Spinal Cord Stimulator

Has anyone tried the pain pump?  I have had no success with the Boston Scientific implants, and reading this blog the Nevro unit is not any better.  My doctors are aware the there is one lead/paddle is not working.  This is due to scar tissue from previous surgeries.

 

Hey there Marge,

I went through a rough process to get where I am now but in the end, its been worthwhile. I had a Boston Scientific Paddle lead stimulator implanted April of last year. It caused nerve damage because of my unique spinal cord deformity. So January of this year I had it removed. The last option for me was the pain pump because I knew my meds were going to be cut severely. So I had a Medtronics pain pump implanted in May. About 2 weeks after surgery they were able to put meds into the pump and I noticed a difference.

I had a pretty bad spinal fluid leak and had to have another surgery a month later but I am feeling better than I have in years. I have spent the last 2 years at or above an 8/10. Since the implant and having had the leak repaired, I have had times where my pain is about a 4 or 5.

I'm still on oral meds but I have been able to reduce them. Because I have a disk pertruding into my spinal cord at T2  and with the rotation its causing me severe upper back pain. They can't do surgery to fix the disk because of the rotation its non-surgical. So they placed the catheter at T-6. This means that they have to do very small increases because the higher the catheter the higher the risk for breathing issues. 

Its been a life changing experience already for me. I can finally look forward to the future. I have hope. That's something I couldn't dream of before. If the option is available for you, I would strongly consider it. 

 I hope this helps

Annab,

My pain mgmt Dr mentioned the pain pump when he went into a tirade on my meds. He was using it as a threat, so it's kind of funny it's working for you. ( Not that you feel better, just his attitude)

I would consider almost anything including water boarding if it would fix my back. Although my dreams of being 19 years old and lifting weights again are pretty much gone.

I wanted to be " fixed, and not dependant on frequent fluid changes like my truck. If the Germany thing is out of reach, and I don't get a divorce that's the only option. I think the Doc would go for it too.

As for now, the knees have rallied into first place for surgery. I think they recommend walking after back surgery anyway. It's should be more successful than a multi- level fusion.

I hope so. My knee surgeon does about 30 a week and he is still employed. He may have quotas for surgeries like we did for traffic tickets ( oops!).

That's great news for me that the pain pump works. I do remember a story of an addict that drained the morphine out of his pump and overdosed in his truck. Other than that genious, I think a pump is better than the orals. I can't get the orals anyway, so that cuts it.

What a civilized society we live in. All the DEA did was screw the people in chronic pain. That's Law Enforcement for you. We deal with the worst of the worst daily. But I never liked staying in the office much, so I got out and served the public.

Thank you so much for the advice on the pain pump. Maybe I'll post a pic of my Doc's face when I ask for one.

I don’t know what I would have done. It’s scary to think about what would have happened if I hadn’t had this pump implanted. I wouldn’t know how to do anything to it to get additional meds myself. I know once the dose is where it needs to be and I’m off the most potent oral meds I can get a remote that will allow a bolus of meds. Since it’s direct application to the spinal cord it skips the fuzzy head feeling which is nice.  I hate that part. 

I understand knee issues too. I have another birth defect there and tore my back 2 times but the 3rd surgery really screwed me up. There have been 4 so far and I’m needing a total knee replacement. Getting injections every 3 months but they really only last about a month or so. Really sucks and I’ll have to try and wait until I’m in my 50’s because they only last about 15-20 years and they can only do 2. So I’m doing everything I can to hold out. It’s not easy. My all was overtightened in the 3rd surgery which made it almost useless. Then because of the defect and cartilage that is barely existent I’m actually already a candidate. 

Well anyway, I understand how you feel and the frustration of it all. I’m so thankful for a wonderful pain management dr and a great neuro surgeon. So many have really bad drs or those who just don’t give a rip.  

Have a good day and hang in there. 🙂

Good to read your post! Glad the pump works. I've thought about the pump seriously too.   My SCS is not a bit of help, at least not the permanent one....trial was great.  Pain levels are insane. So another trip to the pain management dr. & see what happens with that.  It's a long drive and wouldn't be bad if I felt like he actually was interested. 

