So Scared of Being/Getting Sick. Freaking Out

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I'm gonna try to condense this as much as possible, but also wanna make sure I get everything. (To start, I am a 19 year old female).

So it all started about 4 months ago in December (I was just finishing up my first, very stressful, semester of college). Now before then, in September, I was feeling dizzy so I went to the health services at my school and first was told it was vertigo, and then I asked if it could be stress related (a friend of mine had just passed away suddenly and tragically about 2 weeks prior), so the doctor said it was stress and told me I have anxiety. Anyway, that eventually went away and I was okay. Then December came. It was around finals so I was stressed and spent long hours writing and reading in the library. I started getting these headaches (I got headaches pretty often since I can remember) but they were more pressure than pain. Also my neck was stiff and felt tight. I made the HUGE mistake of googling my symptoms and Dr. Google told me it's a brain tumor. Still scares me because I still have the pains/pressure in my head (sometimes one sided, sometimes in random spots) and I have neck pain. (Usually when I press on a certain spot on my neck where it hurts, the pressure in my head goes away). My parents told me its just stress and probably some eye strain. While I was home for winter break I went to the doctor and she told me it's tension and stress and she felt a spasm in my neck which was probably the cause. I was still not convinced, but my parents refused to take me for an MRI because they don't think I need it. Dr recommended a neck x-ray just to check so I had that done and it came back normal. 

Then right before I went back to school I went for a routine eye test to see if my prescription changed, but I did not go to my normal eye doctor because I couldn't get in with her so I went somewhere else. I've read that a brain tumor can usually be picked up in a routine eye exam, which gave me some relief but I still worry.

Then last night I had a very little bit of alcohol (less than a filled-up shot glass - it was whiskey) and an hour or so later I felt very nauseous. Didn't sleep very well last night and early this morning I felt like I had a flu or food poisoning or something. Aches, felt like I had a fever, nausea, cold. Of course I had to look stuff up and it seemed that most of my symptoms were associated with a hangover, but I'm not sure how I could have had a hangover from so little alcohol. My dad said it could have been something I ate. Not really sure what caused it. Nausea has gone away, but I still feel a bit achy. For whatever reason, it got me worried about bone cancer (won't go all into it - I have a slightly sore spot on my left forearm and 2 small very slightly discolored dots but don't remember hitting it for the dots to be bruises). 

Over the past few months, I have had a dream that I have a brain tumor and I feel like I hear or see something cancer related at least once a day and I take it all to be signs telling me that something's wrong. I even downloaded a fortune/horriscope app that told me my fortune today and it said something like my career plans will get delayed, they're still on track but will just take longer than expected (I leave school on Thursday and I am transferring to a commuter school in the fall). I felt sick after reading that. Also, today on Facebook I saw an article of a young woman who had shoulder pain that turned out to be melanoma and she died. Just the whole idea of getting sick or thinking that you're fine and them boom you're dead scares me more than I can even begin to say.

Forgot to mention that when I would go home for the weekends my head and neck would feel better. I would barely notice it or it wouldn't bother me at all and I feel fine. I wanna talk to my parents about it but they will just tell me I'm overreacting and I'm fine.

The more rational part of me feels that this all really is just stress and anxiety from being away at school, losing my friend (he was 18 and shot himself in the head), and I've also lost my Grandma to pancreatic cancer and my Uncle to a heart attack, so I feel that this all could just be my body's way of processing everything (delayed reaction for my grandma and uncle as they have been gone a few years), but then the other part of me is really scared and feels that there is actually something wrong. I really can't take feeling this way anymore. I'm only 19 and want my life back. 

Does anyone have any advise? I'm basically desperate. 

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  • Posted

    Hey Cara , I can relate to your story , I myself have been dealing with anxiety for quite sometime now and this last time it came , it came with a vengeance and has been haunting me for the past 6 months straight with little to no breaks in between, I started out with the whole "fake heart attack" symptoms that sent me to the emergency room over 7 times , ( heart palos, choking sensation, numbness , tingling in hands, feet, face , tightness in chest ) that all lasted for about a couple of months then it went on to be extreme tension in my neck and shoulders and headaches near my temples that would move around to other parts of my head , tingling and burning scalp sensations , soreness in my head and scalp , tight band around my head feeling all of that and that's what's still going on with me up until today I'm still struggling with it all , I've had numerous test done , I've had over 6 ekgs for my heart all normal, I've had a MRI of my brain, head , and neck , all normal , I've seen two different eye doctors , 20/20 vision and normal and I've seen a endocrinologist and those test were normal , but I'm still convinced after all of that , that I have bleeding in the brain or a tumor is developing or something is seriously wrong in my head . so trust me I feel your pain and what you are going through anxiety is crazy how it does all these physical things to you and makes you think the end is near .

    Hope you feel better , feel free to ask me any question I'm here 😊

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  • Posted

    Hey there, sorry to here this, it must be hard.

    Do you have a therapist or a counsellor or someone who is trained to help?

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