So worried about my 20 year olds sons depression.

Posted , 8 users are following.

About 2 years ago my son was diagnosed with depression, which seems to be getting worse. He left Uni because he was just breaking down all the time and since then seems to be acting incredibly guilty as if he has failed us. This is not the case as I really dont care what he does as long as hes happy, he now works in a pub but every night he comes home has a joint which when confronted he says is the only thing that calms him down.

I know he is going through this hell and I dont want him to be coping by himself. I myself am Ex Military and from a stupid almost victorian Dad point of view thought that hed grow out of it if he occupied himself with distractions ie girlfriend study etc. well hes got all that and still has this stress in his life.

I know there is no easy way to flick a switch to make this all go away, but would be extremely grateful for any advice. Particularly in how to advise him to seek medical help and stick with it, at the moment he has taken prescribed pills and had councilling, however after a few weeks he drops it saying it doesnt work. In addition any thing you recomend a parent that seems to be useless at helping can do I would be so grateful.

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    First let me say how sorry I am that your son is going through's good to know he has your support...really he does need to be willing and open to help himself especially since being on the right meds are so important...I can understand not wanting to go to counseling...I've been in and out of counseling for years and personally I donto feel that's what I need but I finally found a dr (psychiatrist) who has finally gotten my meds right. I wish I had answers for you...maybe you could start counseling first to see if you can get professional help on how to deal with your son...I wish you the best

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your kind words lisainpain the fact that you so nicely wrote back means so much.

      I think that maybe seeking advice on this forum and counselling is a good way for me to gain greater understanding. So we can work towards an easing of the pain he must be going through.

      Once again really appreciate your reply and dont say that you wish you had the answer, I think words of wisdom like yours are invaluable.


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  • Posted

    Hello , it is so good that your son has your support and I know it must be so frustrating for you to not know what to do for the best . Not a lot of people understand depression and it's good you come on here to ask people advice .

    The anti depresses are very important , I used to be like these don't work and for years I go on them and then come off them . Until I realised that I do need them , there must be a reason he feels like this my be him thinking his a failure is eating him up .

    And no matter what anyone says he feels this , firstly he needs realise he does have a problem and it's not a failure it happens.

    Depression can show it ugly head at anytime , and lot people see it as a fail.

    It's not we just going threw difficult times and in our mind can't see a way out or how to deal with it.

    See if he write postives down and then write negatives and try and work with both negatives and postives. And see what can be changed , he needs to give the meds time and don't try and fight it .

    As for having a joint , my son tells me it calms him down he don't have depression . He tells me I should take it help with mine lol

    I just couldn't but that's me .

    He could even write a diary of what's happened that day and how it made him feel good and bad. I wrote a diary for about a year first was everyday then it got less and less.

    As for you , carry on talking with him and just be there coz it means so much . And do some reasurch yourself to help you

    But we'll done to you for being there

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    • Posted

      Thank you Donna, I feel so lucky that caring people like yourself have taken the time to reply.

      Your wisdom you have provided me with such as its not a "failure" is exactly why your advice is so important. The taking of the Meds for a long time seems to be a common theme and something hopefully he will perservere with. I will try asking him about making a diary however I feel at the moment he maybe in a stage of almost denial and most certainly doesnt want to log things as this is admittance.Lastly the line well done for being there goes for you as well. Dusty

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  • Posted


    Conditions such as these are a challenge but to the one who believes in true  power of Self ( real potential of divine soul which is our true self), nothing is impossible to overcome. 

    Here, challenge is to face the defective signals being generated (sometimes continously ) by brain deficit in health. 

    All well wishers here tell you to go to doctor and take medicine. well, do so. and they all tell sincerely by their experience.

    In addition,  we all should aquaint ourself with true power available to us. 

    Perfect rays of life force flow from our soul Source.

    But negative thinking or other transgressions against natural laws , in this life or previous life , creates in harmonious conditions. 

    Path can be extremely difficult, but despite this obvious difficulty, one has to hold onto Faith EVERY MOMENT of life. and think and believe from innermost core of one's being that all is going to be fine. Yes, faith is invisible and this problem is so tangible and visible. Yet chose Faith. 

    God bless you. 

    Matthew 6:33

    33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

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  • Posted

    He needs to see what medications work for him. They take up to 4-6 weeks to work . I don't know where you are but they are legalizing pot in a lot of states here as it does seem to work for different problems . I know it works for anxiety and I hear for PTSD as well as seizures ,pain and migraines . They need better studies and treatment protocols.They need to systematically study this to get better understanding of its potential and limitations .

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    • Posted

      Thanks Msky. I'm not opposed to him taking pot if it improves his condition. However what I'd prefer is for him to try Meds or indeed any other options. Even if he went for a run every morning. just so he knows what works for him. Unfortunately I cant seem to get this across to him, he seems to think this is his lot in life and thats that. which I guess is part of how depression and anxiety issues gets hold of you.

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    • Posted

      Dusty I understand how hard it Is to see our children struggle .My girl with ADHD had. Baby at 20 .I was so frightened of Postpartum depression that I introduced her to a counselor before she had the baby .I love her so much but it is tough.She can get very anxious and another of my girls has anxiety .I tell them it's something genetic,to own it and work around it .We as parents have to be there for them .

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  • Posted

    Hi dusty. I think its lovely u want to help yr son you shouldn't feel useless. Its hard to care for someone with mental illness. I do that now & suffer mental illness myself so its tough... i think the pot thing ive heard temporarily helps but definately worsens depression & paranoia etc. Its hard i know as u said he stops it or drops meds or counselling quickly which a lot of mentally ill ppl do . I have done in the past as you feel great and you feel u dont need help anymore!! Now im a little older i recognise thts not the case but its so hard trying to get someone to stick to it. I know from my friend who has depression that excercise has the benefits similar to anti depressants if u could try and suggest he did the gym do u think he'd go for that instead?? Just a thought. Xx aw good luck. Here for ya :0) amanda x

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  • Posted

    Your son is very lucky to have your live and support. I understand how frustrating it must be for you to want to help and not be able to get through to him. I'm at the other end of the age spectrum at 68. In July 2015 I put my family through the same thing. I had just retired, bought a condo, and my husband and I moved. I realized I wasn't happy even though I should have been. I had never suffered fom clinical depression before. I became worse as time went on and was convinced that somehow everything  had gone wrong and could ever be fixed. I didn't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I ev n thought going to my doctor was a waste of time and didn't have the motivation to care. My family were very supportive and took me to my doctor appointment. My doctor knows me very well and knew I wasn't at all like myself. He put me on antidepressants and saw me every two weeks to monitor my progress. After nearly two months I still wasn't any better. My family became so alarmed one day that they forced me to go with them to the ER at our local hospital. A psychiatrist saw me, diagnis d me with major depressive disorder with psychosis, and committed me to the hospital for eight days so he could monitor my progress while he found the meds that worked for me. My condition was treatment resistant, but I have been on my current medication since July 2015 and I'm now happier than I've been for years and sleeping better. I have my life back. If it hadn't been for my family forcing me to get help, I might still be living in my own private hell. If you don't have any influence with him right now, would his girlfriend help convince him to seek the help he needs? It may sound harsh, but maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist and see if you could have him committed so he will get the help he needs. He might be angry at first, like I was, but once I was on the right meds I understood they had to do it, and thank God they did. I know the resistance you are facing because I still remember how I fought against them helping me. He's still so young and he'll thank you one day for caring enough to not give up on him. Let me know how things work out.

    Take care,


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