social anxiety in the workplace cant do this anymore

Posted , 7 users are following.

I've been off work for a while because of anxiety/depression and a failed suicide attempt. I was feeling really down because I wasn't doing anything with myself and felt like a waste of space so I started applying for loads of jobs and have just started full time as a medical secretary today. I already want to quit I have no social skills anymore because of my anxiety and I feel like everyone thinks im useless at what I do. All I do all day is spend hours analysing things I feel like ive done wrong and thinking everybody hates me and is talking about how wierd I am. I hate being so shy because its not who I am usually im really chatty and up for a laugh. The doctor said I wasnt ready to go back to work but I ignored hrr because I will never be ready.

I dont know what to do I cant quit because everyone will think im a loser but I cant stay there because I can't take feeling like im being judged all the time.

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Nobody is judging you, our minds can be cruel to ourselves. It's nervewrecking starting a new job and only day 1 just tell yourself to relax, breathe try and have a sleep and get some fresh air in your lunch break tomorrow. Big hugs to you (( )) 
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  • Posted

    Hi

    I don't feel I can advise you but I felt I wanted to tell you my thoughts when I read your post.

    You remind me of me, someone whose self esteem has been shattered.

    I feel my self esteem has grown and I am beginning to believe in myself but I remember well those negatives feelings you are experiencing when at work.

    I have come to the conclusion that it is about those around you not YOU....We all know when we feel comfortable in someone's company. I have worked with some wonderful friends and colleagues but I also remember those who were so insensitive.

    I believe you must put it down to jealousy and competition and you cannot control someone else's actions. In a new job, you would normally be made to feel comfortable and welcome so I feel sad that you do not feel accepted.

    By the way, you are not a loser !

    Who has the right to judge you as a loser or a winner ?

    If you accept yourself and love you for who you are, you should never worry about what anyone else thinks of you.

    Believe.....in you.

    I wish you many weeks of luck to get you on your way...and some hugs, of course.

    Jinny 💝💝💝💝

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  • Posted

    Thank you for the kind messages smile the thing is that because im worrying so much about what people think it affects my performance and people think im dopey..then I hate myself more. Its horrible sad

    wish I could just be normal and confident like other people.

    And cbt doesnt work and all the doctor ever does is up my medication. Nothing works! I never see it getting better! But I will try and be positive and let you know how I get on (and have a rant from time to time) haha

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  • Posted

    I have been the same , i had 6/7 weeks off after xmas , and when i returned as lovely as everyone is and most are really good friends , i am convinced ppl talk about me , on the days when i cant stay and go home i know they talk about me , altho im told they don't , theres about 40 of us in my section and i would say only 5 ppl know the full extent to what i suffer the others have heard snippits , and coem to own conclusions, Theres alot in my job role i can't do which management are fine with but i just feel like its not me , i should be the person i was , ready to face anything , ready for a busy hectic manic day , ready to put up with obnoxious customers ... but i just cant . everytime i go to gp they offer to sign me off but i say no , because of gossipers , and also i need to force myself to leave the house, if it wasnt for work / sch runs i would stay in so its good to go to work , Bear with it hunny xxxx youre not alone 
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  • Posted

    oh and im currently doing cbt too and i find it doesnt take the thinking about stuff problems away , yes it helps with how to control the panic / ways of copingbut not the core of it , in my oppionion anyway rolleyes 
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  • Posted

    Hi,

    i won't rant and rave at you ! i hope you do not mind ?

    But, I am here for you if you need me....

    just off to bed so will say goodnight but....before I go....

    I just wanted to say..."Wish I could be normal and confident like other people"

    question for you.....What would you say if I had said that to you ??

    I want to say....What s normal ? and.....confidence you see in other people is just a facade. Inside those people very often you see sadness and low self esteem but they become good at hiding it.

    And, as for wishes,....try to think of a wish as being something special, so special that you can only have one or two in a lifetime. That's ho I now view wishes because I am so lucky to have such good people in my life. I now wish for others instead and try to make other peole's dreams come true.

    I am still positive, really.

    Good night and good luck for tomorrow.

    Jinny x

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  • Posted

    I feel for you.   When you look at your language patterns you use expressions like "everyone", "All day", "Hate", "Loser" and "all the time"  These are the typical words of someone with anxiety.  I see a lot of very anxious people.

    I am absolutely sure that you still have social skills left - it just appears that you are being very very hard on yourself.  The key to feeling better is to find ways to take the adrenaline and stress hormones out of your system through exercise and relaxation techniques.  Meditation, Mindfulness and Self hypnosis will almost certainly help.   It is difficult to see how CBT would really  help when you are still feeling very anxious as the anxiety prevents you being receptive.  When you feel a lot more relaxed you will likely feel much more positive as well.    A  skilled therapist could help you to reach a very deep level of relaxation.  I don't know if any of this sounds helpful?

