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I finally got round to going for a smear test last week after ignoring several letters for a number of years. I knew it was important but I was just so afraid and anxious probably because I was sexually abused when I was younger.
Anyway, I went and unfortunately it didn't go smoothly, I was extremely anxious, it was very painful and my cervix was high so the doctor struggled to find it. But saying that, the doctor was very kind and supportive.
I thought I would now feel relieved that it is all over but I dont. In fact my emotions have been all over the place since. It seems to have stirred up feelings, emotions and behaviours from the past. I feel like I'm grasping at being in control so I dont want to eat, I think about hurting myself - all stuff I did in the past as a way of coping with stuff.
I'm a bit worried about myself but dont know what to do. I feel I need to talk about it but to who? Do I go back to the doctor or will she think I'm stupid? Has anybody else been through similar circumstances? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
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