I read some about the pump and wonder if what I read was true, when the article said 2~5 mgs. per dose was "usual"  I realize we are all different, but still thinking that the amount mentioned might be small.  Are the dosage amounts much smaller as opposed to oral meds?  I haven't heard from anyone else about the pump, appreciate any info.   It really is good to see someone is having good results with this.

Absolutely! If you would try to inject even 5 mg into the spinal cord all at once right off the bat  it could actually kill someone. It takes a lot less when it’s applied intrathecally. 

I just made it to over 1 myself and I’ve noticed drastic improvement. 

Although I can’t use morphine, I’m allergic. So I have dilaudid in my pump. We are going to get this where it needs to be and then start trying to get baclofen going as well. My back is so tight all the time, top to bottom. It’s like a rock. 

Any other questions you can think of? I even went down on my oral meds and am still comfortable because I got an increase on Friday. 

I’m so sorry that your dr doesn’t seem to care. Mine is such a great guy. He has told me that I’ll be with him a long but that he’ll walk beside me as long as he can. He’s truly saved my life. 

Thanks Annab~~I also read that other drugs, ie; ant~inflammatory type drugs.  Also I was curious about who brought this up, the Dr? Did the doc suggest the pump or did you mention it?  After reading on & on about different options, to me it sounds like the pump is the only way I will ever get relief.  This pump just seems to make so much more sense.  I could actually stand up and make a meal or wash dishes or best of all, take a walk with my dogs again!  I've made an appointment to see my Neurosurgeon who did my back surgeries.  The pain doctor is just so dismissive, with the ever~standing answer "Let's get the programmer in here again and get you seen by her/him"...well May 24 '17 til now I've had re~programs a minimum of eleven times.  I think it's more than a fair shot!! Amazing how well my trial went! The permanent is another thing entirely. Thanks for your information, and I probably will have a few other questions!

The Doc suggested it. Although he accused me of being a drug seeker.

I was on two 60 mgs of morphine sulphate an up to six 20 mg of oxycodone.

That was after he said my spine was s#$t. All of my lumbar spine has degenerated,( I was 5 foot 11, now Im 5 foot 8.) Scoliosis, spinal stenosis and too much more to list in my back . My knees need to be replaced and I have an permanently torn right rotator cuff.

The Doc was using the pain oump as a,punishment rather than something that would help.

I have not had a failed drug test, and used the scripts his Doctor prescribed. I did not request to live " out of " a bottle", but when the Nevro SCS did not work, I was left with little choice.Since April, I quit all of the oxycodone, ( no withdrawals) cold turkey.

It has left me almost 100% bedridden. There has to be another treatment than two pills a day. I cant do anything around the house or outside. My life exists watching cable and Netflix.

I cant wait for football to start.

Its hard to believe that there is such a difference with pain management Doctors. Mine has Nevro in his pocket. Although he stated he has never been a fan of Nevro.

Im just going for my knee replacements and the hell with my pain management Doctor.

Hey Debby,

I’m gonna give y’all the short version of my story to date.  

I can remember telling my babysitter that my back hurt as a young child. Her response was that I was too young to have a back and hers hurt too so I couldn’t complain. She was very abusive and beat me until I was 16 when she left. I tried telling someone when I was 8 and they said “you probably did something to deserve it” so I kept it in. I kept my physical pain in as well. I learned to push through my pain and ignore it as much as I could because I thought everyone hurt all day every day. 

When I was 23 I had a knee surgery where they did a nerve block at my groin. When I woke up, I needed to use the restroom and stood up on my crutches. I went to adjust and get my feet where I needed them and my right leg gave out because of the block. I went down to the ground and I felt something tearing in my knee on the way down.  The hospital didn’t write a report, the nurse aide was in the room with me and saw it and said nothing. I was in sooo much pain afterward. I kept trying to tell the dr what happened and he dismissed me. Told me that I was a drug seeker and that he would not give any further meds. 

