Some advice great new girl in my life
Posted , 7 users are following.
I'll make this quick and short.
I have been seeing a new girl for 5 weeks now and a week ago she told me that she has genital herpes. We haven't slept together yet but we are both ready to....but she wanted me to know first.
Which is fine.but I'm having a serious decision making issue.
I want to keep seeing her I don't want to stop seeing her because of this but the sti clinic told me today that condoms don't protect you from herpes. So what the hell do I do now.
Seriously stressed out.
Either way I'm gonna end up depressed and alone or depressed with herpes! 😭😥
0 likes, 12 replies
alex22531 Oofy83
Posted
Ugh, don't look at it that way 🙁 It doesn't mean she's dirty or anything either. I've only been with two men both long term relationships and I somehow contracted genital HSV1 (from a cold sore) and it's been so tough ever since I found out. My current boyfriend of 3 years is super supportive though and doesn't care. We've been having unprotected sex for almost 4 years (we were hooking up when we first met) and he's never had an outbreak ever. Herpes is tough, depending on the strain she has you might not even contract it especially if she isn't having an outbreak. HSV1 isn't as contagious in the genitals and is rare because they isn't the place of origin it usually lives in your mouth. I'd have a serious discussion with her, ask her about what it is she has and you need to decide if she's worth the risk. And to be 100% honest with you, herpes isn't an STI. It's a skin condition such as chicken pox or shingles which are also a strain of herpes btw. Unfortunately it's been associated with sex and as an STI because it can be contracted Benita to genital if someone has an open sore. And truthfully, 1 in 3 people have HSV and can go years and years without ever having an outbreak. Some people only get one or two a year especially if it's HSV1, you usually get only a few small outbreaks through out your life. Some people will only have one and never have another ever again. Just do your research on it, and have a tal with her. It doesn't make her a bad person and I promise you that you won't be alone forever! It's more common then you think.
alex22531
Posted
Contracted genital to genital** sorry I don't know how that got messed up lol
sarah53590 Oofy83
Posted
Hi, I can understand your dilemma! It's amazing how much an emotional effect herpes has on people. Some things to consider-
Condoms - from reputable sources I've read, herpes protection is 30%
HSV2 Unprotected transmission rate if sex is abstained during an ob- over course of a year having sex 3xweek - 4% woman to man, 8% man to woman. Easier to pass man to woman than other way. HSV1 is even less commonly transmitted from genitalia, due to low shedding rate from that location.
As 2Alex says, find out from her, what strain (HSV 1 or HSV 2) she has. Maybe find out too, how long she's had it (shed rates (contagious rate) drops the longer a person has it and develops antibodies.
Ive read many reputable places online, 1 out of 4, sometimes 1 out of 5 people have GH. Possible you've already had sex with someone carying it or even carying it yourself. It's so common and 80% people are asymptomatic or symptoms so minor they never notice/d. Most people get it (me!) from someone who didn't know they were carying it.
If she's on antivirals, her transmission rate will be much lower.
FelizCastus Oofy83
Posted
First thing you need to do is find out which HSV type she has genitally. If HSV1, it's not really an issue, and you could already be carrying the virus orally (can be asymptomatic), which should protect you. Even if you don't carry HSV1, it's not much of an issue, as genital HSV1 is not that recurring or infectious. Genital HSV2 is the one that requires more care, as it does typically recur more often and is more infectious without daily suppressive meds.
klm1213 FelizCastus
Posted
You have answered some of my questions on HSV2 before and have helped immensley! I was wondering if you can help me again???
I have had HSV2 for 20 years and I am on daily suppressive therapy. My BF and I have sex with condoms (he knows and is ok with it I am just terrified of him getting it) He keeps wanting to perform oral sex on me, which I won't let him do because of the same reason (afraid of him getting it). What are the chances of him getting it if I am on daily meds and am not having an outbreak?
Thank you so much for helping me
FelizCastus klm1213
Posted
Should be quite low! Firstly, you have had it for many years and infectiousness declines somewhat over time, so that's in your favour. Secondly, you are on daily suppressive meds. Thirdly, HSV2 strongly prefers the genitals over other body parts. So long as you do not get many breakthrough outbreaks whilst on the meds and avoid genital contact if you do, the risk of transmission to your bf is low. Even if he were to get it orally, it would next to never recur or shed, so not really an issue.
Oofy83
Posted
Thanks for the replys everyone.
I didn't mean for it to sound like I thought she was dirty I don't at all.
it's not her fault that her first bf cheated on her and gave it to her. I get cold sores on my lip a lot myself so I know how annoying it is.
I will have a talk with her. Shes had it since she was 19 she's nearly 27 and only has out breaks once or twice a year. She's starting antivirals this week.
But the idea of not seeing her anymore is just awful.
But I do suffer with serious bouts of anxiety and depression ever since I was 13.I'm 32 now and only recently I have started to think that I could have a happy future and developed confidence and self esteem. But if things don't work out and I get it. It could make me seriously depressed. I'm finally starting to believe I could have a happy future but I want her in my future too.
FelizCastus Oofy83
Posted
Totally understand where you're coming from. I'm going to guess she has gHSV1, since she acquired it young, but only a test can prove it. Hopefully she had one done at the time, and not just a visual diagnosis. If not, she can do the IgG test for herpes (IgG, not IgM) or have it swab tested the next time it recurs. All the best!
alex22531 Oofy83
Posted
With you getting cold sores id say it's possible you both carry the HSV1 virus and there's nothing wrong with that! Things happen, it could be a lot worse. As long as it isn't interfering with your well being and happiness I wouldn't worry about it ?? Herpes isn't a death sentence, it's a mere skin condition. Don't let it interfere with the feelings you have for her. If you wanted some reassurance there is blood tests you can go get done to see if you carry the virus already since you do get cold sores. Like I said 1 in 3 people carry the virus. It's very common. I'm a women living with it in a happy relationship! It isn't the end of the world, stay positive and stay strong.
jane80952 Oofy83
Posted
You all need to talk to your doctors about your fears or actual experiences of rejection over herpes. The medical community doesn't believe it at anything that should govern whether you have a relationship, otherwise they'd screen everyone so that everyone could choose . As it stands, only half of us know we have it and the half who have it to us continue to go aroma be infecting more people bc the medical community won't screen them. Either the playing field should be leveled by EVERYONE being screened and given their status, so EVERYONE can make an informed choice, or no one should get an informed choice and it doesn't matter whether anyone discloses. The current double standard is the problem.
If everyone were screened, herpes would be found to be so common, that it would be impossible or nonsense to choose relationships based only on that.
Oofy83
Posted
Ok so talked with her she thinks it's strain 2.
Started on the antivirals and she says she has breakouts a few times a year. I'm going for a full sti test in 2 weeks so I'm thinking maybe no sex till I get results from the tests.and might have a better idea of what to do then
FelizCastus Oofy83
Posted
She should also test to confirm type. Good to know generally and for your reference. Sounds like it could be HSV2 if it's that frequent, but not necessarily. Without lesions to swab, the test to do is the HSV type-specific IgG antibody test, *not* IgM (very unreliable, prone to false positives).