Struggling with erectile dysfunction in a relationship.

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi there.

It felt a bit strange me coming onto a site like this and discussing an intimate part of my relationship. But having tried everything I can think of. I thought, I have nothing to loose at this point. So may aswell give it a go.

I have been in a relationship with my partner for nearly three years now. During this time it has been very apparent that my partner has struggled with erectile dysfunction most of his life. This has caused breakdowns in his previous relationships, and is certainly having an impact on ours now.

In brief, my partner had a condition that caused a tight foreskin, it wasnt until me and him met thay I helped him to address this. As he has kept this a secret and not seeked help himself since childhood. He simply just got on with it, too scared to ask for help and admit that this was a problem. He tried to keep it from me but I soon figured out this was an o going problem. i prompted him to talk to his dad, being two men I thought his dad could offer advice I couldnt. I helped him seek help from his gp, tablets were thrown his way but they didnt have a long lasting effect. And at times didnt work at all.

He was diagnosed with a tight foreskin, which stopped the blood circulating. A condition I found out he had had as a small child alao. But nothing was ever done to properly address it. So sex has been painful ans unpleasant for him.

I helped him get the right help. As we were going six months at a time with no sex, no intamcy nothing. Call me selfish but i couldnt cope in the relationship for much longer with it being this way. But i have tried to stick with it and support as much as i can. He had a circumscion last year to help correct this problem. I have also helped him find therapy. something he dropped out of last year. Over a year on sex and intamcy is the worst its ever been. Meaning tjere is zero right now, he wont talk openly, he does not and has never masturbated in all his 30 years of life i have discovered. This is a deep psychology problem. And i am just at my witts end now.

It causes many arguments. Mainly started by me as he just will not communicate with me. He will not even try baby steps. All sorts have gone through my bead and I have thought its me, hes not attracted to me. Even though he always tells me its just a struggle for him to understand the problem.

I feel we have tried everything. I have tried eveeything and his effort is now none existing. which is just so frustrating for me.

We are due to get married next year and i feel this cant happen if this major part of our relationship is sorted. i can accept that he isnt someone that is going to want sex everyday day. Neither do i! but its something i feel needs to be apart of a strong long lasting relationship and marriage, even just a little bit.

Im basically looking for any advice, things ive maybe not tried. I love my partner, but this is destroying our lives at this point. Any help out there?

thanks for taking the time to read this.

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    You have done all you can. Do not marry him under these circumstances. It's time to move on with your life and leave him behind.

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  • Posted

    Do not marry him. period.

    Whether he's hiding his sexuality, or still dealing with psychological problems, he has a patient woman in his life that wants to help him, but won't take that help. It sounds like you gave it more than an honest try.

    With his problem, he needs a woman who understands that a relationship is a team concept. If he won't take the help, or the patience you are offering, then I'm sure you won't be able to 'fix' him. You've already tried.

    Find a man that understands the importance of the sexual side of a relationship. Someone who will talk. Arguing about sex before you are even married will lead to either an unhappy marriage, or a divorce. With an affair thrown in somewhere.

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  • Posted

    Do not marry him. period.

    Whether he's hiding his sexuality, or still dealing with psychological problems, he has a patient woman in his life that wants to help him, but won't take that help. It sounds like you gave it more than an honest try.

    With his problem, he needs a woman who understands that a relationship is a team concept. If he won't take the help, or the patience you are offering, then I'm sure you won't be able to 'fix' him. You've already tried.

    Find a man that understands the importance of the sexual side of a relationship. Someone who will talk. Arguing about sex before you are even married will lead to either an unhappy marriage, or a divorce. With an affair thrown in somewhere.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Do not marry him. period.

    Whether he's hiding his sexuality, or still dealing with psychological problems, he has a patient woman in his life that wants to help him, but won't take that help. It sounds like you gave it more than an honest try.

    With his problem, he needs a woman who understands that a relationship is a team concept. If he won't take the help, or the patience you are offering, then I'm sure you won't be able to 'fix' him. You've already tried.

    Find a man that understands the importance of the sexual side of a relationship. Someone who will talk. Arguing about sex before you are even married will lead to either an unhappy marriage, or a divorce. With an affair thrown in somewhere.

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  • Posted

    I had phimosis (tight foreskin) as a child. I had some surgical procedure to correct it that was less than a full circumcision. I was too young to remeber this exactly.

    Phimosis runs in families and reading between the lines I believe my Dad had it, which is why i'm an only one.

    I devloped erectile dysfunction in middle age, but I dont know whether it related to the phimosis.

    Viagra or Cialis helped me for about 10 years.

    I think you are right to address this. I was in denial about the problem for a long time and my wife eventually bullied me into getting medical attention. i'm glad she did.

    I get the sense that your partner's libido is low? ie hes not interested in sex. This might just be because he associates sex witha crushing sense of failure. I certainly did. However he might have a low testosterone level. His family doctor should be able and willing to test this.

    Mine was low. Replacement treatment improved bot my sex drive and to some degree my erections.

    Worth checking.

    Best of luck to you both.

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    • Posted

      hi there

      I really appreciate this reply. He too has tried Viagra and other things. I have also recently got him into therapy to talk about it. viagra doesnt gelp him very much. He never talks about sex, seems interested. All he says all the time is he worries about it. He hasnt had his testosterone tested however, his labido is very very low, so maybe i will suggest he has this tested. We are going seven months at a time with no sex. So its been very difficult for us both.

      I appreciate this reply alot.

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    • Posted

      Let us know how you both get on with the testosterone levels, either way.

      In the mean time I would suggest you look for ways to touch him lovingly without giving him the impression you are demanding sex. He's probably very anxious not to start something physically with you that he can't finish. If you demand sex when he feels unable to deliver he's likely to shy away from you.

      It's important to continue touch one another though otherwise you will have a psychological barrier to overcome even once the testosterone replacement has boosted his libido.

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    • Posted

      I have approached im about getting his testosterone levels checked. We have an appointment tomorrow. Which is progress.

      I am probably the least demanding partner about sex, in that i understand this is a problem for him. So i never want to come across as overwhelming. But by doing nothing, nothing gets solved. I am a very proactive person. Hence the struggle for me. Because we have been at a standstill for so long.

      Alot tell me to just leave. But thats easier said than done. I am currently seven months pregnant with his child. Because of his issues we have had to have help to conceive. I have been through alot to be with this man that i love very much. I have just been at a loss on what else i could do. So hearing from otjer men that have had similar issues has really helped me.

      Thankyou so much. Will let you know how the extra tests go 🤞🤞🤞

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  • Posted

    I understand how this must affect your relationship. But sexual pleasure doesn't need to come from penetration. Maybe you could suggest other means of fun in the bedroom that won't include his penis. It would be much more fun for you than him. It must be a struggle trying to fish out some answer and sentences from someone who is deeply affected by this issue, so maybe you could start by discussing how you can't see yourself marrying him unless he tries. You have tried so maybe it is his turn. Also, there are other ways to please him sexually, but I'm not sure how open he would be to that option lol. Hopefully, I helped a little, I think it all comes down to discussing it, which is a problem as well.

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