still the same

Posted , 5 users are following.

I was on here a little while ago about how I was feeling and I thought that things were getting better ( thanks to the advice I was given by people here) but this morning/ night I started crying

I don't know what what triggered it but I suddenly felt really sad about a lot of things such as university not being at all levels what I'd hoped for

I wanted start university with a new image, someone is slightly more outgoing than the real me but that all failed when I didn't get into student accommodation, I felt isolated and alone having to walk to university by myself, I was by myself in he breaks too, even when I want to go out with friends I think about the costs and decide against it ( i have to take taxis to far places by myself)

I feel intimidated by the people around me and I don't know why know, well I do actually I always feel like people are better than me or that they don't really want to know me, I look at people with their groups of friends and it only makes me feel worse

I feel so ugly and always think that no guy finds me attractive, but that's something that I shouldn't do because it's pretty much the same thing as saying to God that he failed in creating me, which isn't true, I rarely talk to guys because of these feelings

My school 'friends' barely make the effort to contact me, I thought we were all close in secondary school but they never message me or contact me to meet up when they do

I feel as though they never really cared about me but had to because we were together all the time ( i went to a boarding school ) I try so hard to be strong in public but the only people who really know that I struggle are my parents and they don't even know everything because how can I tell them that I constantly feel alone, that I constantly feel as though I'm wasting my life, that if feel as if I mean nothing to those around me but a tool that they use to get further in life, I feel as though people only use me because they think I'm smart

My mum always tells me that she really wants me to enjoy this part of my life and not be sad anyhow but it's soo hard for me, I want the same thing to I just feel so isolated and trapped in my own fears

I just want to go home so badly ( to be with my parents) but I'm not a child anymore I need to start living for myself before my whole life passes by and I'm still feeling the same. Even writing this I'm crying but I don't know where else to go ... if you can help me I would really appreciate it, I just want to be happy

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Maybe you can defer from uni for a while my daughter has just done so until feb and she's been Really stressed and anxious. Xmas doesnt help as its an expensive time of year. being at hone might be what you need at the moment. Talk to your mum she obviously understands and go to gp xx
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  • Posted

    Stop putting yourself down. The fact that you are on here telling people your problems shows you are stronger than you think. My daughter was just the same when she went to uni. She is a very friendly sociable person but slways finds it difficult when she starts somewhere new and tells me nobody is talking to her or including her. Obviously it doesnt help that you are living out but who knows that may be an advantage when you do make friends. You have achieved a lot so you are not wasting your time. I know that my daughter has grown up so much  and learned so much about life from leaving home. She was desperate to come home at first and was so homesick but admits now that she is so proud of herself for sticking it out. You will probably find that people will all be swapping friends to start off with and when you do make friends they are more likely to stay with you and be more settled, having done the rounds. Remind yourself that your family loves you and always will. They are the people that really count. Try not to punish yourself for feeling sad. Take one thing that is worrying you at a time so you wont feel overwhelmed. 

    Chin up 

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  • Posted

    Hi, you never had to change, you forged close relationships at school successfully. I think the main problem is you put too much pressure on yourself and when you didn't feel that you lived up to the standards you set for yourself it all got on top of you. Your friends from school may be in a similiar situation as you and are also wishing you would get in touch with them or just really busy, I'm sure they haven't forgotten you. Reach out to them, tell them how you are feeling, I'm sure it will help. You are far from alone, university is a very stressful time for most people. There are always facilities on campus you can take advantage of in order to meet people going through the same issues or counsellors you can talk to. I felt isolated, intimidated and like I didn't dererve to be there when I went to uni and my biggest regret is I didn't seek help and I didn't get a good grade or have a good experience at uni. Please don't make the same mistake I did x
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