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I often read how everyone's getting on with there lives "After" Mirtazapine 😡
I've been off it 15 months and I still struggle on a daily basis.
My Anxiety caused lots of frightening panic and dread. It plays tricks with my mind leaving me thinking I desperately need to end my life because I can't get through another day feeling on edge, wound up, inside tremors, tention headaches, palpitations in my throat and my dreams I cannot repeat... there shocking. Never before have I paid such attention to my subconscious mind. I listen to how I feel 20 minutes at a time, reassuring myself that I'll feel better soon even if only for a short time.
I feel dread as soon as I open my eyes in a morning I know I need to be having positive fulfilling days but my depression makes me not want to take part in life activities and my Anxiety makes me feel uneasy and unable. I'm aware my minds playing tricks on me so I often tell myself I'm feeling happy and on top of the world but I don't know how much longer I can keep all this up. As you know it a bloody awful job trying to trick your mind that your happy and its hard work and so consuming.
I think Depression and Anxiety is the worst illness that's ever existed.
Never have I understood Suicidal thoughts like I do now. I always thought Suicide was a personal choice you'd make yourself if you were fed up with life but that's not the case, my Anxiety makes me feel like all the choices are being made for me and that's hard/scary when I can't stop myself feeling this way.
I've never felt so bloody helpless and alone as I've done lately with this illness there's no miracle pill and there's no empathy from any Gp, they just roll there eyes and I know there thinking I'm just desperately wanting a benzo prescription instead of helping me regardless. I don't think they really know what to do to help us which worries me even more. I've been prescribed 100mg Sertraline and 25 mg Promithazine (Phenagen B) for sleep which helps a lot but find it really hard when I'm ovulating. My hormones go to pot and find my mind racing.
I can't drink alcohol because of the hungover feeling but I've found that smoking a joint leaves me feeling happy, alive and content so for now it's my life saver that's getting me through but I shouldn't have to rely on illicit substances to ease my panicking mind but I do what I need to do.
I'd do anything to be that girl who hadn't a care in the world.
I miss the old me.
I feel it for everyone on here and I wish you all well in your recovery. Good Luck and thanks for listening. Vikki. 😱😰🙁
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