes your place as you move up the ladder ?

    When your Mother tried to end her life this would have put many doubts in your mind and would confuse your feelings of a person who has always possibly been there for you. I do not know why she did what she did although the doubts you have with your boyfriend could be coloured by the situation with your possible family unit. If this is the case talk to Your Man about your concerns. You may just need time for things to work out to remove the doubts of you family problems.

    We all have problems with our first relationships, if it is only boring you will most probably get closer as time goes by. Men cannot all want to climb Everest or have a dynamic nature, life would be very boring if we all were so dynamic.

    This fellah seems to think the world about you and is very attentive, try sorting out that family crisis and then so how you go. If you feel seeing Relate may help arrange an appointment with your boyfriends agreement and see if you can work it out

    You are both very young, two months is not very long and life is a dam site longer 

    It is all up to you, no-one can really advise here

    Good Luck with whatever you decide

    BOB

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    It sounds like your not compatible. If u think he's boring sometimes then perhaps he's not for you.

    You're young and should experience different types of boyfriend to know what it is you like . It may hurt him but it will make him stronger and he must accept it.

    Sounds like ur priority is ur mum at the mo.

    This is just my opinion there may be other views on this.

    Phil

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