Posted , 5 users are following.
God I know I'm being so rubbish at replying to others in this forum at the moment (yet another thing I feel guilty about)... But I just can't shake this low period off.
Everything is weighing on me, I'm obsessed about every little thing, angry, crying, irritable. I just can't seem to get a grip.
I try so hard every day to employ coping strategies. I try and find time for myself, I try and try and this "round" of depression has just been kicking me when I'm down.. Constantly.
I just seem to cry and drink and get angry.
I have to care for my partner so I do that almost on auto-pilot. Then it comes to myself and I'm just all out of energy.
I can't be bothered to shower, to do my hair, paint my nails (all little things I've enjoyed doing all my life).
I just get up, see that my man is bathed/fed/medicated then all I want to do is lie down and sleep.
But I don't sleep. I lie and think. I try and think myself out of this mess.
Then I think about tomorrow and how much time I will spend doing certain things, then I change this into a percentage, then I adapt those percentages into numbers I feel comfortable with (currently multiples/factors of 4 (?)). Then I add them all up and if they don't make 100 I have to go back and alter them.
I spend more time thinking about and writing lists than I actually spend doing those things on my lists.
What the hell is wrong with me?!
I have gotten really bad since my psychology appts ended, I have to go back on waiting list so won't be seeing anyone again until next year.
I feel so lonely and so lost and so redundant.
I don't know what to do.
I'm so sorry xxxx
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