I was humiliated! So I just sucked it up and hid. I saw a couple drs over 4 years who acknowledged there were problems in my back  and my knee. I was told that my ACL was compromised and that I probably had another tear in my cartilage. None of them would treat my pain for more than 1 script.  I got to the point where at 27 I was having to lay in bed most of the day because I was hurting so much that I couldn’t hardly move. I had a friend who went to a methadone clinic and told me I should go too. My dad was on methadone for pain so I knew it worked.  I went and as my pain was lessened my ability to do stuff increased. They didn’t treat me like I was making stuff up or like I was dirty. 

I kept going for several years until 2016 when I couldn’t take the pain I was in any longer. I sought out an orthopedic surgeon who knew there was a problem with my knee and told me that he would try a surgery to see if it would improve and if that didn’t work I needed a knee replacement. In the surgery he saw that my meniscus had been torn from end to end and the only way that he could clean the tear was to remove the entire thing. He cleaned up as much as he could without removing it all. He also did a chondroplasty which meant he scraped the surface of my deteriorated knee cap and other bones to try and cause them to regrow. 

The surgery was partially successful but I was still in a lot of pain and he referred me to my hero of a pain management dr. I hid the methadone clinic because I didn’t want to be judged. I made a second appointment early because I needed to fess up. I hate hiding the truth  and it leaves me in a really oanxious state. So I told him and he didn’t pass judgement. He was amazed at the dose I was on. It was pretty high.  He is the one who ordered the MRIs and found the rotation of my spinal cord along with a pretty long list of other stuff. He wanted to help try to control the pain and reduce how it affected me. With his help I transitioned from the clinic to his care. 

That’s when he sent me to the neuro who recommended the scs. I tried it and put up with it making me hurt worse for 9 months. It was like a cattle prod being jammed into my back between my spine and shoulder blades  and electricity running through me all the time. Then points where I felt like I’m being stung by jellyfish across my whole upper back. I voluntarily reduced my meds by about 2/3 to make sure it wasn’t a component in the pain I felt. It wasn’t. My dr just watched and hoped it would change and get better. Every appointment he said “in the next couple weeks/months you should see things starting to change. He couldn’t do much else until I asked to have it removed. 

In Jan I had it removed and after having it removed I still had a lot more pain than I started with.  I have nerve damage from it and have been diagnosed with CRPS on top of the rest. The 2 drs are friends and talked many times about what could be done to help me. 

 So they suggested the pump earlier this year but I was scared from my experience with the scs so I was hesitant. They both felt it would be a good option for me. This was their last hope for me.  It’s been a really long road and a little less than conventional but because i lucked out and found a compassionate, understanding, caring Dr. who wasn’t satisfied watching me suffer and grow worse, gradually declining until I had nothing left and took my own life because I could no longer take the pain in silence. 

As sad as it sounds that was a very real possibility and with a progressive nerve pain condition it looked ugly because of how far it’s progressed and how young I am. 

I know that I’m young but at 35, I’ve already been experiencing chronic pain for 30 years. 

For the first time in many years  I really have hope for a decent quality of life. I might actually be able to raise a child. I couldn’t and wouldn’t bring a child into my life because I was in so much pain that I didn’t feel like I had enough to give a kid. Definitely not what a kid deserves even though I’ve always dreamed of being a mom.  Now it’s possible. 

I’m sorry for the long post but I felt it needed some history to see how long I’ve dealt with pain and how I/we got to where the pump was an option. 

I am going to get an injection at c7-t1 today. My arms go numb and I’ve been having really bad and frequent headaches too. My back feels like it’s on fire lately too. I’m needing some cervical fusions at c3/4  c-5/6 and c6/7 but I really want to hold off as long as possible. 

Hoping this relieves the stuff I’m feeling now. 

  I really hope that you , Ken and Robert all have a better day than yesterday. 

Annab1983, First of all, you could write more & more...as much as you want!  Sad and awful as it has been for you, there are many things that I have/am experiencing.  I simply do not have a word to define what this pain is...the list on the form..."burn, ache, stabbing, etc..." I could say this is "a shotgun day" meaning I'm tempted to get my shotgun & blow my leg off which of course, after hopefully surviving possible MRSA or gangrene, then left with phantom pain that's most likely worse than this!  Of course I am not going to do that, it's how I FEEL with this pain.  It's Evil & straight from hell.

