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My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. About 6 months in to our relationship, he started displaying some pretty clear warning signs for depression. He wasn't sleeping or eating well, he stopped exercising and doing pretty much everything except going to work and coming home. He started drinking more and partying harder, and gambling stupid amounts of money away. I encouraged him to go to a doctor, which he eventually did, where he was prescribed some antidepressants. He has been on these for upwards of four months, and they don't appear to be helping. I've tried telling him to go and see someone, to go back to his doctor, but when he falls into his depressions, he stops listening to me. He pushes me away, and accuses me of not caring.
We don't live together, I live with my parents still and he lives with some housemates. He works a full-time hospitality job and pays bills, and money is a constant sore spot for him. He seems to resent me buying things, or me spending money. I do almost everything with him, but if i ever go away on holiday, or out with friends, he reacts really badly. He has it in his mind that he is just an insignificant piece in my life and that I have forced him to fit into my life just the way I want. This is really confusing to me, because to me, relationships are all about fitting in to the other person's life. It works both ways.
When he's feeling down, he pushes me away. He says it's to protect me, or so that he can have some space. If I push further, to understand, he snaps and explodes about how I don't care about him, and that when he needs me most I'm not there. This is completely irrational and really f*****g hurtful for me, because I try so hard to be there and support him, and he resents me for it.
All the things he says I justify because I know he is hurting, and I don't react to the stupid things he says just to get a rise out of me. If I try the hardline and discuss with him how disrespectful he is being or how hurt I am, he turns and starts beating himself up about how s**t of a person he is, and how I should leave and go and live my life. If I just cop whatever he says and do the whole "I'm sorry you're feeling that way", it somehow turns into my fault, and I end up feeling like s**t.
I don't know how to deal with his seemingly circular logic. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I've been putting all of my heart and soul into this relationship and making it work, and I feel like I'm getting nothing in return. Don't get me wrong, when it's good, it's perfect. We work so well together, and express our mutual love for each other in all the ways imaginable. He makes creative dates, writes heartfelt notes, and is incredibly compassionate and kind. It just makes these times so much harder for me (as selfish as that may be) because I have so little consistency. I don't know how better to deal with this, and I don't know what I can say to make him believe I care.
Any advice is welcomed, thank you in advance.
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