So Very Complicated!

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My ex and I have the most complicated friendship. He recently came back after shutting down for six months straight. About three weeks ago we reconnected and have been enjoying our new found connection, however,  he’s recently started behaving in his shut down mode. About a week ago, he shared that he needed a large sum of money to take care of some major necessities and I acknowledged his needs and want to help, but it’s hard. He hasn’t been returning calls and he’s been very limited on texting. I want him to be happy, but I’m only one person and I don’t believe he really understands this. I know that his illness can be a big factor with his behavior, but I know I deserve better treatment than what I’ve been getting. Can anyone help me to have a better understanding of what I may be experiencing?

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    I have the same issues... And it hurts so very bad
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    • Posted

      Greetings,

      Should I feel this way or am I just being overly sensitive? I want to continue to be there for him and love him no matter what, but does a sufferer really understand the magnitude of their actions towards a loved one? He does at least let me know he’s ok by text, but it’s so cold to not hear from him.

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    • Posted

      Read more your post . Seems your still holding on for hope with this man who is married and has mental illness. Seems he’s bringing you down with him time and time again. Honestly I would let him go and move on and cut ties. Especially if he’s married . Yes will hurt as you will worry due to his ptsd but I would let it go and move forward in life. 
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    • Posted

      Sorry if I sound harash but almost seems as he’s keeping your around for back up plan and convince. Personally as a lady i wouldn’t stand for it. I would put my foot down and move on . Break ties . Ptsd or not he married another person that wasn’t you and he is an ex for a reason. He made his own choices and you can’t blame that all on his mental illness. What to say he’s not stringing you and his wife along . Having his cake and eating it to because he can? Your judging his wife off of what he says but have you personally met her as person and heard her side of it all? She could be hurting just as bad as you . As if he has keep friendship private it shouldn’t be happening that’s betrayal on both sides. I would have self worth and tell him your done as you can’t be strung along further because at end of the day seems your going to hurt more and if his wife was as bad as he says he probably wouldn’t still be in the same home with her and or married to her . 
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  • Posted

    Honestly you say your ex ? Why is he your ex? Also is he involved with someone else ? I understand being concerned for an ex and their well being but seems he’s an ex for reason. May be over stepping your boundaries in this. If he’s ghosting you and shutting down there is a reason for it . Maybe he’s met someone new? 
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    • Posted

      Greetings,

      That’s the reason I call him an ex is because he may be seeing someone else and I’m not going to be misused again by him. What you may not be aware of is that he is very giving and loving still to this day, but I’m also aware of him possibly being someone creating an illusion for my sake. Please understand that not everyone who suffers is about being a conniving individual. The illness truly can dictate negative behaviors with some sufferers. A supporter truly has to be a special person who understands and can be supportive without prejudice. So my hat’s off to all supporters who can look past some of the negative characteristics.

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    • Posted

      Oh yes I get it and completely agree . But ptsd does truly cause distructive behaviors from our loved ones it seems they mask themselves to new people and ones who truly know them they ignore for long periods just to feel normal in the eyes of someone else . To feel normal even tho they aren’t. So trust me I get it and it’s hard let go of someone when we know the person they truly are inside and how caring they can be and them better than themselves . It’s definitely a rollaer coaster ride all around. By asking those questions above I was asking for more understanding of the situation and how it sounded like he was with someone else . I am glad you are taking a stand  on it for yourself as we sometimes lose ourselves trying help our loved ones through this hard time.  They hurt so many along the way sadly and it’s not the fault of their own but trauma that causes them to be so confused and detached from us who love them. Sorry if I came off as stand offish with what I said . Just hate seeing people hurt and them falling into the arms of another because the others don’t know their struggles . It’s easier for them to mask themselves to others who don’t know them so they can feel bit normal again. Until emotions get real and their true struggles show through then they run. 
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    • Posted

      Greeting Michelle,

      I do understand what you meant by them masking and becoming someone else for someone else. My ex explained all of that to me which makes me feel a little better with him. He tells me everything about his back story and why and how he developed ptsd. All I can do is try and be there for him without judgement because that could also lend to his not being able to cope. I’m well of aware of the symptoms and characteristics of a sufferer, so that’s why I am able to be available when needed. If he weren’t truthful and transparent, then I would definitely have walked away, but I know what he shares with me is truthful because I’ve either read about it or I’ve experienced it with him in the past. He has taken me on several rollercoaster rides and it hasn’t been fun, but I’m seeing so much more progress since then. 

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