Stress of having to tell the family

Posted , 5 users are following.

Do I have to tell my in-laws why I am being a bit strange and slow and in a need to hide away from time to time?

We are visiting family this week. I was dreading it as this is my first face to face contact with them since being diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

At lunch the delicate subject of my leaving my job has popped up and I had to be very vague about it.

The reason is my depression and how awful everything has been in my all so perfect life.

Anyway, I'm so anxious now. Don't feel I can trust anyone here to be open and honest. I fear they will not understand. My mother-in-law is very judgemental.

I've been doing so well recently. And today I feel so anxious. Need to go now, put my cheerful mask on - it's exhausting. The pretending.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    You don't have to tell them anything. You could just make an excuse that your not feeling well and hopefully they won't pry to much. When I first had anxiety and panic attacks 14 yrs ago I didn't know what was happening to me I tried to tell my mum and dad and they weren't very understanding just told me to go to the doctors. So I have hid it away from my family for more than 14 years. My mum has since passed away. My brother and sister know nothing either. I to pretend there is nothing wrong. I had a family meal recently I had just started a new medication split up with my partner and was dreading going. I ended up taking diazepam went to the meal and put on a brave face. Of course it would be great to be honest with everyone and hope they didn't judge but you have to weigh up what's best for you. I've only recently let a few of my friends know about my depression and anxiety and that took me 14 yrs to do... So I wish you the best and hope it goes well for you.
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    • Posted

      I recently had a similar dilema. I discussed it with my wife. I was unwilling, no adament, that I would not fly to visit my family aboard. My principle reason was that I find airport security stressful at the best of times. At present with my emotions being rather delicate I will not risk snapping at the attendants and then getting arested under the terrorism legislation, held in a police cell for a while and thrown out without further comment. My whole family would be so distressed and humiliated. We decided to use my secondary and very real reason, that there are physical risks of highly embarassing events happening while the seat belt signs are illuminated that I was not ready to consult the doctor to determine if I was yet fit to fly. I did use this reason and did not fly.
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    • Posted

      Well, as I love my husband and respect his love for his family I felt I had to go.

      I'd rather be at home, in my safe little bubble.

      But I'm here now, at the moment hiding away in a bedroom using an excuse of putting my youngest to bed.

      I have 7 days of that to come.

      Good job I packed my running shoes. Another good excuse to leave them all to it.

      Thanks for your comments

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    • Posted

      Oh bless you.  You are doing well.  I do hope the visit is not too traumatic for you.  If the in laws ask why you are quiet just say you are not feeling too good.  You say you have been doing well, and I expect this visit has made you ver anxious. 

      Put on those running shoes, and run.  The exercise should help a bit.  I know how exhausting it is pretending everything is OK, when inside you want to collapse and be alone. 

      If you have the support of your husband, he wiull be able to get you through this week.  He will know how to handle the situation.  It is a shame you cannot confide in your inlaws, and I do understand. 

      Take care, and let us know how you get on.

      How many children have you got?

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  • Posted

    Hi I presume your hubby knows and does he understand?  If so enlist his help.   After all they are his parents and he should know how to either tell them how you feel or otherwise help you to survive it.  

    You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to but how about saying you are tired (this is common with children) and feeling a bit down at the moment.  You haven't got to go into details or even mention the word depression do you?  

    With your hubbys help you will find a way round it and maybe he and the kids could go out with his parents and leave you at home a couple of times?   That would help wouldn't it?  

    I do think you should go though - it is not good for you to hide yourself away and think how proud you will feel when you come back a survivor.  x

     

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