Sorry its me again

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Today life is pants (putting it politely). Eventually got up, listened to upbeat music even had breakfast then bam, sobbing, screaming, trashed the house, turning over furniture riping up the magazine I was reading, washing all over the kitchen floor wanting to hurt myself so decided to go out, drove within the speed limits to the coast. Sat on the rocks waiting for the tide to come in. The sound of the sea was soooo peaceful and calming no other noise not even sea gulls. i just wanted the sea to take me away. But it didn't the old sensible head kicks in yet again. Home drowning my sorrows with wine I know its not the answer but it numbs the feelings of hopelessness, hatred of myself, the house still looks like a bombs hit it too, Never mind tomorrow is another day could be better or worse!!!!!!!

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  • Posted

    New to this site.  What's your diagnosis?  if any.  What meds. are you on, again,

    if any.  I haven't shared a lot on this site, but now I'm going to do that.  I was diagnosed by a GP many years ago as being clinically depressed.  Mostly because my husband at the time thought I was and had somehow convinced the Dr. that I was.  Prescription for Prozac was speedily put into my hands which I

    filled and after a few weeks thought, "Hey, this seems to be really helping me!"

    What I didn't realize at the time was that it, being the med., had actually turned me into a walking, somewhat talking zombie of sorts.  Long story short.  For many years after that I continued on the Prozac not realizing that it wasn't helping me at

    all.  Yeah I was still functioning, ie. getting up in the morning, looking after the

    house, the kids, etc...etc....etc... and also working, doing college courses and

    volunteer work!  Whew.  How I ever did it in that state I will never know.  During

    all of this super duper activity I was missing out on LIFE.  I was doing it all in a fog.  Have to keep moving, have to keep doing.  BS.  Guess what?  I was never

    depressed to being with.  I was sad, for many, many reasons which I'm not going

    to go into right now.  Good luck and get your house sorted!  xo 

     

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    • Posted

      Hi Terri

      i've never seen you post on here but welcome. Diagnosis well that's a good question. Supposedly adjustment disorder, getting use to being on my own after my husband passed away from terminal illness last year and borderline personality disorder which rose it's ugly head out of the blue, still awaiting further assessment for that one. Meds mirtazapine 45mg due for re assessement in September with the psychiatrist. I want off them as I've put on weight which is one of the side affects which does not help with the state of my mind but what I've read on here they are a pig to get off, so whoopie can't wait. 

      Anyway have you managed to get off the prozac, are you in the UK?

      I'm not that good with advice at present because i haven't sorted out my head yet. lol

      the house can wait it's only me so who cares. 

      I hope you start getting things into order yourself, it does help to share, I have found this site a godsend especially when i have been so low or close to ending it all. At least I am still here thanks to very kind, thoughtful, considerate people who put their problems on hold to help others in desperate need. 

      You take care x

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  • Posted

    Hi Tina,

    What support are you getting? If you're feeling like this you need some help. Have you had any support before? I'm thinking either medication or psychotherapy? Generally the first port of call if you're feeling terrible like this is to go to your doctor. They might not be able to do anything right away, but they might be able to put you in touch with somebody who can. It's always worth trying. If you don't want to go down that route, perhaps there is a self referral scheme with your local primary care mental health team. That was the direction I took as I wasn't comfortable going to doctor. Hope that helps X

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