Some of my zopiclone journey… Postscript360 Charity

I didn't realise Id been on this forum years ago when I was struggling to taper down. i was taking 3 x 7.5 mg a day in small nibbles to keep my anxiety away after coming off an antidepressant paroxetine as it was mind numbing! i wasn't feeling or showing any emotion and people especially closest to me noticed it!

I'll cut out all the In-between, I'm happy to share if anyone would like to chat about this, however I don't want this post to get too long as I get to my point!

Up until January of this yr I'd tapered down to 3 x 3.75 mg a day... Been the same for a few years. Didnt need them at all for sleep, just for anxiety, they had a calming affect.

In January of this year 2023 my doctors took 7 away without warning! i went crazy and finally agreed for it to be 4 instead and the a slow taper of 1 a mth. They wanted to get me to a safer level of 7.5mg a day. Which I totally understand, however I knew the hell I'd gone through yrs ago and didn't want to go there ever again!

Ok, so I'll fast forward to last week on Thursday when I realised I only had one tablet left... I panicked! (I've been purchasing extra from the internet also and they hadn't arrived either.) - I'd got to this point a few yrs ago due to fear of running out and it was my safety net!

So I knew I would need to suffer until Friday and there was no way I could do anything else but just that. My last 3.75 mg was taken @ 6 pm last Thursday. I took my amitryptiline - prescribed for nerve pain... earlier than usual as they make me drowsy and I managed to get to bed early. Thinking I could get through until Friday when my extra tablets would arrive.

Friday came and no tablets had arrived! I was going through hell, extremely anxious, palpitations, tight head with a building pressure, headaches and shaky.

My body was crying for me to feed it with more zopiclone! I'd been given some diazepam a few mths ago, to see if I could try to use them instead. I tried a couple separately at the time and zopiclone was the clear winner! Not much affect at all, so I put them away in a drawer. I'd also tried the diazepam route with the doctor years a go and it didn't help at all.

Saturday I remembered them and on waking I took 1 x 10mg diazepam.

It didn't seem to work fully although most certainly taking the edge off. Again that day no tablets arrived, I continued with the diazepam 2 more that day. Frightened about getting through the weekend and knowing even on Monday I wouldn't get anymore from the doctor, however I had my review about reducing 1 more... (The way they have worked this had a rebound affect and making me worry even more, especially as the way of life is such a struggle for the majority of people right now).

I got to yesterday using the diazepam, 3 x a day, separate times of day.

I still had one zopiclone left and determined not to take it. A bit like a last cigarette if any of you are smokers, that same craving but willpower can make you say no!

Yesterday my extra tablets came, however I'd got through 4 days, why would I cave in now? I'd never got this far before! I Kept pushing myself in great sufferance and feeling worse than the first day. I missed my phone appointment with the doctor yesterday and its rescheduled for tomorrow before I'm due to get my new prescription on Thursday.

I had the last diazepam yesterday @ 6 pm. Trying to get calm so I could at least get in the bath. not too much detail here but I really needed one! I waited until my other half was home as I didn't even feel safe having a bath or walking up and down the stairs, going down being the worst!

I managed my bath whilst suffering greatly and sobbing uncontrollably being so frustrated with myself.

Today is day 5 and the worst day ever, I was trying to rearrange my appointment with the doctor and the receptionist said all I could do was go to A&E! Id called yesterday and a different receptionist said shed send a message to the doctor I was still on the list. i didn't get a call last night. Hence calling back this morning, this unhelpful receptionist Ive clashed with before and she's the only one as she's not helpful at all. I asked to speak to someone else calmly and she started shouting at me and telling me she was terminating the call!

Well, this pushed me right over the edge, on top of how I was already feeling Id been challenged by the rudest receptionist I've ever known. Shes definitely in the wrong job!

Anyway I needed the loo, I had to crawl,up the stairs on my hands and knees and couldn't get back down the stairs, home alone, I sat in the bathroom breaking my heart and trying to breathe deeply to calm myself. I couldn't... I eventually sat on the too stair and shuffled down on my bum!

Asking for help, crying please God help me! Knowing there was only I that could help myself!

I realised I needed to talk to someone, my friends and family are aware of some of my issues but not To the extent I've tried to explain here.

I remembered the advert 'Talk to Frank' I googled it and did exactly that! I only wish I had yrs ago. I've been in this poison for 15 yrs since being diagnosed with anxiety and depression and suffering insomnia greatly!

I spoke to a lady at length explaining as briefly as i could what was going on... she was very sympathetic, supportive and caring. Excellent listener, great advice and full of praise for how far Id got. Although cold turkey was dangerous, she gave me a number to postscript 360 a charity which helps people in this situation.

I rang them and have an assessment on Friday. The service costs £30 a month(FREE if on Benefits) and offers advice and a suitable reduction regime. She wasn't sure if it would suit as I've got to day 5 and past the danger point...

I wasn't going to tell my doctor tomorrow, in fear of not being prescribed anything in Thursday, however I've been advised to tell the truth as they will be working along with my gp.

I'm feeling better now, my anxiety has minimised, I'm just left with feeling jittery and head pressure.

I found this forum a few nights ago when i was googling how long withdrawal would be etc.

As I said earlier I didn't realise Id joined yrs ago until requested to log in, my iPad had saved details.

So, I've wrote this for a few reasons...

1. I've been hooked for 15 years
2. I've reduced to 3.75 mg x 3 a day instead of 3 x 7.5mg a day
3. Ive been through hell and got to day 5 apparently the peak, although tapering is much safer - I'm not recommending anyone do things that way, just that I have and I've got through it!)
4. There is a charity out there that I didn't know about, no one has ever told me about this charity.

This is the best help and advice I've ever been given and I wanted to share it, only knowing now after 15 years, it was so easy and helpful yet professionals either don't have the knowledge or just not mentioning it!

Maybe talk to Frank FIrst and then they'll advise you what to do from there.

Take that first step, if I can do it, anyone can! I'm not out of the woods yet but I do see a clearing, there is hope, you can do it, its not easy by any means, if I van help in any way I will. I just wish I'd done this sooner and known about the postscript charity.

Lots of love to you all, ill update as i go on. O noticed the forum is pretty quiet from yrs ago. Hopefully some of you are still connected.

Thanks for reading if you got this far,,i didn't want this to be a lengthy post! OOPS!

Apologies for typos, I'm on my iPad and always hitting wrong buttons! xxx

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