1. Community
  2. Infections
  3. Genital Herpes Simplex

Still struggling to come to terms with GH 😔

Posted , 3 users are following.

jessb1738
jessb1738

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed in June and I'm still finding it really hard to deal with this. Mostly with the thought of dating and realtionships... When is the right time to tell someone? How should you tell them? What if they react badly? ..... The thought of also never having unprotected sex again with a long term partner is also kinda disappointing and doesn't feel like most men would be ok with using condoms all the time sad

What about oral sex? Do I have to use a dental dam all the time? It's just awkward and embarrassing!

Does anyone have any advice?

Thank you xx

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus jessb1738

    Posted

    You have HSV-2, right? Same as me, and yes it totally sucks. I'd much rather HSV-1, if I had to choose! I have only had it for just under two weeks, but I know how you feel.

    Regarding when to disclose, and how, that's a tricky one, but as for long-term condom usage, you could always say that you don't react well to birth control, so unless they want a baby, they need to wrap up regardless! Believe me, most guys seem more scared about getting a girl pregnant than the prospect of potentially catching something, lol.

    As for oral sex, the "good" thing about HSV-2, unlike Type 1, is that it rarely ever results in an oral infection. Nearly 100% of HSV-2 cases are genital. Also, genital HSV-2 protects you from genital HSV-1, so oral sex is not an issue, especially once you have passed the initial outbreak and antibody-building phase (3-6 months), when you are even more contagious (just as an added precaution). If you take suppressive therapy, even better! Of course, I am only talking about oral sex here.

    As for myself, I have more or less finished my primary outbreak and am going out this evening with my friend for a girls' night out. Hitting the bars till reasonably late and I might even risk a couple of alcoholic drinks this time! (I already ventured out once last week, but no alcohol.) I'm not letting GH ruin my fun!!

    Anyway, try to think positive and don't forget to show GH who's boss! Nearly always here to chat. Take care. smile

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      Typo. I've had HSV-2 for just *over* two weeks.
    • jessb1738
      jessb1738 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Yeah same as you HSV2. But you know what men are like, oh I'll pull out! Sorry to be explicit but It's true lol!... But I guess ensuring a condom is used is 100% the way forward.

      Ahhhh so glad to hear that! The thought of having to use a dental dam mortified me! I guess that's one positive thing from HSV2 haha.

      Hope you enjoy your night out! Take a shot for me ha! I've been drinking every other weekend when I go out and it doesn't seem to bring on any outbreaks or problems .

      Thank you for your time and I appreciate your reply 😊

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus jessb1738

      Posted

      Haha, true! But as Ginger says below, if you find the right guy, are in a truly committed relationship together, and he knows and is willing to take the risk, plus other precautions are taken, then condoms could be ditched. For less solid relationships, I would disclose and use condoms all the time, saying that they need to anyway for birth control purposes (helps take the blame off GH!).

      That's great to hear that going out and drinking doesn't bother you! Since I am only just out of my first outbreak, I am taking baby steps as a precaution. No shots, lol, but I did have a double vodka cranberry last night and was out till 3am. So far, so good! Next time, I'll try two drinks, haha. Take care! smile

  • Guest
    Guest jessb1738

    Posted

    I got diagnosed with HSV-2 just over 2 years ago but I have had it closer to 6 (based on my previous partners and the timing), after the initial breakout you can pretty much go back to normal life. Yes you have something that you cant get rid of but look up some stats on how many people actually have it. More people in the US have one or both versions of herpes than have diabetes which is saying something. 

    As far as telling someone, I wouldnt say make it the first conversation but if you think you want to get serious with someone then you need to talk to them before it gets to the serious stage and definetly before having sex. If you find the person you want to marry then you can discuss with them about the unprotected sex and the ramifications of it. I would NOT recommend just telling the guy to use a condom and calling it good with out telling them. Even using a condom you can pass it along.

    On the upside if you get the outbreaks under control it is totally possible to not pass it along. My fiance and I talked it over when I got the diagnosis and decided it was worth the risk to have unprotected sex. In the almost 4 years we have been together he is still hsv free. 

    Oral sex is fine to do as long as you arent currently in an outbreak. It is possible to pass hsv 2 to the mouth it usually shows up in the form of cold sores. As long as you are careful with the breakouts and keep clean you should be pretty ok

    Hope that helps

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus Guest

      Posted

      Yes, I was thinking that if in a committed relationship, condoms could be dispensed with, if one's partner is prepared to take the risk (which is also somewhat lower for men). If not, and to make the guy feel less annoyed with long-term condom usage due to GH, the extra birth control excuse (in addition to disclosing, of course) is a good one, lol.

      As for oral sex, have you ever given someone oral HSV-2? Because while possible, the stats for oral HSV-2 are incredibly low and it is very rarely symptomatic. I think if you avoid outbreaks, and especially if you are also on suppressive therapy, the transmission risk via oral sex is pretty much negligible in the case of HSV-2.

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.