Posted , 4 users are following.
I don't know if this is really the place to put it but I find alot of forums aren't really relevant to me. Part of my depression is that I self harm and alot of the SH sites (well the ones I've found so far) are really vague or aimed at teenagers and I ain't a teenager anymore.
My problem is that I always seem to be worse after I have had what I would call a good day (mentally and emotionally it may not have been a good day but I may have been productive). It's almost like it's getting its own back. I've been on mirtazapine for about 3 weeks, and last week went up to 30mg. I know it's early days but I just don't feel I'm getting any benefit from it.
Now in the past I have only ever had one tool that I use but yesterday I didn't have access to it. Usually that is enough for the urge to pass but it wouldn't so I ended up using something else. Today has been really difficult, not helped by someone messing me around either and I've given in and used something that hurts more (but unfortunately also damages more) and it has helped but now I feel like I can no longer control it because I'll use other tools now. And because I gave in and have done more I now feel worse still.
I hate the fact I SH, and I hate the state my skin/arm is now in but that in turn makes me more likely to.
I just feel like I'm spiraling
Thank you for reading
1 like, 9 replies