 I hope you do get all the children you want to have...I am grateful for your reply, and will be interested in any replies from you or anyone.  I feel like the pump is my only option at this point, it's seeming a better option than taking ?? mgs of pills every day, though I've been holding it pretty close to 50 mgs. day of methadone. I just want off of it, but... aspirin and ibuprofen don't cover this pain and WDs are going to be awful without a slow taper...down from 300 mgs. day, this is the hardest part to me.

Thanks again & I do appreciate all of the posts, particularly this last one.  That "babysitter/abuser" well...what goes around comes around.  Another story. Probably abused herself.  Best to you, so glad to hear a progress story like yours. 

I understand your dilemma. I’m down from about 230 when I met him in 8/16 and now at 30. The last 80 msg were voluntary because they thought some of the pain I felt was because the nerves were over medicated and as a result hypersensitive. So I wanted to make certain that wasn’t the cause. 

Today was a bit better than yesterday in spite of the injections. On a good note, I was FINALLY moderately sedated!!! In all of the tests and injections I’ve had this past 2 years they have never been able to get me in that twilight state. The trial for the scs was the worst by far. I was awake and felt him pushing the leads up my spinal cord for an hour and a half. Up and down just trying to find a decent area where it would bring stimulation to my back instead of my chest or side (because of the rotation of my spinal cord, it was virtually impossible for them to find the right spot though) I was supposed to have the trial for 7 days but I had them remove it after 5 because the pain in my upper back was unbearable and I had been in tears for 2 days.   The crazy thing is it did help my lower back but they never were able to find anything that worked for my upper or even anything that did flat out increase the pain there.  My Boston scientific reps were/are amazing!!! There were 3 present during implantation at my trial just because I am so unique. They were all so kind. 2 of the temps have me their cell # and we texted weekly after implantation. I tried for about 6 months to get new programs. They even created brand new programs for me to try and help. They met with me about once every1-2 weeks.

I got sidetracked... I hate that you have crappy people who don’t give a crud. It’s not right and you deserve better! Great job on getting your dose down!! My dads on his way down from that dose. It was only the first part that cause me any wd. From clinic to dr I had to go  down to 110 in 1 week. So that was about 120 mgs they dropped me in 7 days. It was brutal! Since then it’s been pretty smoothe really. 

I feel like being on methadone even in this chronic pain forum is looked down in. I feel judged so I was reluctant to open up. I know that I can’t be the only one though so I did. I’m grateful to have met someone who understands. Methadone is great for severe chronic pain because it lasts longer than most. It’s got a very long half-life as well. The bad part is that it hogs the receptors so that nothing else works well with it. .. see I did get back to my original point. Lol. I guess because I’m at a low enough dose and that I had a new nurse in the room who asked and adjusted what they gave me today.  I remember a little pain from when they stuck the needle into the joint I guess but nothing else. I’m so thankful!!!! It worked like it was supposed to. 

My wife Kate and I want to foster at least 1 with the potential to adopt. We’re open to fostering/adopting a sibling set even. It’s always been our dream because we knew that we’d never be able to have a biological child together and neither of us wanted to take the chance of passing our genetic failures down. She suffers with major depression disorder. I don’t know how I’ve not managed to end up the same way but thankfully I don’t have depression. I have bad days but nothing like hers. She’s been working hard to get stable for the past 6 years and doing extremely well. I’ve been able to work until I was fired recently because of my pain and having to take 3 weeks off after the most recent surgery. They thought it was too long. I told him the drs wanted more like 6-8 but he didn’t care. That sucked and reallly hit me hard. It was the day I found out that I was having to go through another operation to repair the spinal cord fluid leak from the first surgery. I’m looking for more work but haven’t gotten anything yet. I don’t want to go on disability this young. I would end up with depression off I have to. Working gives me something to fight for and focus on. 

Anyway, I hope that your all able to sleep tonight. I’m hurting pretty bad but thankfully the feeling of being scorched has been better today since the adjustment in my pump yesterday. I hope that you Debby and Ken will be able to have this conversation with your drs and that they will be receptive, caring and compassionate.  Sending y’all my ❤️

No one wants go on disability. I worked three jobs, just because I could and worked out at least five days a week. My wife swears I went eight months without a day off.

