Something is wrong- large hernia

Hello everyone,

I will just get to the point. My question has to do with my mother. Just yesterday I was told by another family member that she had a large lump on her stomach. Then I saw it myself. This lump that she has on her stomach is on the left side. It's located between her breast and her hip. It's around the middle of stomach left side, close to the belly button, but not too close. When I look at it I would say it's the size of a golf ball. And when touched you can tell it's definitely a lump. When I first saw it it wasn't too red, but lately it turned red. It looked inflamed.

My mom told me that she had that lump for 30 years. My mom now is 64 years old. She said when she was younger it was very small. Now, recently as in just yesterday she told me she had this large lump for about a month now. She said that's when it started growing. So it grew within in month or so...When I look at it I'm guessing it could be a hernia but I'm not sure.

Another important thing I want to point out is that she DOES HAVE health insurance, but she does NOT want to go to the hospital. She has been throwing tantrums (yelling arguing). Because her and my father have a toxic relationship and she has been blaming him for certain personal issues. Her and my dad have had a bad relationship for many years so it's a toxic abusive relationship that they have. So it might sound weird but she's so caught up with blaming and making drama with those around her that it's like THAT'S the reason or part of the reason why she doesn't want to go to the hospital.

So what do you do when you live with someone who has an illness/ailment and they don't want to go to the hospital. Even if they have insurance???? And my mother is not MENTALLY ILL or disabled, she's very capable and healthy when it comes to being independent.. We all have a depression even I do. But it my mom's case for some reason she doesn't want to go to the hospital and it has something to with her toxic relationship with my father.

Deep down I think she WILL go to the hospital EVENTUALLY, but when it comes to going to the hospital immediately like SOON she doesn't want to go the hospital. So in the next few months or even weeks I think something bad is going to happen. Maybe the lump gets larger, maybe she collapses, maybe it fades, maybe it ruptures.. WHO KNOWS. I'm just not sure what to do when you have another adult (my mom) that doesn't want to seek treatment or get help? I am also not sure if it is a hernia, or something else....as a last result if she continues to walk around with this large lump without getting check ...I think I might call 911 or something?

I also want to point out that she goes to WORK she works a job and she works a lot throughout the day. I fear that with all the stress in the house and the fact that she works a lot, it might exacerbate the lump, or work might be a culprit for the lump. She smokes A LOT well.

I am at a point in my life where I am also not doing well (not physically) more so mentally. There's a lot of toxicity in the house, and I'm not sure if I can handle a family member dying in the future or getting sick. Personally I am trying to move out of this house where my family lives and cut my relationship off with both parents and get away because it's just too toxic. My own mental health is deteriorating. So it's just so many double whammies of non stop drama happening. I don't want to sink with other family members. Even though I dearly care about them both. I am living on the edge every day and may go off the cliff myself, but I am still fighting to stay healthy too.

Any advice??

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