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  • Posted

    Hi abs, you'll be suprised how supportive people can be! I had a performance review last week and I was 100% sure I was going to get a written warning as I've had a terrible few months with anxiety effecting my work. But my boss was very positive and said she can see potential and we've just got to get me back to where I was. That in itself made me feel so much better. Ive had comments and remarks from co workers don't get me wrong, some are better than others. But you don't even know these people and your judging them as much as they are judging you by assuming they are being negative about you. Realistically probably some will and some won't, in time you will work out which are which. But whatever you do DONT quit. Having a job and a purpose is the only way you will start to get back the skills you've lost and it will take time but try and stick it out at least for a few weeks then re evaluate. Hope it all goes well in the end x
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  • Posted

    Thanks for replying all! This morning was AWFUL I had a horrible dream that I was being chased and woke hp having a panic attack just before my alarm went off. Every bit of me wanted to stay in bed and just quit but I forced myself in. Been having paliptations all day but it hasn't been too bad altogether. Still feel incompetent at what I do and darent talk to people but it could have gone worse. It's mainly the mornings my anxiety is just out of control.

    Think its not been bad because everyone's nice but its always the minute anyone says anything bad about me that I cant handle it and go back to square one. Im glad to hear that some of you have managed to overcome your anxiety and it gives me hope for the future. Im going to keep going to work and treat it as an experiment to see if I start to feel better or worse.

    I just hope tomorrow morning is nothing like this morning!!

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    • Posted

      Hi Abs

      You do sound a wee bit more positive even though today was not a great success in your mind.

      Well done and I think you will crack things...

      I had a bad dream last night too... My hubby woke me because I was talking aloud... I watched a programme called Scamners on TV last night; it upset me. I suppose that was at the root of my dreams...

      I am glad you are able to write your thoughts on here because it gives us the opportunity to follow your journey. I hope you feel you can talk to us too.

      Here's to a better nights sleep and a cheery face in work tomorrow...thinking of you 💝

      Jinny

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    • Posted

      Thank you smile do you mind me asking if you work at the moment? And if so have you told your employer or colleagues about your situation? I know ts always best to tell them so they have an understanding but I find that so hard and have never felt able to tell anyone at work in the past.

      I wish I had because ive had to give up on cbt because I haven't got time anymore. I also went to the doctos because I wanted some practical advice on managing my mood whilst back at work but she just told me I wasnt ready and put me back on medication which is now making me feel even worse. I wish there was more support for people when they want to work.

      She said I should be doing little things like going for a walk or having a shower but those things gove me no sense of purpose!! Very frustrating. I bet she wouldnt feel great herself if she wasn't able to work!

      Anyway rant over! Good night

      xx

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    Wide awake so thought I would pop online for a while!

    I'm sure you are fast asleep by now.....

    No, I am not working at the moment`...I just cannot!

    Some days my energy levels are so bad I can just about manage to get showered and dressed. I have ME/CFS and have had for 3 years but it has taken a long time to work things out. My imagination ran riot; I had all sorts of things wrong with me but it was all in my head!!

    In the first year, my specialist diagnosed MS so, of course, I thought my world had come crashing down but as time progressed, I just seemed to improve and felt that just maybe, he had got it wrong.

    As it played on mind, I decided to go privately and get a second opinion....the next specialist told me I had no signs of MS and none of my records showed that either....the first guy I saw was now on long term sick !!

    As you can imagine, I was over the moon at the time but I was told that my fatigue was probably CFS.

    I was made redundant from work in 2012 and had worked full time for 30 years so I really missed it  because I never had a bad day...I loved my job....

    I did have issues though with staff and, I always confided in people that I felt comfortable with; those I trusted and were good, honest, down to earth people.

    How would you feel about talking to your line manager ?

    It would be good to share with someone. You really need to know that whatever conversation you have, it would be in confidence.

    I worked with young people who had a special need of some kind and always used to remind those I worked with that every young person has an additional need at some point throughout their career; it's unavoidable, and think that is true of all adults.

    LIfe never goes as we want it to, there are always peaks and troughs ,,,,,we jsut hope that there are more peaks than troughs smile

    I do plan to go back to work eventually as I am still young !!! but I know from just being off for 3 years and doing a short Xmas p/t job last year, that it won't be easy to socialise again with colleagues but I'll face that when I get to it.

    In the meantime, I'm guessing you should focus on your routines, getting to and from work and finding something that's a treat for you at the end of the week !!

    Let tomorrow be a good day and focus on all the positives when you get home.

    Thinking of you,

    Jinny x

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    • Posted

      Sorry ive been so tired that I haven't checked here for a couple of days!

      Im sorry to hear about the problems you've been experiencing jinny sad

      Nontheless you still sound positive that things will get better, and can recognise that when there's a problem it's usually down to other peoples views and not you as a person. Im glad you had some really supportive friends at work smile

      I hope you get better soon and feel ready to return to work again.

      im only at this job as a temp and so I dont feel comfortable enough making the step to tell my manager if im only there for three months.

      The mornings are still really hard, and I just dont like socialising with people anymore...and that's not me! I used to be the life and soul of the party, now I just feel like a robot with no emotion. Working can only be good for me though and will keep me occupied while I wait for my medication to start working (not that im hopeful that it will).

      I have an outpatient psychiatry appointment on 3rd june but im not feeling hopeful because at my last visit they just told me I had bpd which I have nothing against but it seems like they just tar every hard to manage patient with the same brush. And ive worked in mental health and know what their views are of people with bpd!!

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