Still going through hell 15 months off Mirtazapine

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I often read how everyone's getting on with there lives  "After"  Mirtazapine  😡

I've been off it 15 months and I still struggle on a daily basis. 

My Anxiety caused lots of frightening panic and dread. It plays tricks with my mind leaving me thinking I desperately need to end my life because I can't  get through another day feeling on edge, wound up, inside tremors, tention headaches, palpitations in my throat and my dreams I cannot repeat... there shocking. Never before have I paid such attention to my subconscious mind. I listen to how I feel 20 minutes at a time, reassuring myself that I'll feel better soon even if only for a short time. 

I feel dread as soon as I open my eyes in a morning I know I need to be having positive fulfilling days but my depression makes me not want to take part in life activities and my Anxiety makes me feel uneasy and unable. I'm aware my minds playing tricks on me  so I often tell myself I'm feeling happy and on top of the world but I don't know how much longer I can keep all this up.  As you know it a bloody awful job trying to trick your mind that your happy and its hard work and so consuming.

I think Depression and Anxiety is the worst illness that's ever existed.

Never have I understood Suicidal thoughts like I do now. I always thought Suicide was a personal choice you'd make yourself if you were fed up with life but that's not the case, my Anxiety makes me feel like all the choices are being made for me and that's hard/scary when I can't stop myself feeling this way. 

I've never felt so bloody helpless and alone as I've done lately with this illness there's no miracle pill and there's no empathy from any Gp, they just roll there eyes and I know there thinking I'm just desperately wanting a benzo prescription instead of helping me regardless. I don't think they really know what to do to help us which worries me even more. I've been prescribed 100mg Sertraline and 25 mg Promithazine (Phenagen B) for sleep which helps a lot but find it really hard when I'm ovulating. My hormones go to pot and find my mind racing. 

I can't drink alcohol because of the hungover feeling but I've  found that smoking a joint leaves me feeling happy, alive and content so for now it's my life saver that's getting me through but I shouldn't have to rely on illicit substances to ease my panicking mind but I do what I need to do. 

I'd do anything to be that girl who hadn't a care in the world. 

I miss the old me. 

I feel it for everyone on here and I wish you all well in your recovery. Good Luck and thanks for listening. Vikki. 😱😰🙁

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    I know where you're coming from about doctors villi absolutely useless and that's putting it mild. They have No Idea about withdrawal or anything this medication does. Anything negative you tell them they just brush it off like it's nothing. Mine took me off something I'd took for 20 years and stopped it in the space of 5 days and swapped it with something else and thought I would be fine. She was very wrong 4 months later and I'm feeling so unwell.still.going through withdrawal from old pill and put me on something that doesn't work. The side affects arent nice either. Asked her how to withdraw also took her advice and if I'd carried on like that I wouldn't be here now she just looked at me blank. We put our trust in them and get destroyed by their actions. I won't be going to see another doctor anytime soon as they have set me back so bad . I. Just wish they could take this medication and then tell me what's its like to come off it. Only then will they realise how bad it is. I'm stuck as I'm desperate to get off this but I know I could be worse if the timing is wrong.

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  • Posted

    Hello Vikki

    Thank you for posting and being so honest and brave.  Not many people post after being off mirtazapine for such a long time and I read your post with interest.  You did not say what dosage you were on.

    i feel for you as I know what this drug can do and I also know how little the doctors want to recognise or address withdrawals from this drug, so you feel so alone.  I've been off this drug for 6 months and I'm still battling.  My worst symptom is chronic insomnia and I have  had to resort to alcohol together with smoking a joint.  Don't beat yourself up too much.  You have to do what you have to do.

    I have been on a mindfulness course and I will add that this does help with anxiety and panic attacks. I'm determined not to go back to mirtazapine nor do I take any other drug but I know that not getting the support nor understanding from a medical profession that just keeps handing out various ADs makes us feel quite desperate.

    Best wishes to you and take things one day at a time.

     

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  • Posted

    Vikki,

    Thankyou for the heartfelt message. I will keep you and everyone in my prayers.

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    I’m sorry to hear you are still suffering. Like Christine said you are very brave to report back on your progress, as most people just fade away and you never hear from them. I know you don’t have much faith in your Doctor and modern medicine. As far as AD’s are concerned,  it seems we are living  in the dark ages. Please do not despair or lose hope, I have heard  my  doctor say that  2 years can still be considered  early recovery  for some folks coming of AD’s. Neurological and central nervous systems take a long time to recover. And there are many factors that change the equation.

    I too am struggling after many months of being off MIRT; you said that you don’t like drinking alcohol because of the hangover, when you’re feeling the way you do it’s important to have many tools to help you along. One that I like is KAVA, (about once or twice a week) no hang over, it is legal in most all country’s   I drink the micronized 11 year KAVA, It makes me feel very relaxed and most folks will just drift off to sleep after a while. There are clams on the internet that it  can damage your liver damage, but at this point I don’t care,  quality of life is more important to me,  you should read about it and decide for yourself if think you might want to try it.

    God bless you and don’t give up hope.

