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Hello everyone. I’m new here, and am still finding my ‘feet’ so to speak. I hope I might be able to get some useful advice and suggestions – and I’d like to thank people in advance for any help.
I suffer from a form of social anxiety. I’m I totally inept when it comes to certain situations, due to what I can only describe as a mixture of powerful feelings, ranging from stress and panic to fear. Because of this, I’ve learnt to isolate myself – and I live a very abnormal lifestyle. Some examples: I’m 39, and have never had a partner (I just can’t talk to women in “that” way). I never partake in large groups. I had to take my university studies by distance learning.
But this social anxiety manifests itself in one extreme way: I suffer from angrophobia in relation to ‘authority’. I cannot cope or deal with anyone, or any organisation, that seemingly has authority over me. And, at worst, I feel that my anger will burst out – as outrage – if ever I am forced into such a situation. So I have always purposefully avoided any authority.
Because of this, I am unable to partake in the most normal of things. For example, I can’t attend job interviews, so I’ve never got a proper job. I don’t have a bank account. I am unable to claim many of the benefits that I’m otherwise entitled to.
Only once – very briefly – did I raise this with my GP. He sought to arrange for me to have mental health counselling. But, again, I just couldn’t stand to partake in such a process so I ended it.
This anxiety disorder has, in many ways, ruined my life. To make matters worse, I’m suffering from depression and certain physical ailments (neuropathic pain, and the side-effects of tramadol). About 3 years ago I was suicidal. Yet, for a while, things in my life seemed to improve. But lately things have taken a turn for the worse. I thought I’d express my feelings on this site.
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