So many meds, so much therapy and depression and suicidal ideation

Posted , 6 users are following.

I'm 35 and I have been depressed and anxious since adolescence. I have been on so many meds and have had so much therapy. The darkness just keeps coming back. I have had very few periods of actual happiness. I'm not sure if I know what happiness is.

I am male, in a very strong relationship,have good friends, close family and a good job.

I have been feeling tearful and have increasing thoughts of suicide

I am currently taking 600mg of pregablin, 150mg of venlafaxine, 30mg of mirtazapine and 50mg of quetiapine.

Can anybody else relate to this. I'm a solution focused guy so I would like to know your experience and how you coped

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  • Posted

    Yeah it's not unlike what I've been experiencing since early puberty. I'm 24 at the moment and while I have occasional moments of feeling alright I'm not doing so well most of the time. I'm on nowhere as many meds as you though!

    For me lately my therapies have been more focused on dealing with the worst ideas, allowing myself to feel happy and learning how to take good care of myself and I've realised that being around people too much gives me stress.

    My psych and I also decided to look at my actual diagnose. Sometimes even the wrong treatment based on the wrong diagnose can make you feel worse and sometimes being on the wrong meds can do too. I'm currently on a medication regiment that does well for me. Before I've had had meds that made me feel worse.

    For me, I've been fortunate in a way that I had a rather bad accident last year, almost losing my foot. It helped me a lot in the sense of breaking through my old thought patterns and putting myself first while. I had a long standing habit of feeling like I should be someone else in order for them to like me and that was my main source of anxiety. Also that sometimes I need a few days to myself, and that it is OK no not function like everyone else oreturn even the way you'd like to function.

    I've stopped fighting myself in that way. I too take quetiapine which helps me a lot but it's always a matter of finding balance.

    But for me, working on self esteem and lowing expectations in myself has helped huge.

    I am sorry you feel this way but know that you're not alone.


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    • Posted

      Thank you Nate. I need to look at some of those issues. It has been a long time since my diagnosis was looked at. I will need to revisit this with my psychiatrist.

      Thank you for taking the time to respond and giving me some useful advice.

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  • Posted

    My story is similar to yours, the difference is I don't use meds - ever. For me they just don't work, and they don't resolve issues. Therapy works for me, but not short term stints, if I'm in it longer term then I do seem to get some help. On the nhs it's not easy to get longer term therapy,but it is possible. If the meds arent giving you relief, then don't take them, you'd be surprised, you may do better without them

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  • Posted

    Gosh, I can so relate. When you feel suicidal, get on the phone with a professional or a close family member, get out of the box of thinking of suicide because it it seems to gain momentum the more you think of it. I know, I've done this at least 4 times.

    I'll usually let a family member know how i'm feeling. The feeling subsides. The grip is usually lessened.

    I give you great kudos for keeping a good job!! I get so depressed and can't keep one.

    You are very, very strong and you can always reach out to others. Your loved ones will always want to help. Keep a phone number handy to someone who will talk or suicide prevention "just in case". Sending God's love , peace and protection. God loves you.

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  • Posted


    Learn to not be the center of the world.

    Help others.

    Learn to be alone.

    Mentalize good things.

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  • Posted

    That is a lot of meds! Maybe they are making you feel worse! I think you need a psychiatrist or maybe you have one already, but I would think that is to much medication! Please talk to someone regarding your suicidal thinking!


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  • Posted

    Thank you all for your suggestions. I do see a phychiatrist and have been concerned about my meds for a while.
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