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    • Posted

      Hi Switchman

      How are you doing?  Have you got any further with interest in mindfulness.  I'm going to my last session tomorrow.  I think I've been going through a bad wave lately but thanks for all your information.  I haven't given up, nor should any of us here no matter how long it takes.  I'm considering  CBT for insomnia next.  Anything rather than go back to mirtazapine and believe me there have been times when I've nearly caved in.  

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    • Posted

       Hi,

      I’m doing ok, thanks for asking, I am also going through a rough patch or wave as you call it, the mindfulness is working for me along with the CBT,  and it has been helping me get through this wave hit. My health care provider has free mindfulness audio tracks available on line,  free to the public. It’s working for me.

      I did feel like giving up last week, I reached out and you help pull me out of the river.

      God bless you so much I hope you get better soon, I pray to God we can all get better soon.

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    • Posted

      That's very kind of you to say.  We must be going through the wave at the same time.  I will keep in touch. It's just last week was rough

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  • Posted

    I hope you don’t mind me asking. I have been prescribed this med, Mirtazapene only today and I’m scared to take it after reading about the side effects. I am currently depressed but mainly suffering from panics and anxiety more than depression. I have two kids and the last thing I need is to almost be sedated at night. Thinking of phoning back doc tomorrow to say it’s not for me but worried as to what they will say? I was on escitalopram but seemed to cause an itchy allergic reaction. Surely their is an alternative to this harsh led?
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    • Posted

      Hey Mary,

      I can personally say it helps as a short term solution but I also find the people that may be coming off mirt and complain of withdrawal are better to stay on it. I mean if you feel coming off the drug is causing problems it’s best still to take it until you feel in yourself ready to come off. I personally was very scared but I’m ok was on 30mg now down to 15mg and I feel that’s my sweet spot.

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    • Posted

      When I had my very first bout of what was diagnosed as depression,I found it hard to believe it was depression,as my symptoms were,couldn't eat,couldn't sleep,anxious all time couldn't just sit still,felt awful!! but I know now they were right and it was depression,mirtazapine ,along with time worked for me well,and I have felt 100% mentally last 4 and half years mostly,but 18 months ago awful nightmare terrors began ( very common side effect of this drug I have been told by GP) so was on 45mg weaned down to 15mg since May this year,wildly wean the rest after new year with liquid at 10% per 4 weeks.had it not been for the awful nightmares and night terrors would have been prepared to stay on this drug forever rather than risk how ill I was with depression.so far ve no depression ( and please god let it stay that way) but.if it does return will have to start awful process of finding a drug that suits my genetic make up.prozac only took for three days and drove me nuts,couldn't sit still was so agitatedGP said this group of drugs is not for you.

      I slept well on this drug ( apart from nightmares) but could easily be woken up if necessary too.

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    • Posted

      Hi ryan

      i agree with what your saying about people who is on mitazapine if it's helping stay on but I was on it for around 16 months at different doses and it surely didn't help me ..

      i told p.doc that it wasn't helping as it wasn't touching my depression all it done was made me have a full nights sleep and gain weight..

      for withdrawing from it ,I didn't have a choice I was taken of 45mg this time last yr over night. Was put back on 30mg still wasn't helping felt like a walking zombie so was put on 15mg where I stayed for around 7months... I was taken of 15mg overnight withdrawals were horrific.was also told by doctors and phycs that there is defo no withdrawals...i would still be on mirtazapine if they had of helped me but they didn't...

      to make things worse I never suffered from anixety until I was put on mirtazapine..

      They help some people but there is a lot of people out there that they just don't  help

      i think if you have sleeping or eating problems they would surely suit because that's all they done for me, oh plus get me anixety 

      if they help you then thats great but for me il never ever touch another mirt 

      kaz

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    • Posted

      Dont take it. It's not worth the risk when there are so many others to try. I'm taking 100mg Sertriline ¬ It's one of the most mildest ~ without side affects, unlike like Mirt which with no doubt does.take care 

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  • Posted

    Hi vikki

    I really do feel for you.15 months is such a terribly long time to be suffering,but pleases don't give up hope.?Is it possible for you to change your GP? if the one you have has no interest or empathy in your suffering,or perhaps he or she is not as experienced in this field as another may be.I know the waiting lists to get referred to psychiatric services are long,but may be an idea to get in that process,and if by some miracle you no longer need that appointment when it eventually comes through,then you can cancel and explain you no longer need it,there will be no shortage of takers for it sadly.

    I have suffered a fair amount of ill health over the years,and had to have quite a few operations too,but I also would 100% agree with you that depression with anxiety is by far the worst suffering I have ever been through by far,but you must not give up hope.Our old GP who we have had for over 30 years,and knows us well retired in January,and recently last week had to make the appointment to meet our new GP,and request mirtazapine liquid,to wean down by 10% every four weeks come new year,I have gone from 45mg to 15 mg since May,want to wean slower last 15mg,I was really worried about how the appointment would go ( from some of the experiences on this site,I was thinking would she think all withdrawel symptoms were in my mind) well I needn't have worried at all,as she listened to everything I had to say,then said I wasn't the first patient she has had have these awful withdrawels,and liquid prescribed,so it really may be worth changing GP,and ask for one with at least an interest in mental health.you don't say what dose you were on,or how you weaned down etc?

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