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STRESS being the thing that makes FIBRO WoRsE

Posted , 4 users are following.

diagnosisisalie
diagnosisisalie

Can someone tell my 19 year old not to go to Pennsylvania, across the country with his 31 yearold girlfriend?This is so freaking me out. They are trying for a baby, and in no way do I want the girlfriend mother to be the main grandma ,she is wacky sick , where she is Nuts not sure why she isn't in a hospital . He knows no one up there . They are promising him the land of dreams a 4 story house ans 4 acres, and .......

I want him to be happy but I can't get to him if he needs me quickly

1 like, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • kaz_40
    kaz_40 diagnosisisalie

    Posted

    Hi diagnosisisalie Cant your husband talk some sense into them. All this sress worry isnt going to help you. You can try talking to them both calmly, explaining why you dont want them to go. But if they wount listen and insist on going you will have to let him find things out for himself.  I have found with my sons the more you try and stop them from doing something. The more they retaliate and go out and do it any way.Take care gentle hug
    • diagnosisisalie
      diagnosisisalie kaz_40

      Posted

      Thank You , Kaz. It is really bothering me, my huband's reply is that he is an adult and that he won't stay near forever and as my two younger ones leave the nest they too will leave the state. I just worry about my oldest , he has some social issues.Most likely he had autism his whole life, never tested but I have had enough education in and on Autism. He hated the fact that I would tell him that he saw things different and it was a gift . That he was autistic, he hated it. Well, just a week agao he comes to me and hands me a paper where he wrote a name of a movie that I must watch, it took me a minute to recall that I had seen it , he had just watched it and he said that he said that it was him all through the movie. He knows that I am looking out for his best interest, I am not trying to control him. I just can't get to him as easy if he needs me.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 diagnosisisalie

      Posted

      With the many things Ive gone through in life both my self and with my 2 sons. If ever anything was wrong he needed you believe me as a mother you would  move heaven earth to get to get to your kids.How ever hard it might be to get to him you would find a way. I can fully understand appreciate why you are so worried about him, and dont want him to go. As mothers we want to protect our children and keep them from harm. But for them to learn we have to let them go,I think your son sounds like a smart lad to me from youve just said about him. I know your anxious worried but support him just let him know that you love him and will always be their for him.You will find a way to get him when the chips are down anything is wrong where are kids are concerned you find a way. take care
  • Meg53
    Meg53 diagnosisisalie

    Posted

    This is a tough one. I presume you have sat down and had a family meeting with him, listened to his view point and told him your concerns? I there anyone outside the immediate family that your son respects and might listern to their advice, like an uncle, family friend, counsellor etc.  Apart from that there is not a lot you can do but make sure he has an escape route and knows he can come home at any time and he has access to funds to do so.

    I feel for you and the stress levels you must be experiencing. xxx

  • christine26761
    christine26761 diagnosisisalie

    Posted

    O' diagnosisalie...this is just horrid for your stress levels...I really hope you get some good advise...unfortunately 19 is classed as an adult, yet I have to ask.."what does  a boy really know at that age" ..and a 31 year old certainly has some life's experiences to play with there...To me there isn't too much you can do about it...laws are sooooo different in other countries too.....this all must  be very had for you.,but to me that's the most important issue.,you...looking out for you..we have great free councillors at our church which I'm sure there would be wherever you are..BUT...you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink it...Personally I would have to let go..and hope for the best..trying to be positive in a negative situation is extremely hard...you must look after you.....and just let your son know, you want the best for him, you love him..that's why your opposed to this...and whatever his decision is.,youll respect it and you'll be there for him always...that's just the job of mum...sometimes it's safer and easier to help put the jig saw back together ..than not bother playing  at all...really hope you get some real help here diagnosisalie,..empower yourself by being positive..even if you don't feel like it..try things in the opposite spirit.. be blessed..I will be praying for you..try very hard to not stress  out, ,when our kids grow up..unfortunately they do think their invincible don't they? be blessed..have a nice day..:-) xxx.

    be kind to your self...look after you...

  • diagnosisisalie
    diagnosisisalie

    Posted

    They are going to Pennsylvania this weekend to go see the house that her mom bought them. It is a 2 story with an attic and basement with acerage and barn. My son is going to school as a vet tech and wants to work with farm animals, this is not the career choice we ever thought he would do . He isn't an animal person. He wants the cows,goats, chickens, etc. I can see that he will get tired of that life quick when he learns about the physical labor and long hours of a farm. We have always worked with animals ,but he never understood the work it takes of cleaning, feeding, etc.
  • lisa52101
    lisa52101 diagnosisisalie

    Posted

    Hi diagnosialie,

     this is a really tough situation to be in. I can relate in parts to your situation. My 18yr old daughter was in a relationship with someone who's age I never found out and he had no immigration status. We knew nothing about him initially and was told to mind my own business. Despite trying to talk to her and him she left with him and I didn't she much of her for a while. I got a call 2yrs later and she was pregnant but it was all good she said because he was now able to stay in the country. The rest they say is history.

    i know this all sounds terrible but the point is she came back when it all went bad and I have a beautiful grandson. The more I tried to keep them here, the further they went. Who knows what would have happened if I'd given my blessing, (over my dead body), but you get my drift. May I also add that my daughter has some learning and social difficulties which at that point hadn't been assessed. She has difficulties due to having meningitis and also Aspergers. So I really do feel for you and there's no point telling you not to stress because any mother would given the circumstances. Unfortunately though you have to love them enough to let them go. Only time will tell if he comes back by including you in his life. The easier you can make it for him the more supported he will feel and in doing so the easier he will find turning to you in the future. 

    I truely wish you the very best, gentle hugs xx

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