Struggling (depression and self harm)

Posted , 4 users are following.

I don't know if this is really the place to put it but I find alot of forums aren't really relevant to me. Part of my depression is that I self harm and alot of the SH sites (well the ones I've found so far) are really vague or aimed at teenagers and I ain't a teenager anymore.

My problem is that I always seem to be worse after I have had what I would call a good day (mentally and emotionally it may not have been a good day but I may have been productive). It's almost like it's getting its own back. I've been on mirtazapine for about 3 weeks, and last week went up to 30mg. I know it's early days but I just don't feel I'm getting any benefit from it.

Now in the past I have only ever had one tool that I use but yesterday I didn't have access to it. Usually that is enough for the urge to pass but it wouldn't so I ended up using something else. Today has been really difficult, not helped by someone messing me around either and I've given in and used something that hurts more (but unfortunately also damages more) and it has helped but now I feel like I can no longer control it because I'll use other tools now. And because I gave in and have done more I now feel worse still.

I hate the fact I SH, and I hate the state my skin/arm is now in but that in turn makes me more likely to.

I just feel like I'm spiraling sad

Thank you for reading

C

1 like, 9 replies

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    i used to go through stuff like this and i know it ets really hard at times but trust me it gets better, your never alone

    smile

     

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  • Posted

    Ya.... It's true....you are more stringent than you think....never let anything take away ur happiness....its God's gift to u and no one or anything has the right to take it away stay strong fren....Trust God....let him help too....take care....Jesus loves you
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  • Posted

    Hey Cari,

    I'm similar to you. I'm 20 and I self harm, and I'm also on mirtazapine. My housemate found me in a bit of a state after SH recently and he took my tool which I have used for months away, so I panicked and felt a bit lost, so I used something else. I hate that I SH too, and although it sometimes makes me feel better, it also make me feel worse and often guilty, but I still go back to it.

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    • Posted

      That's one of the things that I dread. I have a friend who threatens to take it off me and in some ways that just makes me worse sad

      Today has been a bit better but I fear tomorrow will be bad as I am meeting friends tonight and I know I am always bad after I've had a good time sad It makes me not want to go sad

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    • Posted

      Yeah I understand, if I know somethings going to make me bad then I get really freaked out, but I just have to think to myself that the more I do something hopefully the less anxious I'll get. If I didn't do the things that make me anxious then I would sit indoors all day everyday doing nothing, and I know even then I'll still be anxious anyway! And I agree with what Jimmy said below, we're all here for you to support you smile
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  • Posted

    Its early doors for you. Mirtazapine didnt work for me , and made me worse at higher doses. You got to give it a chance to work at least 2 weeks but more realistically 4-8 weeks. If you getting worse thou I wouldnt wait
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  • Posted

    Hi cari Jimmy is right you are not alone try and see if you can appreciate the better days and stay strong for the ba days I think weekends are always quite bad for anyone who is suffering stay strong you can do it

    take care

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