I wouldnt do that again, I missed too much of my two kids lives.

We did take some nice vacations, but look where I am now. It wasn't worth the chronic pain I have currently.

If you can qualify, I would get a disability attorney and go for it. Its not going to make you rich, but it may give you time to heal. You can go back to work when you are physically able. Or you can supplement some of your disability income money by getting a part time job.

Security companies suck, but they are always hiring.

That may get you through some rough times. Austin has a higher standard of living than San Antonio. I know because my brother lives there. If you can qualify for SSDI, go for it. It may help you achieve your dreams of a family. Z( just be careful what you live for). My adult children have had everything given to them, and as I can see that was a mistake.

Anyway, back on topic . This week has been a challenge. I have bronchitis along with with my other issues.

I did get my knee replacement scheduled for August 29th. I have no idea how this will effect my back pain management. I bet they kick me out of the clinic. That's fine, I barely use any of their meds anyway. Ill just find find another Doc to remove the SCS piece of junk and have a pain pump implanted. I dont like the guy anyway.

He put the SCS trial in using ketamine as the anesthetic. Ketamine has a similar effect on the body like PCP.

I tripped out bad. My wife came close to calling the PD and EMS on me. To this day, I have no memory of that night. We did rip him a new one on the next visit.

He is a jerk, sexually harassing the young medical assistant's

. I wish they would stand up to him. Someday.......

Anyway, that's my plan. Germany is still possible. I would rather be fixed than drugged.

I hope your dreams are fulfilled and your pain issue resolved.

Apply for SSDI to help your family. There is no shame in being disabled.

Give your body the time to heal. Work will always be there.

Blessings and have a great weekend!

I should have piped up sooner but I know the BEST orthopedic surgeon in San Antonio. Amanda Marshall. She’s the one treating mine until I’m old enough for replacement. She is the one who replaced my moms knee. Mom spent 2 days in the hospital, walked out with just a cane. 

Her pain was extremely well controlled.

Dr Marshall does a tissue sparing procedure for knees that saves the ligaments and tendons from being sliced. So it reduces healing time and especially pain. 

She’s the one who after looking at an x-ray could see what the jerk of an ortho did wrong when I was younger. He over tightened my ACL which has rendered it nearly useless. That’s why it dislocated and feels like a bike on gravel roads when I bend my knee. 

Anyway she also found something else that wasn’t mentioned in any of my 4 knee surgeries, I have a birth defect in one of the bones of my knee. That could have had something to do with me tearing my ACL twice and grinding the cartilage and bone into oblivion.   Anyway, she’s fantastic!!

Thank you for giving me permission. It sounds silly but I do need to hear that I don’t have to push myself to the brink. I really appreciate it. 

Congratulations on getting the date. I really hope and pray that this helps give you some relief in one area at least. 

I admire you. You gave your very best to your family and no one can fault you for that. Hindsight is 20/20. Don’t beat yourself up. 

Well I wish you rest and comfort tonight. Remember to be kind to yourself. (I’m saying that with 3 fingers pointing back at myself) 🤫🤪

Lol, I said I had made it to 1 mg but that’s 1 mg a day! Not at a time. Mine is a constant drip of meds. So I don’t get the up and down of relief and then wearing off. 

It’s a lot better!!!! 

Annab1983,

I hope " it" is your pain level. I have an idea that I will be required to do a urine test on my next pain manage ment visit. I have not been taking my opiates due to concerns over getting a dui. The Pain Managenent Doc may check for levels of opiates in my system. So its a balancing act. As for a dui, the Officer uses a 12 step process that has no science attached. If they suspect anything ,you are immediately arrested and given a blood test. No levels are determined to state that you are actually intoxicated or impaired.. The presence of any drug that may cause drowsiness is enough to convict for a dui. That incudes blood preasure meds, prescripion motrin, or just about anything. Check with your Doc concerning your pain pump. It may not inpair you at all, but if any drug is detected in your system, that's enough for an arrest.

I have to conceal my knee brace and drive with my left foot to avoid any issues.

Although ironically, in Texas I can legally carry a loaded pistol in my vehicle, concealed. You dont have to have an Open Carry license. Just a valid Texas ID and meet the legal requirements. Whats more dangerous to the Officer, my blood preasure or a loaded firearm?

