Social anxiety/ negative instrusive thoughts

Hi guys. First of all, i'd like to thank this wonderful forum and all the people on it. It will defintely help a lot of people who wants to do self-help to solve their problems, including me. *clap clap*

Ok, so just a short introduction about myself. I'm currently 25, I'm a male with chinese ethnicity. My nickname is Jas. I came from a pretty well-off family (enough to get me my needs and some of my wants) . I have a couple of caring but overprotective parents. I went through my entire "going-to-school" life with them. I graduated with a decent course and was successful in getting my professional licence. Life was really great that time for me, but i think I only felt that way because I was naive back then.

Anyway... As soon as I started working, I left home for good. I went into a different city and started to become an independent person. I was around 21-ish that time. This is when I became conscious of my behaviours and holes within myself. I think, a big part of this is due to me staying with my parents for a very long time, which probably delayed my maturity, but hey, let's not live in the past. Let's focus on what we have right now.

So when I started to become conscious with my own movements, I looked for ways to imrpove myself - I spent long hours in a day to reflect how my day went, how i behaved in front of other people, etc... When I started, it was really bad - i didn't know how to carry myself in public, people would most often laugh at me. One thing i noticed also is that I craved for attention - I was needy. I didn't know how to construct my thoughts properly. I didn't even know how to know what I feel for a certain scenario. I was really bad that time, trust me... If i write all of them here, this will be a VERY LONG list. Oh well, that was the past. But over time, I was able to get some of the negative traits out. I gained more control over myself now. But there are some that I can't get out:

1. Negative intrusive thoughts - thoughts of people laughing at me... thoughts of people bullying me. It's one that keeps on going my head OVER and OVER again. I have read some of the forums and took the advise to replace negative thoughts with postive ones. yeah it sure helped, but when i'm under pressure, i just lose control of myself. For example, one of the things im interested with is music... singing.. playing musical instruments. I could very well do those stuff if i'm alone, but if i'm in front of several people, thoughts like people laughing at me creeps into my mind, then i lose control with myself. I don't know why, but I'm so overwhelmed with my emotions, that I lose control of myself completely.

2. Social anxiety - Back then, I was really afraid of people. I don't know what to do in social gatherings (i was the one who sits in the corner and eats cheese). Soon, of course, i had to face my fear and had to start talking with people. I think i found some success in it. Although, my biggest problem right now i think is approaching groups. it's like i feel fear even before i do anything. I think my reasoning also breakdown quite easily when i'm under pressure (like for unexpected circumstances/responses...).

Sorry for the very long essay. but i hope that some of you will take your time to read my story and give some advices to me. They will all be warmly welcomed.

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