Still self medicating

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hi been on here a few times! My life is imploding I suffer severe anxiety/ depression and have huge debts now trying to make myself happy and I'm still using alcohol as a medication. I keep thinking of ways to die I've had depression for 30 odd years now I'm 50 I feel my life is over I'm divorced twice and I'm still grieving my second wife's divorce I'm anxious most of the time struggling to get up just to do a a days work I am totally at, rock bottomūüėį

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  • Posted

    I am so sorry that you're having such troubles. 

    This is a general chat room and many of us coming to it will have no relevant experience to offer you. It may be more fruitful to have your discussion transferred by the Moderator to the group that is for alcohol related issues.I am sorry I cannot be more helpful. With my best wishes, 

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  • Posted

    Hello Mark,  I am sorry that your struggling and feeling rock rottom.  Most of us here have felt this way at one time or another.  I would advice seeing your GP to see what your options are for getting help.  If you want to come off the acholol there are places to attend with the right support.  Citizens advice can help you with sorting out your debt with your creditors, paying what you can afford each week. Counselling is another way to help you come to terms with your divorce and move forward.  Believe that there is a way forward and have hope. Only you can do this with the relevant agencies.  Depression is a debilitating illness and it is not easy to live with it.  Wishing you the best.

    Elizabeth.

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  • Posted

    Hi Mark ~

    Do you take anything for anxiety or depression?  I just learned yesterday from a doctor that high anxiety/depression and sleepless nights, insomnia is Manic Depressive.  I would go to the doctor sooner rather than later and ask for something to help you deal with your anxiety/depression.  My husband was very depressed and was suffering sleepless nights so he finally listened to me and did get wellbutrin and he's feeling so much better now,  he's amazed.  He was tired a few days so I suggested he take it at night because he'll sleep anyway.  He did and it worked out perfectly.

    You  know, Mark, if you're thinking of ways to die, I'm thinking perhaps you need to be seen today, right now.  Like for instance, go to the emergency room and tell then you're feeling suicidal.  Don't try to work through this  on your own.  Our minds are more powerful than our reasoning!  How you're feeling about your last divorce like you lost someone, like a death, that's how you'd leave this wife only she won't get the chance to help you change that thinking bc you'll be gone and she'll be left feeling so depressed and feeling "what else could I have done to change his mind".  She'll blame herself!  You don't want that, do you?

    Please, I'm asking if you'll take care of yourself for your girlfriends sake.  Do you have kids?  If that's the case, they will definitely blame theirselves as well.

    Anyway you look at this, Mark, no one will come out on top if you take your life.  Only YOU have the key to ask for help.  I wish you well and I will pray that you get the help you need to feel stronger and healthy.

    Many hugs,

    Frustrated

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  • Posted

    Hi Mark,

    I want to add my voice to those who have already reached out to you with compassion and common humanity. We are all fighting a daily battle at the moment but it can seem as if we are fighting it alone. You are not alone and you still have a purpose to your life. I can relate to your situation a little: my wife left me for another man after 20 years of marriage (no warning) and my present girlfriend has got fed up of my current depression and is treating me like garbage. I can't do my job properly and my boss called me a malingerer on Monday so I just walked out. I have wrestled with suicidal depression for the last few months and the medication at best is stabilising me and giving me a bit of space not to act on my self-destructive urges. Medication (and alcohol) alone are not the answers - there are people who can help you. I had a psychiatric assessment in A&E at the end of October 2014 and was immediately put in touch with the mental health Crisis Response team. As Elizabeth says, there is help available for your financial situation too. The world may seem a dark, hostile place but society abhors the unnecessary loss of life really and there are agencies & professionals trying to prevent these personal tragedies. I have family who don't know the true depths of my situation and I often think they would not have to worry about me if I was dead. But I believe that you, like me, still have something valuable to offer this crazy rollercoaster we call "life". I've confronted my mortality many times in the past few months and each time I've realised that it isn't what I want. Hold on to your survival instinct. Please make a list of the things you are grateful for in your life, however small. They are precious jewels to be cherished. Let us know how you are getting on so we won't worry about not hearing from you. You are not alone. One day at a time! Be strong.

    God bless you,

    Digsby

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