Just in case, check this with your Doc. I wonder with the pain clinics at capacity most days, how many patients are legally intoxicated?

One isnt, that's for sure.

I'm not intending to scare you, Just protect you just in case. I'm planning on getting the pain pump too, so that would be some important information.

I should get a reprogram tomorrow from the Nevro rep. It usally take at least three attempts to get the Nevro rep to show up. Nothing is guaranteed from that company. I'll just call the complaint line in California, and eventually I'll get an appointment.

I also need to contact my knee doctor to get assurances I wont have to go without pain medication for my knee replacement. I have IBS, so all nsaids are out. Also oral antibiotics.

I'll stay in the hospital an extra week if thats what it takes. I know I'll be in pain, but the major part should be controlled. I hope that can be communicated with the pain Doc. He is an A@#hole, so I doubt it.

I will just find another Doctor.

Feel free to comment on my speculations. It may calm my mind down. As of now I'm worried about everything with my body.

Im just falling apart, like Humpty Dumpty.

This next month is the big one! I cant wait till this crap is done.

Hi Annab1983!! I've been so all over the place, I haven't even checked the msgs. on my e~mail!But I want to say just for the moment that this post you replied to is great! THANK YOU!! Also, I want to get back here tomorrow (I hope!), re~read and reply with comments I want to send...it's almost 1 AM & I am going to get to bed and hope for peaceful rest!  Been "off" the last week as far as "schedule"!  I am so grateful for the replies, they've been uplifting and helpful, many thanks.  Sooo, hopefully I'll be back Sunday AM or so!  Off topic a bit here but this is one time I wish I was back in Texas! I'm from Houston, (Austin & Ft. Worth as well). Then possibly I'd be able to see the Dr. you are talking about!  Look forward to visiting with you & ken as well....the two I mainly read & communicate with. Take care all!  Better days to all of us!

Well, I know it’s in my system even though it bypasses my brain it’s still there. I’m a LOT better off than I used to be. I do have to drive but if I’m the least bit sleepy, I wait. 

On another note, it’s been a really bad night for me. Pain has been about an 8 and at points a 9. That’s why I’m still up replying to you at 4am. Between my knee and my back I just can’t get any relief. It feels like the spine itself is hurting and then the muscles between the spine and shoulder blade too. Feels like there’s a big hard ball being shoved in that I can’t get to deflate.  My ortho feels so bad because we’ve tried everything under the sun but the fact is it’s just in really bad shape. There’s virtually no cartilage because a large portion (90% of what was left after the first 3 surgeries) had to be removed because it was torn when I fell in my hospital room 10 years before at my 3rd. So there is a little but it’s torn. I’ve got stress fractures in the bones and severe arthritis to boot. So I can totally relate to your knee pain. I just have to wait another 20 years or so if I can hang on that long. 

I hope you were able to meet with your rep and that you were able to get some relief. 

Have you ever tried the lidocaine roll Ins or there are patches as well. Those are really helpful for me. I use something like bio freeze too. My skin is so stupidly sensitive that the capzasin burns me. So I can’t handle icy hot or anything like it. So perform is a less expensive option I use and it feels cold only. Kinda like an ice pack when you have to be moving around. You and Debby might benefit from those 2 products. 

My parents are in for the weekend and I’m loving the time with them. I’m trying not to bum them out because I know it breaks their hearts to see me in pain like this. I try to put on a happy face. My eye color can give me away though. They get bright green when it’s bad.  They’re pretty bright this morning. 

I’m disheartened because I felt so good for about a week and then the end adjustment has really not gone well. My next appointment I’ll have him increase the pump and then when I feel like I have enough pain coverage, I’ll drop down the oral meds myself like I had been doing. It works better that way. 

Debby this one is for you too. I hope you had success where I did not. It’s been a pleasure finding the two of you to talk to. I feel so alone sometimes. My wife is really distant and focused on trying to heal her mind right now. So your the only 2 people outside of my mom and dad that I can open up to when things suck. Again, I just don’t want to burden them because it makes them feel so bad and guilty in a way. 

