So.... Lets talk about sex....

Posted , 6 users are following.

Ok, now I'm feeling a bit better (almost 8 weeks post SSF, Anterior, Posterior repair) am starting to freak out a little bit about having sex.  I'm single but dating, but not having sex yet.  Am a little worried about how to broach the subject with a new partner.  I have a few questions.

- I'm guessing it will feel different..but how?

-Will it hurt?  How do I explain that to a new partner (being a mum of two!!)

-What about 'going solo', when is that allowed?

 

Any advice much appreciated!

K x 

 

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    I am 62 and also single with a boyfriend. This group had quite the conversation a couple months ago about this. It has been suggested to purchase a 1" dildo. Online makes it easy. This is what I did. It did help to relieve any apprehension. I must say I was nervous. I am 4 mos post op and still have a little tenderness at first, but gets better soon. Use lots of lubricant, lots!

    I did try the dildo solo a few times. Then the boyfriend tried it. Eventually you come around and its comes back. Sorry for TMI but it needs to be said!

    Good luck!

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  • Posted

    Hi, great post but I dont expect you will get many replies. I didn't when I discussed this and subject of how op can affect our body image. I am now 7 wks and following my spec advice re recommencing sex. In his words and i did Lol, get yourself a small dilo and slowly stretch yourself working up to one of big ones, if you can fit these comfortably then you should b able to accommodate any size penis!! It should smart , burn bit if pain when you first use dilo but not constant. If constant wait another week and try again. He recommended massaging perineum with vit e oil twice daily and use coconut oil as natural lubricant. Tried dilo just once it did really hurt so waiting another week. Will keep you posted with progress. Hope you keep posting too and good luck. Ps don't look..wish I hadn't my whole confidence as a woman is shot. Feels so ugly but that is just me personally, been through lot of trauma down there was hoping be so much better after op as spec was going to fix it up. Dont know about you but just want to feel like a woman again. Healing hugs xx
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  • Posted

    Thank you both for replying - I was surprised I didn't get any responses at all, this forum is usually very supportive!  Its a real worry for me being a divorced single mum.  Ive been divorced for 6 years and only had one brief relationship last summer, which ended for a number of reasons, and one being that our sex life died a death, and I internalised this for being because of 'the way I was' - he saw my cervix once and once told me he couldn't really feel anything! This is one of the reasons I eventually plucked up the courage to see a gyno who then told me I had Stage 2 prolapse, anterior, posterior and uterine.  I've had the repairs and SSF but haven't ventured down there to check how it 'feels'  One of my concerns is that I may still be on the large size, and another is maybe I'm too small and how do I explain why sex may hurt to a new partner?!   I have never been one to use dildos solo - but I suppose I may have to try, even it is just to relieve concerns. 

    Thank you for replying and I shall take your advice!

    K x 

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    • Posted

      I was one that responded. No I had NEVER used a dildo. I mentioned a 1" dildo. Hope you know that's diameter not length. Haha 😁

      I ordered online so as not to be embarrassed going to an adult novelty store. It definitely will help. Just move up on size from there.

      My boyfriend of 4 years told me I felt great. Like a virgin again. I just laughed. I'm 62 and had 4 kids. He did one time ask me what that bulge was before surgery. Now that was embarrassing. I had a full hysterectomy, vaginal suspension and rectocele surgery. I have a tinge of pain on entry but goes away quickly. I'm 4 mos post op. Each week gets better.

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  • Posted

    Hi KJ, I think it all depends on how we recover from this type of surgery.I only had a rectocele repair,even though I did have a cystocele too but the surgeon didn't think it needed to be repaired at the time.I also had a very short perineum and sadly my op shortened this even futher which has made me extremely tight down there,talk about being a born again virgin....but joking aside it isn't funny.I am now 16 months post op and still have to take it very easy and slowly with masses of lube but it does improve with time.I tried solo too but even that hurt.Not sure about explaining to a new partner but if he's a good un,he'll understtnd and have patience Good luck and hope you get back in the saddle real soon..Hugs x
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    • Posted

      Couldn't help but notice your reply as I too have a very short perinuem which was made unbelievable shorter, thinner and tighter with operation. I also had both walls prolapsing but my surgeon too decided my cystocelle wasn't bad enough to warrant surgery. I am so concerned that the scar will tear right open with any activity at all. Your post is so reassuring to me as you obviously didn't.thanks for sharing. PossiblyvTMI sharing but does your cystocele nnoticable during sex, can your patner feel it? My specialst put me on ostrogren cream and even getting that past slightly collapsed vagina wall is really noticeable to me. I am 7 weeks post op even more nervous about resumming sex now but so thankful you shared, it couldn't have been easy. Big hugs
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    • Posted

      7 weeks post op is still very early days Tilley.These ops take an awful lot longer to recover from than we are led to believe.No my cystocele isn't noticeable during sex and although it got worse last year after having the flu and developing a really bad cough.I have made sure I keep doing pelvic floor exercises to try to lessen the prolapse. I was fitted with 2 pessaries,both of which fell out,so am trying to live with this,as I'd rather not have another operation but if it comes to the stage where I have to,I will.I'm on oestrogen cream too but only use it about once or twice a week as I found when I was on it for months at a time,I piled on weight,which I'm still Never a case of TMI,I think once you have been through what we have,there is nothing that can't be discussed with someone who knows exactly what you are going through. Take care and try not to stress too much,it will get better xx
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