Some days I don't know why I bother!

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Hi people can you help?  I have had months of counselling for ptsd and still feel though we're not really touching sides as my ill health physically keeps getting in the way of me getting to the sessions I so desperately need. How do I continue when I just feel ill so much?  Each session is vital, I know that much but don't know whether or not to cancel them or not now given how much I have messed my counsellor around but not on purpose.  I feel torn, I had to cancel yet another session last week due to ill health.  I am starting to think what's the point when it's clear the 2 people who raped me have got what they want, to dig me in to a hole as deep as possible and leave me there!  Feeling really despondent, can this happen?  What do I do please help?

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