Anyway, I’m gonna try to go lay down and see if I can’t get a couple of hours of sleep maybe. Wish me luck. Sweet dreams my friends. Hoping for a better day for us all. 

Annab1983,

I understand about the sleepless nights dealing with the back pain.

I have had some success with a Lidocaine-Prilocaine compound cream. It does help with the pain, and has yet to cause any underlying skin sensitivity. Maybe your doctor can get you a script for that. I would ask for a large supply, if it helps.

I am just about bathing in it.

Sorry for the pain, but try and remain positive. One of these days you will get some relief, and this will be just another bump in the road.

Blessings,

Ken

Ohh Annab, THANK YOU SO much for saying all that you did, & particularly with regard to us (Ken & myself) being the only 2 that you can open up to (outside your mom & dad) for the moment...hopefully your wife will be feeling better so to speak very soon. I've survived major depression as well.  I've been able to stay off the merry~go~round of pain leading to depression leading to pain leading to...on & on feeding off each other.My initial dx leading to "my disability" has been Major Depressive disorder with anxiety...you 'guys' (please know that term, guys, is in no way meant to be derrogatory.  Monday (yesterday) was in my memory THE worst, most excruciating day I can recalI I use the word EVIL, and it is straight out of hell. I've never cared for the pain scale 1 thru 10, but understand it's a base of course. I've written down my pain level was "124" just because 10 just could not describe it, & besides my experiences have been such that I am certain most don't read a lot of the paperwork, and it's my sense of humor...humor being my personal way of getting by Hopefully one day not too far away it will be more than simply getting by!! lol  Without it, I just don't know what I'd do without humor and my dogs.  I cannot by any stretch, discount my husbands' help.  I really feel that so far in this post, I've done an awful lot of complaining!  Mostly I think I'm giving you both a bit of a sense of "me" & who I am to a degree.  So many things I want to ask & say, once again I feel like I'm going to have to do more of that at a later post! 

I wanted to add that I do have a script for "Flexor" patches, and as long as I don't use them regularly they help. I've been going down on my dose of methadone too, now at 40 mgs. day.  Several years ago I was 300 mgs a day,stayed at 90 for a while & began the taper again.  I do know that has nothing to do with the day I had Monday. 

 Like I said, SO much I want to ask and keep discussing.  Hoping you enjoy time with your parents, & things improve for your wife.  As always I wish the very best for you both including all of us in our daily trials.  I'm hoping to be back here sooner than the time between my last post and now!  I believe this is a place to come to and be understood, and understand..sometimes being "unique" isn't a great thing!  Even though there are more of "us" than I know about, it's still somewhat of a unique club!! For now I will say See ya' soon and wish you a pleasant evening! Take care, Debby

  

Hey Debby,

I understand so much of what you said. I’m so sorry that you had such a bad Monday. I’m really hoping your feeling better by now though. 

While I had the stim in place, I had many of those worst ever days.  I am so sorry. I had 9 months of it where I felt as though I had a jellyfish stinging my back and someone’s elbow jammed between spine and shoulder blades. Mostly on the right though. My heart hurts for you. 

I called Monday and got in with one of the pa’s. The adjusted my pump and it’s helped some. I still have an electric burning pain in the upper right that’s been really bad tonight.  Have you ever used a tens unit and turned it up to the max accidentally? It leaves the nerves raw and it leaves an electric buzz/burn in the tissues for a while. That’s part of what I’m feeling tonight. It’s right at my bra line which keeps it being aggravated. 

Good news though, I get to meet a set of potential managers tomorrow. I’m really anxious about it though. 

I love meeting and learning about new people. It’s been such a joy finding someone who I can relate to. That could sound really bad but I think you know what I mean. 

I’m an open book. So if your ever in the mood and want to ask, go for it. I hope your able to rest tonight. Wish me luck! 

Oh yes! I absolutely do know what you mean! Most likely about most anything said as well!! I hope to be back before too long to make more of a post & generally visit, discuss,  et al.... KEN!! YOU AS WELL!! Looking forward to "talking"...we all understand this too well, but talking really is great therapy for me. Especially because until recently I rarely  talked much at all!  

 Look forward to this visiting in the future too! See you ASA possible!!              Debby