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So down

Posted , 7 users are following.

AbbyJ
AbbyJ

I have long term depression and I have been barely functioning for years but getting through. I've held down a job for 2.5 years but fired yesterday now non functional. I have been on Citalopram for 5 years not working but GP not responsive to changing it. Today while breaking down at doctor she switched me to Prozac. I can barely move or breathe. I have 4 kids, my husband had to leave for work today so I'm alone. I don't want to hurt myself but I also don't want to be awake. I wish they'd checked me in today so I could get good drugs and sleep. I can't stand the minutes taking hours and I can't sleep. I'm so embarrassed and feel like a failure and love I've wrecked my kids lives. My work wants me to come in on Monday because of the gross misconduct as an investigative interview. How will I do that? I have no idea how I'll get to Monday even.

2 likes, 34 replies

34 Replies

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  • reemus63571
    reemus63571 AbbyJ

    Posted

    abs,after talking to you last night well early morning I thought I'll just come come to check on you and see how you are?you see how many have replied back to your comment?how many have given time out?no need for them to commnt but it shows that kind hearted people still excist!,abs you'll be alright and will make it out of this dark hole with the rest of us and into the light soon.x
    • AbbyJ
      AbbyJ reemus63571

      Posted

      I'm so glad I found this place.

      I'm so glad there are people that understand.

    • jenny99721
      jenny99721 reemus63571

      Posted

      Hi R - hope you ok -I can see that your spirits have lifted a bit. this is great take care J
    • reemus63571
      reemus63571 jenny99721

      Posted

      jen,it's lifted slightly and that's due to you and others who have taken time out for me.luv u x reemus
  • AbbyJ
    AbbyJ

    Posted

    I do think I need to go to get these heavy feelings lifted. I feel I need to have something written to clear my head and allow me to articulate. Mostly to help with getting another job by explaining some things about my health?

    Also, I haven't signed anything for termination so I'm thinking about turning in resignation and hoping for the best?

  • jenny99721
    jenny99721 AbbyJ

    Posted

    Abby - u know deep down what the best course of action is for  u ultimately. Think writing things down does give a bit of clarity and also can steer the mind away from all the bad thinking, at least for a while. Just take care of those extreme thoughts and get help if they get worse ok J
  • AbbyJ
    AbbyJ

    Posted

    When things get bad I feel sick to my stomach. I can't eat. Breathing is easier than yesterday but I can't move much or get winded. Anyone else get this way?
  • AbbyJ
    AbbyJ

    Posted

    It's really bad again today.

    My kids aren't getting along and I blame myself. My depression is causing them distress I'm sure.

    My chest hurts, I can't breathe again. I just don't know how to get through the next weeks until my new meds start working.

    I'm scared and sad and I feel like I'm going mad.

  • stevo1975
    stevo1975 AbbyJ

    Posted

    Hi Abbyj,

    First you need to tell employer you are very unwell and require medical help they can put this into perspective with your behaviour! Get Help now not later does your husbend know whats happening? go to another doctor and get second opinion maye the meds you have been diagnosed are not right for you? the biggest thing though is believe in yourself this will ease it always does remember I've been as low as one can get but i managed to get out of the black hole so you can too (it wont be easy) but you are so strong that I know you can do it! get the help you need !!! 

  • AbbyJ
    AbbyJ

    Posted

    Anyone around?

    I'm bad off.

    I didn't deserve life. I don't even deserve sips of water.

    • xarjia
      xarjia AbbyJ

      Posted

      Hey hun . Just remember these negative thoughts are making you feel low. You deserve a lot. X
    • stevo1975
      stevo1975 AbbyJ

      Posted

      AbbyJ, take things slow! Distract your mind from these bad signals your mind is getting, Its just the low serontonin levels making you think this way dont trust the thoughts. Practise deep breathing and keep faith I know you will be ok however you need to make sure you can stay positive and believe you'll be ok once meds get into your system.
    • AbbyJ
      AbbyJ stevo1975

      Posted

      How long does it take? To make things worse I feel I'm in a constant fight or flight like a panic attack. I can't feel my arms or legs, I can't catch my breath, my heart is racing. All that and I can barely move and my bad thoughts are racing.

      My kids should hate me. I'm awful and disgusting.

    • stevo1975
      stevo1975 AbbyJ

      Posted

      Sorry Abby I cant say how long doll but you are fighting well!! You kids love you your family love you remember that !!! If things get really unbearable go see a doc what dosage has the doc put you on? I had really bad anxiety at first also the meds caused a paradox effect at first while they settled in but now months later I'm find so too will you be its just gettying the balance right hang in Abby I know its hard but you are doing real good xx 
    • AbbyJ
      AbbyJ stevo1975

      Posted

      Today is bad.

      40mg Prozac.

      Anxiety and deep depression.

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