Spouses/Significant Others of HS Sufferers - Dealing with Lack of Intimacy

Hi everyone,

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and we live together. About 2 years ago, my boyfriend began to suffer badly from HS. I believe he had a few flare ups when he was younger, but it was dormant for some time, and then came back aggressively. Our sex life was great before this happened.

Ever since the HS came back, our sex life has suffered tremendously. In my heart I understand that he is suffering, and that is a major reason why he does not want to have sex with me/has a low sex drive. However, sometimes, I can't help but feel like it's me. A lot of the time I feel like he doesn't want to have sex with me because he's just not interested, or has lost interest, or he thinks I'm not attractive, etc. etc. Mostly, I feel this way when he hasn't had a bad flare up in a little while and still does not appear to be interested in having sex. It makes me feel unwanted, ugly, and inadequate. It makes me feel this way even though I know deep down that his sex drive is linked to his suffering from HS, and that these feelings I am having are extremely selfish. I try to talk to him about it but at the end of every conversation I end up feeling like a selfish prick for even bringing it up.

Others who are dating/married to HS sufferers: how do you get passed this feeling of loneliness and inadequacy?

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